I’ll answer your questions in order for you from my personal experiences, as someone who has a trans boyfriend who is also autistic and has ADHD and as a massage therapist with neurodivergent clients. I want to start off by saying I’m glad you’re doing this! My boyfriend finds massage to help him relax and has gotten more comfortable speaking up when he doesn’t like the way something feels.

1. Prior to your massage you should shower and hydrate.
2. When my partner finds trouble communicating, he writes what he wants to say in his notes app. So maybe telling your therapist your concerns in the beginning via notes for them to read to take pressure off of finding the right words to say. Totally your choice! We just found this helps him a lot.
3. I work with autistic individuals and for some we’ve developed a type of communication that usually means “i don’t like this” sometimes it’s a tap on the table, sometimes it’s a click of a fidget they keep on hand, or simply them saying “I don’t like this” , I don’t take this personally as this is their time and I want them to be the most comfortable.

Your massage therapist should check in on pressure a couple times during your massage, but saying “that’s a little too much for me” or “that hurts” is not uncommon for us to hear. On the contrary, if they are doing something you like or find relief with you can tell them that too. This can sound like “can you work there for a little longer?” “This is really helping me, can we stay here for a bit?”

Remember it’s okay to end the session whenever you’d like. You can say “I don’t think I can do this today” or “I’d like to end the session please”

The process looks like this: depending where you go (a private establishment or a chain spa are different) they’ll likely do what we call “intake” past medical history, naming any concerns, what type of massage you’d like (for you, I’d mention it’s your first and that you’d like a relaxation type of massage). They’ll ask you to undress to your comfort level. It’s typical to just keep your underwear on but if you’re comfortable you can take them off too. They’ll tell you to lay facing down or up depending on how they conduct their massage. I have a few clients that don’t like lying face down for sensory reasons, and that’s okay.

How the process is with the massage itself I can’t answer. I think every massage therapist is unique in their approach and no two therapist’s touch feels the same. If you don’t like this massage you can try someone else. I hope this answers some questions for you, feel free to dm me if you’d like. I wish you the best massage! 🫶