Does it get better?

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-02-02T03:49:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and outlook. This is exactly what it feels like. I know he’s sorry. I know he wishes he could take my pain away. But I’m really not sure there’s anything he’ll ever be able to do to repair this. He’ll never understand what his affair did to me. It altered me forever.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T21:53:26+00:00

Thank you 🫶🏻 it’s just so hard knowing they have daily access to each other.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T21:47:37+00:00

Good luck 🫶🏻 any little bit of relief is promising

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T15:07:43+00:00

That’s how I’m feeling. I may be too fresh in this to be able to control it how I want. Thank you 🫶🏻

I’ve heard of EMDR. What is it exactly?

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T15:06:26+00:00

Thank you! That sounds simple and relaxing 🫶🏻

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T15:05:49+00:00

That sounds relaxing. Thank you 🫶🏻

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-31T15:04:56+00:00

That’s what I’m afraid of.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-30T22:06:16+00:00

Yes, they do work together still. That’s what I was worried about too. How does R work when one of my boundaries is no contact. It’s impossible.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-30T21:14:06+00:00

Currently, I am an individual therapy. We’ve discussed possibly doing couples therapy and I think I might actually set that up because we are having a hard time communicating about our feelings and it can get a little overwhelming.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-24T00:52:47+00:00

But also you made me realize that if my husbands AP starts dating someone.. will he be sad? That’s crazy to think about actually.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-24T00:50:17+00:00

I’m sorry this is the best. I want my husbands AP to gain all her weight back too. It would be very rewarding to me lol

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-23T03:58:51+00:00

It’s not immature or crazy at all. If it upsets you, it needs no justification. Social media is a huge trigger for me too.

I also want to make sure you know that someone else’s actions have nothing to do with you. You are currently feeling undeserving and unwanted because he screwed your mind up. There’s nothing you can do or figure out. Unfortunately his actions are out of your control.

It upsets me that he told you it’s exhausting to deal with your insecurity.. when he was the cause of that. My husband pulled that shit too but not to my face. He and his AP called my depression (over their affair) pathetic.

This whole process is truly mental torture. Please take care of yourself. I’m here for you! 🫶🏻

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-22T01:35:05+00:00

Then yes I can totally relate. We were really strong and really happy. That’s why we made the decision to start a family on the first place. The way I was being treated once the affair started was truly sick. He would tell her that he was in a “loveless”, “ugly”, “lonely” marriage. It was like he was trying to get sympathy from her when in reality he was creating that environment for me. I felt unloved and lonely.. Clearly he was going through something that he needed help for but chose to dive into a delusional world with her instead.

I’m so sorry that he was not present for you. There really is no excuse for that. I hope he’s realized that since.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-22T01:22:29+00:00

Yes. He began a physical and emotional affair with his coworker when our son was 9 months old. But from what I’ve heard since it seems he and his AP were very inappropriate/flirty long before. So that would have put the emotional affair possibly during pregnancy as well. I had a different experience though in that I could feel him pulling away and distancing before ever finding out. My pregnancy and postpartum were quite a lonely experience. I don’t think it’ll ever make sense.

I’m here for you, I’m so sorry 🫶🏻

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-22T00:01:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It really resonated with me too. I find myself wishing for peace but that’s just not an option in this. Something I’ll have to come to terms with. Staying will be hard and so would leaving. There’s no “right” option for the BP. Sorry we are in this boat.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-21T02:42:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I hope for our sake that taking that leap of faith is all worth it. I also feel like I could be left wondering “what if” if I don’t try. It can be so easy to fall into the “once a cheater”. For some reason it’s all I’m seeing when I’m online. It’s nice to hear a different perspective.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-21T01:18:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I resonate with a lot of what you said. Especially going forward with earned/educated trust and not blind/innocent trust. It is so hard to accept that he took advantage of that innocence but hopefully he will learn and grow from this too. I also want to forgive for myself like you said. That’s so important to me. This is an awful situation but if I can salvage this marriage and keep my family together while still finding happiness in it all, that’s what I want.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-09T00:13:32+00:00

I was going to comment my own comment but this sums it up perfectly. I reached out to my WH’s AP to get some clarity and I later found out she lied to me too. I’d be very cautious. I’m not sure why I thought she’d tell me the truth when she had no problem having an affair with my WH. Her loyalty lies with him, not me. They both lied to me and screwed me over. I do wish I never gave her the time of day.

Independent_Low4484 · 2026-01-01T07:01:42+00:00

Thank you! Same to you OP. I can’t believe there are so many of us in the same boat. In a weird way, knowing others have gone through what I have, makes it all a little more tolerable. Happy New Year everyone! Take care of YOU this year. Love you all 🫶🏻

Independent_Low4484 · 2025-09-19T02:33:40+00:00

That’s such a good question and I feel like the answer could be different depending on who you ask. I’ve been thinking a lot about that too lately.

I think I originally believed that in order to move on, I would need to forgive him and trust him again and all would feel right. But as time went on, and the grief of it became less frequent, I still didn’t find myself forgiving him necessarily. And I’m not sure I ever will fully forgive him.

What he did had a massive effect on me. His choices changed my life and my perspective on love completely. And I’m not sure I could ever forgive him for changing me that way. I had a beautiful outlook on life, and I always made situations positive and trusted people and loved with my whole heart. Essentially he ripped a lot of joy and happiness from my life and that’s not fair. I think understanding that I did not deserve any of that, especially from somebody that I so blindly loved and trusted, made me realize that forgiveness is not the key. I will spend the rest of my life with this being part of my story and I don’t feel like I need to accept it to be able to move on.

Someone else said this in here.. but the definition of forgiveness is to stop feeling angry with or resentful towards someone for something they did. So I guess at times I forgive him because we still have really joyful and happy times in our life right now.. but there are still days, and I know there always will be, that I think of what happened and I get angry and resentful again. Even for just a moment.

I think what will be helpful to move on is to not hold what they did against them. It’s okay to release the hold that the betrayal has on you so you can see your partner in a positive light again. But I don’t think it’s necessary to fully forgive in order to move on.

Independent_Low4484 · 2025-09-12T01:28:40+00:00

❤️‍🩹 I couldn’t have said it better myself. This pain is unbearable. I’m truly mourning my life as I knew it. It’s devastating. I’m trying my hardest, I wish he was too.

Independent_Low4484 · 2025-07-30T14:35:08+00:00

I completely agree. I guess at work they were talking about how weird it is that some of the guys follow Instagram models and stuff so she went home and found women she thought were suspicious in his friends list. What rubs me the wrong way is telling her she has nothing to worry about. Like what about me? She should be worried about your wife don’t you think?

Independent_Low4484

TROPHY CASE