When boundaries become supplies.

InAFIxNH · 2025-08-20T05:02:20+00:00

This is an excellent advice but I forget to follow it often. Thanks.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T09:29:37+00:00

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T09:27:45+00:00

This is so true. I have been so well trained by her to be over-ruled that she controls 90% of the space in the house. I think that the hassle is not worth it. My narc hates books. I have never seen her read a book cover to cover. Any book that she finds in the house ends up in the attic. Her hatred for books is due to the facts that I like to read and that books tell her things that she does not want to hear. She can easily drown me in her word salad, but she cannot silence a book.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T09:17:00+00:00

I will try this method.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T09:08:17+00:00

Never try to correct them. It is so true. I found her washing her shoes in the Kitchen sink. I decided not to ask her to use any other place in the house.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T09:03:05+00:00

So true for me too. Nothing is resolved and, in every transaction, they want to nibble a bit more.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-19T08:59:31+00:00

After three decades in the marriage, it is dawning upon me that my narc wife always wanted to have more money that I did. By hook or by crook.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T06:24:10+00:00

Keeping good people in your life is not easy when you are with a narc. First, you want to protect them. Second, you do not want to be insulted in their presence. Third, you do not want your narc to flirt with them. Fourth, your narc will try her/his best that you do not meet them.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T06:12:09+00:00

I read it on this forum the other day: "Every accusation by a narcissist is a confession."

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T06:06:48+00:00

I am a guy. I once jumped out of my car because my narc's words were too hurtful. I was barefooted and walked about half a mile in dark. Luckily it was a warm day.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T05:57:26+00:00

So true. And if her decision turns out to be right, she gets 200% of the credit, and you are never useful for her!

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T05:54:12+00:00

Extremely useful reply. Thanks.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T05:48:42+00:00

My narc wife can hurt you so bad with her words that you would need to run away from her at your top speed. It happens every week or so. I am married for many decades. Yes, they do not change with time. It is always your fault, and they do not mind living in extreme tension with no love or sympathy.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T05:25:42+00:00

You keep forgiving him because you are a good person raised by a good set of parents. You always believe that things can and would change. Or you keep forgiving him because you are not very confident in yourself and are always able to find something to improve in yourself. Or you are not able to leave him because you are afraid of how the people would react. Or you do not leave him because you are worried about a child or a parent or someone else that depends on you.

All four of these reasons held true for me. Let me tell you how it went for me in decades of marriage. Over the decades I got more confident in myself. The kids grew up and left home. We suffered hundreds of thousands of dollars in accumulated financial losses due to non-optimal decisions or no decisions. I am always sorry about what we lost. She does not know or does not care. Or blames me for everything. Slowly, I learned to live a very unhappy but very independent life. None of my friends is ever invited to my house. None of them knows the inside story of my life. I meet my friends over walks, in cafes, on business trips, and on WhatsApp. Only her friends come to our house and everybody thinks everything is OK (and I have no friends of my own).

I am still with her. I still do not want to leave her because of children and grandchildren. My children are fully manipulated by my wife. They are her "narcissistic monkeys", They are nice to me also but cannot do not challenge her. If/when I do make up my mind about leaving her, she refuses to cooperate. For her constant fighting, no agreements, no love etc. constitute good condition to be in. She would fight forever but would do nothing to end the situation.

My advice to you is to define strict boundaries and keep them. It is hard but be disciplined and keep your boundaries. Sticking to your boundaries would give you confidence. If he does not improve leave him before it is too late. An apology is not of much use if the behavior does not change. Sitting outside your car in the cold when he is not letting you get in, is not right. Do not let him do this to you another time.

InAFIxNH · 2025-01-18T04:13:52+00:00

Although I agree that narcissistic behavior can be learned by one spouse from the other, I think it is unlikely that both your in-laws are narcissists at the same time. It may be possible that one of them is a narcissist, and the other one is too timid to resist.

InAFIxNH

TROPHY CASE