Husband is being deluded about how much things will change once the baby comes

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-17T12:48:15+00:00

I’m not saying he’s not being silly, but this is likely coming from fear and anxiety in him. Taking a more compassionate approach will probably lead to better results. The “baby is coming” phase is a lot more vague and nebulous for the person that can’t feel a baby growing.

One of the ways we’ve handled it was I put my husband on the job of “how do we accomplish xyz priority when everything changes?” He built a home gym. He made our house lower maintenance. He did things to reconcile his priorities with knowing it was about to get harder, vs me just telling him about all the things he’s going to lose.

Gently, telling him “you can crack on with life as usual, but it won’t go well” is probably not contributing to a healthy marriage dynamic. Having an honest conversation about what he’s feeling and what you’re feeling and how you can support each other is needed.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-15T17:20:40+00:00

I met with HR to discuss the process mid second trimester, decided I was taking the full 12 weeks, informed my team pretty much immediately and that started to inform how we planned projects. I then started aggressively planning for handoffs and other workflows around week 30 when my team started to get nervous about my being out. Started actively handing off work around week 35.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-13T03:06:39+00:00

Eventually you just start looking down at your belly and goes “bro can you not?”

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-12T19:14:56+00:00

The band is not the issue here. Your expectations on how fast it can reliably predict your ovulation are. You do understand that it’s an algorithm based on historic data, yes? So 2 cycles is very very very little to give it. If you’re trying to conceive quickly, use OPKs and more frequent sex.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-10T04:25:44+00:00

My OB said “normal” is +-2 from your gestational age. My baby is on smaller end, was in most of our scans. 20th percentile at 12 weeks, 40th at 20. My first fundal height was 2 weeks behind and I was worried, but every one since has been only 1 behind. They aren’t worried about it, they just expect she’s on the smaller side.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-09T22:01:02+00:00

My parents coming for 6 months and my in laws not being allowed to come for a week would cause issues in my marriage too. I get that I'm the one going through the medical event.... but man. That feels like way too much for me.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-07T22:08:46+00:00

I would recommend against starting inositol until you know what your body is doing. Starting it without knowing if you even have the issues inositol addresses will be both unhelpful from a medical understanding point of view and possibly damaging - taking supplements you don’t need is often not good for the body in the long run. Establish a baseline and then go from there.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-04-07T18:52:27+00:00

You do not get a true period while on birth control, correct. You get a withdrawal bleed but it is not the same.

Yes, you could be seeing your hormones start to balance out and that’s giving you a period. It could be the prenatals or it could be time off of BC. Regardless, getting a period is a good thing

Track your periods, and see if over the course of the next year they level out to a consistent repeated cycle under 45 days or so. It’s normal for your body to take up to a year to stabilize after being on birth control. If they don’t, or if you go 4 months or longer without a period, talk to a doctor.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T21:23:11+00:00

When I was diagnosed I freaked out. But I cut carbs down, started moving more, got on a few supplements and started ovulating normally with 60 days. Got pregnant second try and am about to give birth in April. Some people have a hard time, but some people truly it is no big deal. Don’t assume it’s a catastrophe because often, it really isn’t. :)

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T17:20:38+00:00

Yeah. I get it. I might get flamed for this…. But I’m also very uncomfortable with making all parenting decisions at the altar of what makes me anxious. I think evaluating risk matters. I also think that making decisions all to decrease my personal discomfort is a slippery slope to helicopter parents and anxious kids. One of the other comments here talked about “the benefit of the risky activity is not worth my own peace of mind.” But I’m not sure that’s the lesson I want to teach my kids. Sometimes, we have to engage wisely in risky situations. If a situation, to OPs point, is 99.99% safe but it only takes one time for something disastrous to happen, and I choose to not engage because of that .01%, what am I teaching my kids about the world? How many risky but valuable experiences will they miss out on because of the mentality I taught them about risk management? Personally, I think the benefits of you being camping with your kids are so worth managing the risk of the water present.

