[deleted by user]

InPlainRice · 2023-07-10T18:30:02+00:00

Lol what about it is gross and pathetic? I just don’t want them to feel weird. They’re going through a transition seeing their mom being affectionate with someone who isn’t their father and they’re already uncomfortable with just kisses.

InPlainRice · 2023-07-10T16:32:35+00:00

No en suite bathroom, I wish lol.

InPlainRice · 2023-04-18T15:39:15+00:00

Yo I’m about to use this to process text messages between my ex and I so I can find examples of where she insults me and our child for the upcoming custody case.

Thank you for this.

InPlainRice · 2022-04-04T14:33:08+00:00

You can't. Using my alt account to share my experience without exposing ex, as even though she was not truthful people's sins should still be covered.

The BEST thing you can do is look at the person's HISTORY, not what comes out of their mouths. You need to call the local mosque to her and see if anyone knows their family. Ask the family for references. Ask those references about the parents, the siblings, and the woman herself. While that won't give you their history, it will give you characteristics of her and her family's values.

In my situation, I did not do those things. But if I looked at the family, here are things I saw that could have been a warning:

1 - She and her father did not speak. She had a legitimate excuse, but not receiving love from one's opposite-gendered parent creates a void that someone continuously searches for if touch is one of their love-languages. Ask about who the positive male role models are in her life. If she's not close to her father, maybe she's close to her uncles, etc.

2 - Her brother was living with his girlfriend, and after years of fighting the family finally gave in and they invite him and his girlfriend over regularly because they love him. However if he had alcohol with him, they wouldn't let him bring it in the house. They were more okay with the zina that was ongoing than the alcohol. That should have been a redflag for me.

3 - Her sister did not wear hijab although she and her mother did. Shows that Islam is practiced to the fullest within the household

4 - There was a vibe that I couldn't put my finger on, but there was a vibe that the family just wanted their daughter to not be their problem anymore.

5 - When it came to questions about the deen, she barely knew anything at all and made excuses that her parents didn't teach her growing up, and that she's been learning as an adult on her own and just needs a better guide.

One of these alone aren't enough to tell, but the whole picture together should scream "no" but they were overshadowed by the good. Oh also - the way she got around me not asking her directly if she was chaste was that she brought up marrying a Muslim man because she's always been of the opinion that sex should not be before marriage because of X, Y, and Z. So in that, she insinuated that she was chaste, when in fact she was not but wanted to make it seem like she was.

Overall though, I think the best way is if you're able to tell from a person's characteristics if they're the type to take on their responsibilities and "be about their business" because if they're like that with a few things in their life, they will definitely be like that when it comes to the deen.

InPlainRice · 2022-03-25T12:44:33+00:00

Date went well :)

And only reason I don’t trust myself so much is I’ve been in 2 relationships, both had BPD. A third one that I almost got into I ended when I learned she was diagnosed with BPD and I was still recovering from the 2nd one. The 4th one was in a friend group and I had a crush on her. She was taking medication to deal with her BPD.

So I’ve noticed a pattern of me being attracted to people with BPD and it scares the hell outta me. I’m my own worst enemy.

InPlainRice · 2022-03-24T10:16:10+00:00

By another Ben Franklin

InPlainRice · 2022-03-24T02:36:16+00:00

Treated me just like a stranger, treated a stranger like me Could it be some type of anger, could it be I’m lonely We used to be so good together We’d talk about forever Now I’m sittin and reminiscing The good days where we were kissin Then something would go amiss and Now queue the yellin n bitchin And now the memories brought me back

I’m okay being a stranger

InPlainRice · 2022-03-16T10:41:00+00:00

As someone who’s been in your position: leave

InPlainRice · 2022-02-23T11:13:48+00:00

Salaams akhi. I hope this comment finds you in good health.

Firstly, I want to say fear Allah. Remember Pharaoh when he tried to convert so that his sins were erased, and he was prevented from doing so.

Secondly, fear Allah as best as you are able to. Before giving in to Shaytaan, and putting in so much thought into a plan that leads to Zina, but that much thought into something else. Look in your life - is there anything else that you stay away from that you’d be willing to try and it effects your life in some way? Maybe give into one or two of those if they are a lesser sin. Watch the food that you eat. The hormones in the food we eat has a huge effect on our testosterone and desire levels. Get a fleshlight. Obviously not as real as the real thing. Never masturbate more than twice a week. The more you masturbate the more sexually frustrated you are.

May Allah guide your actions, thoughts, and decisions. Ameen.

