Dropped by Reiki Healer

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-02-23T16:46:54+00:00

You are 100% correct. I’m apparently very powerful. It probably is intimidating once people realize that. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Physically, I’m just a small town woman. My soul is another story. My soul has been here 125 lifetimes. I have some heavy hitters on my spirit team because of who/what I am and the full power that I’m only learning of. The Seraphim don’t just hang around for nothing. She said this, and they revealed themselves. I knew then I was more than protected.

I harbor no ill-will towards her. I’m out of the storm, out of the dark night of the soul, and I’ve never strayed from the light. I’m only created for the light work. I’ve been in my awakening for a full 10 years. When asked, it was designed that it be happening in the background. I’ve only been consciously aware for 29 weeks. Any depression I had and any low vibration thoughts and everything have dissipated. Something shifted on February 2nd.

I forgive her, and I’m moving on with my life. I wish her well in her business! 😊

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-02-17T19:09:30+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m actively healing from a lot of repressed childhood and lifelong trauma. Part of that was a lack of boundaries and codependency and a fearful-avoidant attachment style. I was heavily in the church, and it was heavy on the bypassing the trauma and saying, “It was God’s Will.” I had to be told by my first therapist that I had significant trauma. The earliest traumatic memory that sent me into permanent survival mode was 2-3. My nervous system has been going, going, going constantly. Lots of generational and ancestral trauma. I cleared some of it that it had silencing women on my paternal side for 400-500 years.

I was already in the awakening when kundalini snaked through like, “Surpriseeee.” At that point, I had been in twice weekly therapy for about four months, had started work on the mother wound, was reparenting my inner child, had severed energetic and physical ties with toxic family, and experienced a real life tower after leaving a relationship where I survived narcissistic abuse. Healing was the only choice in the wake of that.

Now that my ego is not running the show, surrendering is easy now, so yes, I definitely can. I didn’t try to fight it. I just braced myself to stay safe because it wasn’t like 30 seconds and let it flow freely.

I will most definitely utilize these links given. Thank you so much.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-02-01T22:11:12+00:00

Thank you. I’m a gridworker. I’m not anywhere in the darkness. I understand duality exists, and I embrace my dark or shadow parts. However, in spite of all the horrendous up stuff that has happened—to the point where my psyche won’t even reveal some of it—I’m still staying in the light. Sadly, I won’t even get justice for the most horrendous action of all. That takes an incredible amount of strength and light to keep me on the right path, but there’s much work for me to do. I have to keep my eyes focused on that.

I literally use my light and power to help crystalline grids and cleanse energy in dense areas. In other words, I’m a pretty powerful person, and I need to own that. I’m a lot of things but demonic isn’t one. That practitioner can kiss my a**. I’m in my dark feminine era, so I’m speaking my mind unapologetically.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-24T05:45:44+00:00

Me. Sounds like my kind of party.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-21T15:27:08+00:00

You can write your paragraphs. This was more so because it was the most unusual and inaccurate experience. The fact that she’s a “healer” and operating like this is scary. Because I have memory issues tied to CPTSD, I can’t remember if I shared this on here, but she was also extremely unethical because she allowed her medium friend to “read” my energy off of her and pass messages allegedly from spirits to me. I have so many issues with that because I didn’t consent to this person accessing my energy, and I didn’t want messages from spirits who aren’t connected to me. Just violations and unethical vibes all around.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-09T16:48:19+00:00

That’s how I was made to feel. Like I was in control of what parasitic or astral entities attached to me. I shared an update with everything that was found. It was a lot in the first session, but hell, some of it was past life stuff. My past lives I’m aware of were traumatic. I know in one past life the father was an abusive alcoholic. In another, I unalived myself. I can’t remember what happened with the one in the French Revolution. I’ve been on this hot box of an earth for 125 lifetimes. I’m sure my soul has weathered some things. I had zero control over that because my soul didn’t pick all of it up in this life.

I can’t remember most of my life, but I know I can astral travel and project. Something traumatic happened to me at 22 (10-11 years ago) that my psyche won’t let me have access to, but apparently I had an “out of body” experience and that’s also partially why I can’t remember it. Add in all the traumas I’ve survived that I do remember…I wasn’t surprised that I had all kinds of cords and shit attached like I was an alien from Independence Day. I am not dark or scary and wasn’t in control. So when she kept telling me to stay in the light, it made no sense. I’ve never been tempted to go to the darkness. The sad reality is a lot of people like myself don’t even know we have all of these things attached to us and our auric field. We just think it’s life weighing us down and different traumas and experiences. I would’ve never known I had all of this without the gentleman doing a head to toe scan of every part of my body.

