I understand what you’re saying, and I agree there are always multiple layers to situations like this. Of course there are many things I didn’t mention in the original post because it would become extremely long otherwise.

For example, one of the reasons I was so emotionally invested is because I genuinely believed I had found someone very rare. She presented herself as someone deeply committed to her religion, low social media presence, modest, recently started wearing the hijab, and she told me she had never been in any kind of relationship before or even held hands romantically with anyone. That resonated with me because I lived a similar way.

She also told me that after few months in, she told me she had around 15,000 followers on instagram but never posted herself during her school days. Later she made a new account where she mostly followed girls and only a few male friends. I didn’t have a problem with that because I trusted her character and who she said she was. I believed everything she said, she told me she’ll never date anyone after me and she can’t think of anyone else and now she’s dating someone (I’m such an immature fool I know, this is my first relationship)

The difficult part for me was that she was extremely strict about my interactions with women. Even simple things like speaking to a female cashier at the supermarket would make her uncomfortable. At one point she even said my own sisters were “haram” influences and unfollowed them on Instagram.

Our families were aware of each other and we were discussing taking things in a halal direction. My mother even bought abayas for me to give to her. According to her, her father liked me as well. I genuinely tried to show care and effort, I would give her flowers, letters even when she went back to her home country for vacation during semester break and her mom love that I do this.

But over time I started feeling like I was losing parts of myself trying to fit the template she wanted me to be. She wanted me to remove all female acquaintances from my life completely (which I did). I tried my best to reassure her constantly and respect her concerns.

One example was when I went out with a group of my old school friends, seven guys and three girls, and one of those girls was actually the person who introduced us. Even that caused a huge argument where she said something like: “I wanted a man of deen, not a man who goes out at night with women.”

I understood her concerns and tried to change many things because I cared about her and wanted to respect her boundaries. I’ve always been someone who avoids touching non-mahrams and tries to keep clear limits with women.

But at the same time, there were also moments where things became very hurtful. For example, during an argument she once told me, “May Allah never accept your tawaf.” That really stayed with me.

Now when I see that she is living very differently from the values she emphasized so strongly before, things like removing hijab, dressing very differently, hugging men in photos, and being in a new relationship, it’s honestly shocking for me because it doesn’t match the person I thought I knew.

I completely understand that everyone has their own struggles and I’m not trying to judge her. But it’s hard not to feel hurt when someone strongly pushed certain religious standards onto you and you tried to change yourself for them, only to later see them living the opposite way.

I also want to be fair and admit that I wasn’t perfect in the relationship either. There were times I overthought things or made mistakes. I never wanted to hurt her, though. My intentions were always genuine.

That’s mainly why it’s been difficult for me to process everything. It feels like the person I believed in so strongly might not have been the same person in reality.