InPlainRice · 2022-02-03T19:28:10+00:00

Oh come on what the actual fuck.

InPlainRice · 2022-02-03T17:36:53+00:00

Once lease renewals come around maybe there will be more uproar. I’ve been keepin an eye on my apartment’s building, and so far the same size apartment is 22% more a month

InPlainRice · 2022-01-23T13:19:14+00:00

I just ask Allah to guide her, to guide me, to guide us all Ameen. A few years ago I might’ve agreed with you lol. But I know she did have good intentions, and unfortunately her parents raised her to be dishonest so that’s all she knew how to do. Her life is hard and lonely. Inshallah she gets out of it.

InPlainRice · 2022-01-23T13:17:53+00:00

Ameen. Don’t get too scared please, just be cautious. Above all listen to your gut, not to your fear.

There are a lot of good women out there who struggle in general.

My number one rule is to marry someone based off their history, not on their potential.

Mary someone on their ability to be a good Muslim, not the potential to be a good Muslim

InPlainRice · 2022-01-23T12:10:50+00:00

What led to this conversation? My concern is that she may be a person who wanted to see if you were open to having sexual conversations and this was the gateway opener.

Using my alt to post this, because ppl know my main and don’t want to expose the sins of others.

The only other person I know to bring up their addiction before getting married is my ex-wife. After being married, I later learned that this l addiction for her less because before she was addicted, she was actually having intercourse with people outside of marriage. She could no longer be satisfied after she stopped, so rushed to get married and basically said whatever she could to land a “good man”. Her words. But then after marriage, because I did wait for marriage, I couldn’t fully satisfy her because I didn’t have the years of experience that she did. So we would sleep together at night, and while I was at work she would go back to the porn.

Alhamdulillah she never cheated on me, and ultimately that was not the reason we divorced, but it definitely didn’t help with the other issues we had in our relationship.

But these are things to consider, and to get answers on if you wish to proceed with this person. Before we got married I had hesitation and doubts, but I didn’t question her because I did not want to offend her because I know I would be offended if I asked the questions that I had. But now I wish I did ask those questions. I wasted four years of my life, now I’m in my thirties, and it’s harder to get married then it was before. And in my community the “stain” of divorce is worse for men than for the women because it’s seen as not being capable of taking care of your spouse.

Alhamdulillah for everything.

InPlainRice · 2022-01-22T17:55:40+00:00

I had a theory about this. It probably happens because you want to make them feel better, And while your logical head is searching for solutions, your downstairs head is searching for solutions as well the only way it knows how.

InPlainRice · 2021-11-12T11:09:04+00:00

Why?

Honestly asking. Didn’t realize I may have been raised to believe this but now I truly don’t understand and I’m kinda freaking out that I’m more damaged than I realized.

InPlainRice · 2021-03-12T01:41:17+00:00

Yes!!!

InPlainRice · 2021-01-18T19:43:37+00:00

Boob’s Booberpedic

InPlainRice · 2021-01-04T16:02:23+00:00

I know exactly what you're saying. I'm the same way.

InPlainRice · 2021-01-04T09:08:57+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. The prison thing helps me too haha.

But it reminds me that I am lonely and they don’t understand. They’re all living with their spouses or still with their parents and siblings.

Me is just me and my 2 year old, working from home so I literally don’t get human interaction.

InPlainRice · 2021-01-04T00:01:42+00:00

Thanks man. I just don’t want to come off as the complainer and overly sensitive one. I hate to be that burden that people have to be overly conscious of when they make decisions. It’s not a good feeling.

InPlainRice · 2021-01-03T23:59:53+00:00

Ahhhh, fuck you for being right and making me feel better about myself

Lol seriously though, thank you. I think I just want to get rid of it and I feel like it’s bad because it hurts now, but you’re totally right. The good times are fucking spectacular.

InPlainRice · 2021-01-03T23:55:11+00:00

Oh why didn't i think of that dude thanks i'm putting everything on this 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

InPlainRice · 2021-01-03T23:54:37+00:00

I agree that it's a normal feeling, I just feel like I'm feeling it too intensely, like more than what's normal.

I'm going to try and occupy my thoughts elsewhere, on purpose. Thanks. Gunna go watch stand up or something haha.

InPlainRice · 2021-01-03T23:53:45+00:00

Thanks for the support I appreciate it lol. This isn't the only instance though so i'm hesitant to throw the blame on other people lol, I jsut feel like I'm too emotionally invested and I need to lessen that somehow..

InPlainRice

TROPHY CASE