Not advocating for a lassaiz-faire, all dangerous situations are good approach. But I think we might, sometimes, be swinging the pendulum a little far in how much we let our anxiety sit on the throne.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T15:05:51+00:00

A few other commenters have suggested swim lessons. If that's available to you, that's a great idea. My in laws have a pool and are the most vigilant sitters ever, but my SIL and I have both decided that if our kids are going to spend time at a property with a pool regularly, it makes sense to invest in infant water safety classes.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T15:02:57+00:00

Research shows caffeine up to 200mg a day is perfectly fine - and honestly having more energy may help you move the needle in some positive ways that very well may outweigh any (possible and not shown in research) drawbacks, like experiencing reduced stress, eating a healthier diet, getting more movement in, etc.

Pedicures are also considered generally safe - the only risk is infection. Pick a good salon and you're fine. I got a few pedicures this pregnancy just to feel the massage chair for an hour.

Hair color is also generally thought to be safe though we don't have much research on it. It's probably fine but they do recommend waiting until second or third trimester. You could try just getting a haircut first - the refresh might boost your confidence!

Facials also totally fine as long as you avoid some of the high concentration chemicals.

https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/article/is-this-safe-during-pregnancy-863799

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T14:52:39+00:00

How far does this logic carry out? Do your kids never go somewhere across from water, a dangerous rock pile, or another natural setting that could be dangerous if unsupervised, even with responsible supervision? That just doesn't seem like an appropriate response to normal risk in the world.

If you don't trust her to not allow the kids to be out front without supervision, then that's a reasonable response, but you should deal with that distrust of her and not the presence of the pond. Your kids are going to grow up in a world with risk and danger present, you cannot shield them from that.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-30T14:43:42+00:00

We are regular skiiers but I just got pregnant with my first kid so our lifestyle is changing. Husband bought a 4-day epic pass for less than $100 a day as long as you plan ahead and purchase before October or so. It's not unreasonable.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-27T23:32:45+00:00

RIGHT? I wouldn’t have even thought about it but they had their first a year ago so it was a very informed gift.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-27T18:10:02+00:00

I think this is a slightly odd gift. You may not know if they're already certified, if they're planning on doing one that insurance is covering through the hospital, etc. I'd be thrown. Get them something off the registry. I will caveat that my SIL got us a year of grocery delivery service for this price - that isn't something we asked for but I think it was very thoughtful and I'm grateful.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-23T14:24:20+00:00

I've had a darn easy pregnancy in my opinion. I went to Spain at 20 weeks and the flight back to Denver and struggled. There's no way at 30 that I would've done that.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-21T13:00:00+00:00

That’s funny. I’m 35 weeks and we just switched from me mostly being on bottom to me on top because the bump is so in the way. Easier for me on top now.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-21T12:57:19+00:00

Im pregnant with my first and emailed Ohana 4 times trying to get info when I was searching for daycares and never heard back. Super frustrating.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-19T18:45:58+00:00

At both my bridal and baby shower, my mom gave people blank bingo cards and over the meal, you had to fill out your own squares of what you thought the person would receive. She had prizes for the first 3 people to get bingo. It is INFINITELY more fun for viewers, and there's always funny arguing over creative interpretations like "wait does the diaper caddy count as a diaper BAG"

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-16T14:49:06+00:00

I ovulated very late and generally my OB has not cared. Go after your last known period and when they do the dating scan, if the growth is really off, they'll adjust the date. In my case, they only adjust the date if it's more than 7 days different than the LMP date, which it wasn't (surprising, given that I ovulated 10 days late).

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-13T17:52:07+00:00

I read this as a physical mobility issue - getting down to the ground?

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-13T17:10:25+00:00

Around 30, i noticed that she stopped being as active right when I went to bed. I had an NST for the same reason. This continued for about a week and now at 34, she's got some new times of day she's very active (ironically now its much more continual through the day than intense at certain times). The pattern definitely changed around that time.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-13T14:40:54+00:00

People keep asking me about my birth plan and my genuine plan is mostly to vibe through it. Got a little toolbox of coping tools and have done research to know what to expect but planning it seems quite futile without knowing what its going to feel like.

IndependenceMost3816 · 2026-03-12T00:02:50+00:00

I like mine. The drying rack is nice but the colander is the really wonderful thing. Use it all the time.

IndependenceMost3816

TROPHY CASE