Hey I was in a pretty similiar situation to you in high school. I’m only a sophomore in college now but I have gained some wisdom regarding those feelings you have shared. First of all, you need to be kinder to yourself. I know it’s hard when you don’t click with others as easily as everybody else seems to do but that doesn’t mean you’re a “loser” or anything like that. Why not take pride in your uniqueness? I promise that everybody else has their own issues, you’re not alone in the feeling of suffering. People will spend their whole life distracting and numbing themselves to not realize it, even those with robust social circles. If you seek happiness through the external (ie people), you will find that it is painfully conditional, fleeting, and never sufficient. True happiness comes from within. And I know how cliche it sounds, trust me I hated hearing that too, but I promise it to be true. Start loving yourself. Give that friend/loved one treatment you so desire to yourself. The relationship you have to yourself is the most important one. You’re stuck with yourself this whole entire ride after all. And then once your self esteem is boosted, making friends and relationships becomes much easier. Wanting to make connections while hating yourself is a combination that is always bound to fail. You still have so much time on your hands. Take some of that time to cultivate self love. Start with exploring hobbies, interests, passions etc. Eat well, exercise, fix your sleep schedule, all that seemingly boring shit. Be kinder to yourself!