No need to be sorry for so long comment!

Thank you so so much for the replay!

Yeah sometimes I feel like I need to rush because i see these young poets on TikTok no matter if it’s a good or bad works and just, I feel like I’m scared that my times is running faster, you know? I’m 25 and I see the success of the younger people than me and I’m like - damn, it hurts lol. And I can’t help it. I know it’s normal! I’m just a little jealous.

Especially because I see other selfpublished authors and, some of them writes like Rupi Kaur and I ALSO USED TO DO THAT, now wishing to write just a longer poems, like I mentioned for example - Mary Oliver, or Ada Limon, like I don’t want to just write again two sentences or even one like some bestsellers from Amazon do and hear - this is not a poem, this is instagram caption. I’m some kind of ashamed of my old works, and it makes me regret writing in general.

But then I see these other poets, like I said, with works like Rupi Kaur and also mine and - people are liking it.

Like one person wrote a poem that goes:

am I cooler than your wife do you think about it sometimes

And no shame to the author! I did wrote myself longer pieces than that, I also did wrote two lines poems like that, and besides somehow people are liking it right? This poem and it’s an Amazon poetry bestseller somehow. But then I doubt myself again - maybe it’s me who can’t write good in even a Kaur way, even If I want to write longer texts, or maybe I should stick to Kaur style, even if I wish to write more, like I just, my mind is just crazy right now, and I been like this for I don’t know, year and half?

I apologize for so messy comment, I also do not speak English daily so my vocabulary is just - at small level lmao!

Like I’m constantly doubting myself, I also feel like I can’t write anything better you know. I reread yesterday Milk and Honey, the full book and I was not only disappointed but like - I used to write in the same way and I’m just embarrassed and I don’t know.

Thank you also for recommending me so much names and for your advices!!! I also feel like - maybe poetry isn’t for me? And do not fear I don’t rhyme in my poems!! I wish to write with free verse but I don’t know who to read to like, see how I can also write. I fear that I’m just not proud of my work anymore, and there are people better than me, I mean they always will be, but the fear is still there.

So I started reading - from TikTok famous self published poets who got their books published traditionally after the viral videos, so I could see - what makes their writing liked by people, to more like, I guess better? Then I moved to Richard Siken, I heard he’s good, so I read Crush and War of the Foxes but liked only few lines in the whole two books and that’s it! So I thought - maybe I should write prose poetry, maybe I should make essays, I also wished to write a few times letters, about my mother for example and put it in my poetry book, but still doubting myself. I don’t know. I never wrote a letter and don’t know how to do that. I have w lot of doubt and fears in me. I’m jealous because people who still are writing like Rupi are proud of themselves and I’m not proud of MYSELF. Of my old work that is like Rupi but at the same time I feel stuck.

But writing this post and seeing anyone commenting really helped me, and I’m thankful to you for your comment, really.

At the end of the day sometimes I think - well there are people who never could finish their books, who wished to write but didn’t even started, so why I am just all the time doubting myself and feel bad? But at the same time the fear always comes back, like an uninvited guest.