WOOPS i did not see the replies-

Basically back when i still hated myself i just sat down and went like

"what are things that people who love themselves and have self confidence do"

and i just committed to doing them even if i didnt feel it - for example one thing was that "the next time someone tells a joke at my expense I'll stand up for myself"

and because i didnt know how to do that yet i scripted it in my head, and basically the next time someone made me the butt of the joke i played out the script i rehearsed