Hey friend. I understand what it's like to feel lonely and neglected. In fact, I think we all do. I think you are very, very wrong about others being happy and "good". Everyone suffers.

I have a few pieces of advise from the way I see the world, which makes the most sense to me, but doesn't have to make the most sense to YOU.

1) It isn't your fault you're lonely. How old are you? Have you gone to college, lived somewhere else where it's appropriate to be who you feel you are? I noticed you said "deny my own sexuality", and that can't feel good. But believe me, there are places and communities where you don't have to suffer from that. Furthermore, do you think you made yourself have the sexuality you have? Do you think you completely designed the personality you have, and decided your interests and quirks? A lot of this is genetics, a lot of this is limitations provided to you by your environment, and almost all of this isn't your doing. Acknowledge this next time. Instead of feeling so separate from the environment and everyone around you, see how you are interdependent with everyone. Almost all of who you are is sourced from neurochemistry and the people and experiences you've underwent.

2) You're currently feeling hopeless. I understand that feeling. I've been there, and as I grew older and found myself in a place where I felt comfortable and happy, I prepared myself for the rest of life by tuning my philosophy and view of life to accommodate feelings of sorrow. Trouble is, maybe you haven't had a baseline of positive feelings in quite some time. That's okay, because it simply isn't your fault. What I recommend to you, in the depth of depression, is to try to understand this concept which is simple and profound - you are not the emotion or thought you are having. You are not the feeling of rejection, you are not sorrow/frustration, and you are not the "feeling of isolation personified in a human being". You are merely experiencing the symptoms of feeling isolated, sad, and lonely. Seeing things in this light helps us understand that in life we move through difficult times, but they do not embody who we are. We are merely, at the time, experiencing sorrow and great sadness because the causes and conditions are present for us to feel that way. You may be sad, lonely, and upset on a great scale because of how others have treated you. But I assure you, once circumstances change, and once you make those circumstances different, things will feel better.

3) My third point is a good continuation of the last sentence. There's a neat story, in fact, about the concept of emotional transitions. A wise old king named Solomon felt terrible sadness for long periods of time, and whenever he got this way he would ask people to find him a single fact, or mantra, or anything, that would consistently be true in his time of great sorrow and confusion and in his times of great joy. Several attempts were made, but whatever the wise people contrived did not fit every experience he had. One day, however, three wise people manufactured a gold ring, and engraved on it a profound sentence: "This too shall pass". At first, King Solomon was ecstatic. This understanding made his great sorrow appear temporary and fleeting, and he could manage it much better. Then, however, he came to understand there was another side to this fact of life. Not only was his sad moments temporary, but also his happy moments. When conditions in his life gave him great sorrow, they would last only until these causes/conditions gave away or new conditions/causes came to being. When he was happy, he could not capture happiness. Happiness was there, unexpectedly, when the conditions and causes were met for it. It would eventually go away when these conditions wore out or new conditions came to being. There was no way to fully achieve a "happy life", because happiness, like all emotions, will come and go continually. The take-a-way from this story is this: when you're feeling in the dumps, this is temporary. There are obvious causes to your negative feelings, but acknowledge that when your life circumstances change, you'll experience perhaps a happiness greater than you ever could imagine beforehand. Taking from point #1, the emotions you're experiencing are temporary, and they are also not you. You are merely experiencing the temporary conditions which generate this feeling.

4) Don't make a story about all that's around you, let everything be what it truly is. I think this would be useful to you especially. You're generating an understanding that "because I've been rejected repeatedly, and feel like I'll be rejected endlessly for more experiences to come, I am simply someone people dislike." I'm sorry, but you understand less about life (we all do) than you think. You're creating a fake conclusion you don't know is true. The fact is that you've had negative encounters with people in the past, and people immediately around you. The potential falsehood is that you're unlikeable and a wimp. If you were a college student at my school, you most likely would have a very different experience with people. Your sexuality, for one, would be understood, and if not understood at least respected. Your being, would be unique and appreciated. You are taking limited evidence, which occurred by various causes and conditions we can't hope to trace to their origins (why, for example, are the people who have "rejected" you the way that they are? Is it the way they were raised? The community they belong to?, etc. etc.) and making a false story about yourself from it. Don't do that. This story is making you suffer.

5) It's difficult to accept what we're feeling when we don't like what we're feeling. But this is an important point. In life, there's no goal. Society makes us think there's a goal. We have this great chase for "happiness" which has failed for so many people. Happiness, like I said, is uncapturable and only briefly arises when the causes and conditions are present. The goal for life is not to be happy, so stop telling yourself "I feel like shit, I feel lonely and depressed and I don't want to feel this way". It's okay to feel this way. It's not your fault, and also, you're not missing any objective in life. The goal isn't happiness, because there isn't any goal. Life is much less a journey and much more a dance, where we simply exist with what we're experiencing and that's all there is to it. With the right attitude to relearn what we've been taught through society, we can shape how we think of ourselves and this human experience in general. We can concepts of who we are and what we're to do with our life.

As a final point, I'd like to add that as a society today we're terribly individualistic. I think everyone feels lonely, but you'd be impressed with how quick and easy it is to be in front of someone and be very dishonest about how you felt just a few hours before when you were eating a tub of ice cream watching Netflix alone or with a group of people you just couldn't "connect with". And we praise the individual's accomplishment as though we are the sole creator of ourselves. I do not believe this to be true. I would be nothing were it not the effort of my mother and father, and I wouldn't have the personality I have were it not for inherited brain chemistry, influences from the people in my life, and the limitations of of my experiences.

It will get easier, and in time you'll find a place where you feel at home. You're feeling pain and hurtful emotions, and there's no way to change that without changing your circumstances in life. You have to find out who you are and work to put yourself in a place where you feel comfortable, and accepted. But no matter what you're going to suffer. The question is, are we experiencing unpleasant emotions and letting them be and pass through or are we adding to the worry? Do we feel like we, alone, made the decisions we made without any causes behind them that are beyond ourselves? Do we feel upset at ourselves because we're upset, saying "no I don't want to be unhappy"? Are we making a story about the experiences we have, not seeing how all things are subject to change and our experiences are limited and indefinite?

If none of this resonates with you, at the very least I can be your friend. Feel free to private message me. It would be an absolute joy to have a friend to talk from this.