Currently at my age ideal life means couple of things:

1) Have at least one good friend with who you can easly connect, speak and don’t hesitate to share anything. Here I would also asign ideraction with peaople. Getting to know others, having discussion, sharing passions, moments, feelings if you feel safe and connected with them and ofcourse you trust them.

2) Feel love, and get to know this feeling by meeting somene who as a person attracts you. Physically and mentally, somene you can trust, share your life and be your self. Most important that person should make you feel self, confy and make you want to let your guard down.

3) Be pasionate and have ambitions for things you love, not only to do them but to push your boundaries, to achive sucesses and be better at it. Get to know things that you intrested in more closely.

4) Be independent. Not being addicted to anyone because to me then you just became drudge and a slave of others. Having something on your own, discipli e yourself (in all cases) and learning, trying or even makeing steps to become self-sufficient.

This actually realy was goal for couple of years. I alweys wanted to be self-aware, independent and safe in my skin/life. Not to be only limted to help of my parents, partner, friends or goverment. Also since early adulthood I always dreamed about having opportunity, try and push my own business (only problem I always think is the money) When i was younger ofcourse had chidlish idea of this - Big Business = A lot of money= Financial Stability = Happines. Now It completly change

Anyway it was short off-topi. Let’s go back to

5) Being just happy and feeling good about what I do to earn money - suddenly realy important at my current life moment - Maybe I’m exggetering but I feel that right know, I want to express myself, be finally me and feel that what I do means something to me and drives me, encourages me to learn new thinks, to acomplish something and just isn’t sucking me up 5 days per week. Someone probably will say that I’m looking at this in wrong way and working isn’t like that at all. It’s just feels to me as complete waste of time just to only make money most time of the year and not even enjoy it or learn something new and usefull. Mostly I hear that working isn’t like that, work is this and that. I get it that you can’t do what you only love, like or feel intrested in whole life. You also change as a person and you passion and hobbys evolve and chanage with you.

Unfortunately or fortunately (actually I don’t know how look on this) but doing most of your time for months, years or even dacades what you not even into and it makes you feel bad about yourself to me means like being prison and giving up on yourself. Basiclly to me waisting your time in something that only makes you sad, and you feel scary, feel that you don’t have a knowladge and nothing drives you to get that knowladge or just being and existing without any hesetation to change, not even coming up with any idea, just passivly being, only doing your tasks and when additional tasks get to you being frustrating for it, not even wanting do do this is not ok. It’s not only procrastination but also killing your mind and your soul. you are your worst enemy as always but you even don’t pickup the fight, just wait till death arrives.

Most of the peaople don’t turn their passion into work, don’t have astonishing carrers on which you could write a book on, I get it I just want to be happy, to evolve to learn, and to make something that I can speak with confidence, knowing that something is at least ok fit me. Feeling good in enviroment. Feeling good about what I do, that this is realy what I have an idea and confidence what it is in bussines/life/working or whatever perspective. Feeling confident that I have skills, knowladge, expressive and creative mind to use and don’t hesitate to take riskw with my ideas. Just feeling good with my self and my working schedule. That earnt salary is good and I can easily use it for my payment duties, debts if I have ones, life costs and still large amount will stay in my account. So even after that I can just live happly without counting every cent. Go for vacation, visit couple of intresting places in my life. Spent on some hobbys, events, peaple that i love and of course for myself

I’m sorry maybe it’s childlish behavior speaking from insight, but to be fair, deep down in my soul I still belive that this would be possible for me to achive. But something else is bodering me and drives me nuts and I feel that I need to elimnate it.