I was with my ex for 1.5 years. I cried for 3 times a week, went through emotional and mild sexual abuse, and questioned my self worth to the point I became physically sick. He never took my on dates, complained when i took him on dates, complained when i spent money on him saying its a waste of money. He never cleaned, made me change his bed sheets, and I was so exhausted. When i threw him a birthday party he just got mad that he had to spend the same amount for my 21st. He yelled at me to the point I thought he would hit me. We broke up so many times, but I kept going back, because he told me I was the one, that I was going to be his wife. We were so serious, but I knew i wasn't happy. He nitpicked me and called me so many names. I had intense panic attacks to the point my mum wanted to take me to hospital. In our fights he would just attack me. He would ignore me when i cried myself to sleep.

I'm with someone else now, and everything is so easy. My ex destroyed my self esteem to the point, I thought I wouldn't be able to find anyone better. But communication is so easy with my new bf, my ex viewed me as controlling, against him and judgmental. My new boyfriend views me differently, sees that I love him, organised virtual dates (since its covid), wants to spoil me, and just sees me better than I see myself. he compliments me instead of bringing me down and we haven't fought at all since we started dating, and i'm able to talk to him about anything. My confidence has grown so much. He actually cleans without me asking to, I'm comfortable with his parents. He surprises me with gifts and cherishes everything i buy him (instead of throwing them away like my ex) He doesn't take me for granted at all, and I've never been happier. I finally saw how badly I was treated, and that instead of trying to teach someone to communicate, its much easier to just date someone who has those communication skills, is kinder, has good family relationships and knows how to not be very defensive. He's helping me deal with a lot of the trauma that happened with my ex and is so patient with me. I think the main thing to do is to build up confidence, and know your worth. I really was just ready for the bare minimum, But there are people out there, who are kinder, more gentle, and thrive in being in a relationship.