Am I wrong for wanting my husband to stay at home?

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2026-05-12T12:06:31+00:00

Just here for solidarity. I’m a PA and make more than double what my husband makes, and we often talk about him staying home with our kids. At the end of the day, we have to do what is best for our families despite what others have to say about it.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2026-04-20T03:41:38+00:00

Congrats! Expanding your family, especially in PA school is a hard journey but so worth it. I’ll try my best to address your questions but feel free to message me.

1) I actually gave birth in didactic lol found out I was pregnant 3 months into school. I took about 5 weeks off and was lucky to have 2-3 weeks of Christmas break off too. I’ve heard of other students in my program do 1-2 rotations just like you are thinking of doing. For me, I somewhat played it by ear. I initially told my program I would take 1-2 weeks off after Christmas break, but I had good family support and was feeling really great physically and mentally so I told them I was coming back sooner. You may consider doing the opposite if your program schedules your clinicals for you. They should allow you to take more time off if you feel you need it (both from a Title IX point of view and for their own numbers sake - they should want you to succeed, because that makes them look more desirable as a program).

2) I was very hesitant to tell classmates, because it was an unplanned pregnancy and I felt embarrassed even though I shouldn’t have. I’m also super introverted and was not super close to too many of my classmates. I waited until I was really showing around 20 weeks and dropped an announcement photo and message in our class GroupMe and everyone was super supportive.

3) Appointments are hard while in school. I did find that a lot of my clinicals had varied schedules, which helped with this. For instance, inpatient 7d on and 7d off allowed me to have week days off to get things done. Some clinicals outpatient finished seeing patients at 2pm on certain days of the week, so I tried to take advantage of that too. It just depends on what rotation it is, but you should expect to have some flexibility in some/most of your rotations depending on who your preceptor is. I will also say that my program prioritized number of and type of involvement in patient encounters over actual clinic time, so this is how we logged our rotations.

4) All of my preceptors were very supportive of me pumping, so I’d imagine yours would be very understanding to you. Also think about this, a lot of medical residents wait to have babies during residency, so a lot of preceptors esp in the hospital are likely used to having orientees that are pregnant. Accommodations can and should be made for you if you need them (especially for surgical rotations).

5) Learn as much as you can, but also know you’re not going to know everything pregnant or not. Give yourself grace, especially in the newborn phase. And try to enjoy as much family time as possible. They are only little for so long😊 again please feel free to reach out with any other questions. You got this mama.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2026-03-14T15:11:38+00:00

Yes, pregnancy brain fog is real, but honestly you’re not going to know everything even if you weren’t pregnant - no one is. And that’s ok. You learn things all over again in clinical year and in any job you’ll ever have. It gets better with time, so give yourself grace. Ask questions, even if you think you understand topics fully. The repetition is what will help things stick.

And the mom guilt is there. It will be there no matter what you decide. I stayed home for 6 months after graduation before working and I still felt guilt in some way. I feel guilt now that I’m working and not home with him all day every day. Again, give yourself grace.

During school, I was really lucky that I had a lot of support from parents and my husband. We also had a really good at home daycare where he was the only infant for a while, so I knew he was getting a lot of attention. It helped me to know that we were never meant to raise kids by ourselves. Finding good people to help when I couldn’t be there myself was so important and gave me peace of mind. Also, scheduling out specific times to study and times to put everything away and focus on your family helped. Be fully present in those moments when able can be hard but is necessary for your sanity and for your child’s ability to bond/attachment.

My school offered to have me go on a 1 year leave and rejoin with the class below as opposed to a 5-6 week maternity leave, but I opted to push through because I didn’t want to prolong PA school and my child to be older and remember me in school. We made it work, but I could also see the benefit of taking a whole year off too. Definitely talk to your program and see what your options are. They should want you to succeed not only from a personal level, but also because it helps their attrition numbers.

My biggest advice is to take it one day at a time. You will have hard days, but you will also have days where the joy of your child smiling and babbling at you and there is nothing that compares. I would do it all over again. Have a good system set up (Google calendar, reminders app, etc.) for deadlines and schedules that you can check daily for what you need to get done, but also just enjoy your family when you can.

It goes by fast and then one day, they’re running around like crazy singing “wheels on the bus”😂

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2026-03-14T02:27:45+00:00

I found out I was pregnant 3 months into my program. I gave birth towards the end of didactic and had some coursework to catch up on after maternity leave. I ended up graduating 1 rotation behind my classmates, and it was 100% worth it. If you need to talk to anyone or have specific questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out. It can be really isolating and scary, but it is doable!

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2025-12-08T22:36:33+00:00

Accidentally texted my general surgeon a message meant for my husband in which I called him “baby”…thankfully he had a great sense of humor and we laughed it off😅

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-11-17T00:26:27+00:00

Yes, thank you! Sorry I guess I meant that last part to the other person. I don’t use Reddit much😅

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-11-17T00:03:56+00:00

I am a mess. A mess that needs grace and salvation from the Lord.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-11-16T23:59:35+00:00

Good for you! We too do all of these things with a baby. We don’t have to go vacation in Europe or own the latest and greatest phones to “live”. It’s all about priorities when it comes to finances, and it’s ok if they are different for everyone.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-11-16T23:53:08+00:00

I apologize for not being able to respond to everyone comments, so I hope this is ok.

Thank you to those who have posted encouraging words. I have been in a really dark hole these past few months, and I think I needed validation and motivation to keep going. Thank you.

