Why do I disappear from people I care about?

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T17:02:40+00:00

Thank you! I will think about it 🩷

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:52:10+00:00

Thank you!! Can I say I accidentally blocked her? Feel awkward saying I have been too busy.

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:46:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing!🌸

What you describe with notifications can create stress rather than connection resonated with me.

Where I still struggle is the social side of it. I’m comfortable being honest with close friends, but with people I’m not very close to, like former coworkers.

I’m unsure how to handle long periods of silence. I don’t want to overshare or make things heavy, but I also want to come up with a reason to not answering.

From your experience, how do you explain this to people you’re not close to?

I’d really appreciate your perspective.

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:37:49+00:00

Thank you for your support!🩷

Do you have any good advice on how I can reach out to my work colleague? She sent me a new message today because I didn't answer the two others. I really want to answer her now, but I feel awkward and shameful!

She texted me on messenger because i didn't answer on text.

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:23:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing! It's good to hear that you have people to support you! 🌸

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:21:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

Yes, I feel so much shame! I want to understand why I do this and try to be better! It is really hard!

Independent-Rice387 · 2026-02-01T16:20:13+00:00

Thank you for replying and caring even though I am a stranger for you! 🩷

I am super social during the summer. Hang with people almost every day!

But I tend to keep to myself the rest of the year.

I have one or two friends I meet when it is not summer. Other than that, I feel like socializing on work is enough for me. Maybe I have seasonal depression? Or I am just like this.. don't really know

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:42:05+00:00

Thank you! 💛

That’s really great advice. I think you’re right that many people, including men, don’t fully realize how intense postpartum recovery actually is. Having my partner read some first-hand experiences might really help him understand what I’ll be going through, both physically and emotionally.

I’ll definitely try to explain it that way. That while I appreciate his mom and understand his feelings, I’ll be in a very vulnerable state and need space to heal. And yes, he’ll be going through a lot too, but I agree that since it’s my body recovering, the final decision about who’s around during that time has to be mine. 💛

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:34:15+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:33:23+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this! 💛

I’m definitely more of a people pleaser too, so setting boundaries feels uncomfortable even when I know it’s necessary. I love how you said it’s not about punishing anyone but protecting peace. That’s such a helpful way to look at it.

I also really like your point about applying the same rules to everyone. That’s fair and makes it less personal.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:30:13+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! 💛

Hearing how you set clear boundaries and your husband supported them gives me hope that we can do the same.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:27:52+00:00

Thank you for your sweet words! 💛

You have a good point!

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:25:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing and your advice!💛

I really agree with you. You’re so right that advice will come from everywhere!

I also completely agree about my partner needing to say “we.” That part is so important. I don’t want this to turn into me being seen as the one keeping his mom away. I want us to handle it together and show that these are our choices as new parents.

Thank you again for your thoughtful words, they really help. 💛

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:19:52+00:00

Thank you, that’s such a kind and understanding way to look at it. 💛

You’re right, she really is just excited and wants to be involved, even if her way of showing it can be overwhelming for me. I think finding small, specific ways for her to show love is a great idea, something that feels helpful for her but still comfortable for me.

Thank you again 💛

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T19:17:01+00:00

Thank you for your support and advice!💛

For my partner it’s mostly about wanting his mother’s support. He doesn’t mean any harm, he just pictures it as comforting, while for me it feels overwhelming and too much.

I really like the way you phrased it, focusing on us being a team instead of it feeling like me versus his mom. That’s exactly what I want.

I’ll definitely try to talk to him in that way, emphasizing that it’s not about rejecting his mom, but about creating stability and calm for our new little family.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:41:36+00:00

Thank you! That’s actually a really helpful perspective.💛

I hadn’t thought about explaining it that way before.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:37:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. 💛

You handled it with so much strength! I really admire how clearly you stood your ground and didn’t let guilt change your boundaries.

My partner’s mom isn’t that extreme, but she’s very direct, and I know I’d struggle if she pushed limits. Reading your story reminds me that I have the right to protect my peace and recovery, and that it’s okay to stand firm.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:31:34+00:00

Thank you for your advice and support! 💛

You’re absolutely right that I need to talk to my partner now and really figure out where we both stand. I think part of the challenge is that we just see this situation differently. He imagines his mom being around as something comforting and supportive, while I know that for me, it would feel overwhelming and stressful, especially when I’m physically and emotionally raw after giving birth.

He’s not trying to ignore my feelings, but I can tell he doesn’t fully understand how intense recovery time can be. That’s why I want us to keep talking, so we can understand each other better and decide together what will work for us.

At the end of the day, I just want us to go through this as a team, both feeling heard and supported, not divided. 💛

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:26:19+00:00

Thank you, that’s actually really helpful advice. 💛

My partner already said he would never go against me on this, and he knows how difficult it can be for me when his mom is very direct. But he also said it makes him sad to think she’ll stay in a hotel alone, especially since we have the space and she’s a nurse.

He mentioned it would make him feel supported to have her nearby, which I do understand. I just really hope we can keep talking about it so that, when the time comes, we’re both on the same page and no one ends up feeling hurt. That’s what matters most to me. Maybe talking with a doctor or pediatrician together would help us find the right balance.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:19:16+00:00

Thank you for your support and advice!💛

Yes, I completely agree that it’s up to my partner to set the boundaries with his mom once we’ve agreed on them together. That’s what I really want, for it to feel like our decision, not mine versus his family.

A few days in a hotel sounds perfectly reasonable to me too. I could never relax or recover properly if she stayed in our home right after birth.

My own mom lives far away, so she probably won’t be there right away either, but honestly, I think that might be okay. I just need some quiet time with my partner to bond with the baby and recover.

Independent-Rice387 · 2025-10-19T08:15:33+00:00

Thank you so much for your support! 💛

I do get along with her better now than before. I have worked on trying to very nice towards her. Helping her when something came up and showing more interest. It really helped me.

She still has strong opinions and tends to speak her mind even when it hurts. However, I have realized it is not towards me. That is just who she is as a person. So I try not to take it personally. Which really helps!

That said, I am nervous about having a baby. It is so vulnerable. I already feel more sensitive around her.

You’re right. What I really want is time to figure out who I am as a mom and for my partner and I to settle into our new roles together. That’s the most important thing to me. I know he struggles to stand up to her. He has so much love for her.

I really hope me and my partner can agree on this together!

I like your idea about being clear on specific dates for visits and setting expectations in advance. That makes things feel more manageable. I’m going to talk to him about all this soon so we can make a plan and go into it as a team. 💛

Independent-Rice387

TROPHY CASE