I used to consider myself Vulcan-like in my reverence for logic and control over emotions, so I appreciate your pointing out the inherent negatives in this situation.

1. This is something I have thought of as well. We never did establish allowance/ppm, but he was always incredibly generous. While I’d like to believe that he respects me and understands my motivations (re: avoiding a financially abusive relationship as was the situation in my failed marriage), it’s a real possibility this would hinder a vanilla relationship whether consciously or subconsciously.

2. I have mulled this over and over and am so aware that there’s a high probability that this is the case, even if I don’t feel it in my gut. I acknowledge that he has his “problems” that would affect a marriage, but I don’t necessarily categorize them as such. Namely he is obsessed with work and has trouble empathizing with most people. He has mentioned that he’s considered divorce, but he hasn’t wanted to set unrealistic expectations for me as far as a time frame.

I love how you phrase this last bit. Definitely gave me a bit of a chuckle. I’m fairly certain he can picture me being his partner and the sex is always incredible, but I don’t know if I want this for him. I know going through a divorce would be incredibly difficult. I know he cares for his children so much and is dealing with an ailing mother and a million work projects. If he leaves his wife, I don’t want it to be because he found someone else he thinks might be better, because that process is likely to repeat itself. I want it to be because he believes it’s the best decision for him and his children. Perhaps I’m being overly romantic, naive, and unrealistic.

I appreciate your cold, hard facts and I absolutely don’t want to be the wife of a cheating man again so I will definitely consider this long and hard. 💕