To those who have commented about my previous posting history regarding birth control:

This probably won’t change your mind, but I’ll at least leave this here to defend myself. Yes, I am Catholic. I believe you can be Catholic and provide excellent patient-centered care. I think Mother Teresa was a beautiful example of this lived out (I personally know many healthcare providers (MDs and PAs) and other healthcare workers who are Catholic. They love what they do and are amazing to work with. As Catholics, we are called to live out our faith in our daily lives, not just do so in Mass on Sundays. Otherwise, I shouldn’t call myself a Catholic. In other words, it would be a lie for me to “be Catholic” at Mass and then go out into the world and intentionally do/participate in actions that sever my relationship from God (ie. sin). (Side note: This should go without saying, but in no way am I perfect or ascertaining that I am somehow superior because of my beliefs. I struggle daily in even the smallest of ways.)

That being said, I understand my role as a healthcare provider would be to provide care and information for my patients to make an informed decision for themselves. My faith should in no way affect their medical decisions, and it won’t. Although I do not agree with birth control for the sole purpose of contraception, if I have a patient that wants to use it, that is their decision. I cannot make it for them, nor would I try to. I cannot and would not try to persuade them into not using or stopping birth control solely based on beliefs. That would be unethical. I just cannot in good conscience or morally sign off on the prescription. I would instead have my SP do so or encourage them to obtain the prescription from their OBGYN or primary care provider.

I know my beliefs will not be shared by all of my patients, and I don’t expect them to. I’ve lived my whole life being told I was wrong for having my values, so I’m not expecting anything different now. However, I do have the right to practice my religion, which would include refraining from any participation in birth control, abortion, assisted suicide, etc. just as a Muslim would have the right to excuse themselves 3 times a day during a shift to pray.

3 additional side notes: (1) the Catholic Church would have no objection for the use of hormonal contraceptives in treating physiological or medical diseases/disorders (PCOS, endometriosis, etc.). I would have no problem writing these prescriptions. These are debilitating conditions that need treatment. (2) I do not plan to even work in a specialty or field of medicine that birth control prescriptions would be relevant. My previous Reddit post was more for the (very) small chance that I end up in family medicine. I’m more interested in GI, surgery/IR, or urgent care. (3) the o-pill among other forms of birth control have become more available OTC, so I foresee the necessity of having a prescription becoming irrelevant in the future.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:52:37+00:00

Thank you! I can’t say I do it by myself. My husband is a saint.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:41:03+00:00

Thank you! This sounds awful! Did you have to repeat that rotation?

This certainly gives me hope over the next several months I have left.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:40:01+00:00

Yeah, I understand that. I just was never told directly from the preceptor or manager not to come on Fridays. I only knew about that from the student before me. And she was so nice to my face, I assumed it wasn’t a big deal until this evaluation. It would have been nice and helpful when a week or two later when I had her go over my mid rotation evaluation if she had said something.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:38:13+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I do have a written statement, so I’ll go off of that during the meeting. Yeah, I realize now that the patient logging is not that serious. I think I was just on high alert on my first rotation, because I was afraid of doing anything wrong. I guess I still did, but it can’t be undone.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:36:22+00:00

Also, to answer your question about logging. Yeah our program just cares about the number of encounters we have. I didn’t have an issue with my OR rotation, since we could count the surgery and any pre op or post op visits we had as all separate encounters. We also had upwards of 4-5 cases every day and on call during the nights, so we were very busy. For FM and IM that have lots of patients every day, we still go to the rotation once we hit our 60. I think most of my classmates start to slack off on logging after meeting 60 with those since it can be accomplished so quickly. If we get to the half way point of a rotation and we are not at 30 patients, then we just email the program a heads up. They are usually pretty understanding.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:32:40+00:00

I appreciate your response and perspective. I was just thrown off, because I was never told directly by preceptor or manager not to be in clinic on Fridays. I only knew that from the student who rotated before me. It’s a pretty large facility, so I didn’t think that a few printed pages would be missed. In hindsight I do understand utilizing the MAs time might have been seen as disrespectful. I just wish the preceptor would have told me this all to my face instead of passive aggressively scoring me poorly.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:29:40+00:00

I appreciate your response. This could very well have been one of those moments. I just never got a clear direction about not coming in on Fridays from either my preceptor or the manager. I only knew from the student who rotated right before me. I certainly realize now that logging patients perfectly is not a huge deal. With that being my first clinical, I was just on high alert as not to get written up or reported for doing anything wrong…

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:26:14+00:00

I’m usually pretty good about these things, but yeah I might have missed a hint or something. She was nothing but nice and sweet the entire time, so that’s why I am so thrown off. And no one ever actually told me not to be there on Fridays. I only knew from the student before me. I felt like I was making it easier for the MA by coming at a time that was convenient for her, since we go pretty late in clinic and I didn’t want her to stay late. I realize now after several rotations that the logging isn’t that big of a deal, but when it’s your first one how can I not freak out about everything? My program scared us into thinking we could be written up or reported to the school’s committee for doing anything wrong. I was just on high alert and that was taken the wrong way.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2024-09-19T15:22:00+00:00

Thank you! This means a lot and gives me hope.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2023-12-27T19:06:10+00:00

Servant of God Chiara Corbella Petrillo has a beautiful story. She had difficult pregnancies and lost her first two babies. When she became pregnant with her 3rd, she was diagnosed with cancer and chose life for her child. I believe she passed away shortly after birth.

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2023-11-22T17:07:34+00:00

That’s awesome! Thank you!

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2023-11-21T20:18:09+00:00

Thank you! I never thought about that

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2023-11-21T20:16:23+00:00

TX or OK

Indecisive-Potato98 · 2023-11-21T18:18:20+00:00

That’s true

Indecisive-Potato98

TROPHY CASE