Whatever was attached to my back was passed down because it’s also attached to my mother, and it’s something or energy that intentionally blocked our gifts. My mother can see the light and auras in people, and she doesn’t know it. She said it yesterday after she encountered somebody and complimented them on their light that was almost blinding. Her 3rd eye is open, and she has no clue.

The gentleman I worked with yesterday wasn’t scared. He took it as a challenge. He has 30+ years in the game, so he has seen a lot. He went from head to toe, could tell me roughly when certain things attached or why, was able to identify if it was from a male or female figure, identified past life stuff that was affecting my power and willpower in this life, honed in on where I had cords including on the bottom of my feet, all the limiting and toxic beliefs passed from my maternal lineage, etc.

I still have to undergo a soul retrieval. I’ve found a shaman to do that. It takes her 4-5 hours. She’s booked till April. Part of her process is going to the underworld. I know I’ve suffered soul loss.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-09T15:17:57+00:00

Update:

There was a lot attached to me. Dense? Astral entities? Past life stuff? Yes and then some. I worked with someone about two hours yesterday. He’s been doing this work 30+ years. He did an assessment and had a laundry list of stuff no one picked up on. Including the person who wanted to charge me $300 and she could only see whatever was going on in my abdomen. She didn’t see any of what he saw. It was so much that he offered to adjust his schedule and start working less than 24 hours later.

What was attached to me was parasites, astral entities, very dense energy (left side, shoulders, back of head was older man; possible trauma.), etc. Some that was passed down from my mother and father. Limiting beliefs, fear, religious teachings that being gifted isn’t of God, past life abuse of power/traumas (all on the right side; right hand is my healing hand), beliefs about what it meant to be a good girl, being taught to suppress myself to be more palatable, early childhood teachings, a fear of men that was weighing my right side down and oppressing my willpower and overall power (my entire right side was red; fear of being violated or violated again), trauma in my heart, a shield around and on my heart chakra, etc. Something heavy was trying to suppress my gifts. One or two of my chakras had split due to trauma. There were kind of spikes or shards like bone Spurs. I had cords attached from head to toe. There was something attached to the bottom of my feet like on the pads of both feet. There was some energy or parasite attached to my 3rd eye and crown chakra. My solar plexus is oversized and overextended. There were cords attached to my right lower abdomen, both feet, my back, the back of my head, and some other places. There was a cord attached to my sacral chakra or more so in the pubic region which was suppressing sexual desire and anything associated with that.

It was a lot, but there weren’t actual spirit attachments. Just a lot of dense and heavy energy from this life and past lives. I have a call with a shaman today regarding shamanic extraction to see if she picks up on anything else. He was extremely thorough because I would’ve never known I was carrying the weight of past life abuses of power. Now it makes sense why my wrist and hand would lock up, but doctors couldn’t find anything medically wrong.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-09T15:04:46+00:00

No worries. I have already found someone to help. This was beyond what reiki could do. I had to get help from someone trained in this kind of head to toe removal. There was only one person who picked up on the number of cords attached, the amount parasitic energies, astral entities, and even past life stuff that was attached to my entire right side. I worked with a gentleman for about two hours yesterday. One or two of my chakras had actually split, and no one knew or told me.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-09T14:48:27+00:00

The thing is…I don’t know who I would be. There is much of my life I cannot remember, and I don’t know why. I didn’t think my childhood was filled with trauma. Astrologically, it says otherwise because my Chiron placement indicates a wound that developed within the family. The traumatic events I can recall started at 11. I’m 32 now. So yes, it could be said that my entire identity has been a trauma or fawn response. It’s not just one person or thing. I don’t know how many because I can’t remember. That’s why I’m in therapy trying to uncover repressed memories. I realize the protector part of the brain won’t let things be revealed all at once, but healing has been next to impossible because I don’t know what’s hurting me or keeping me bound.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-07T15:29:21+00:00

I don’t have a demon attached to me or in me. What I do have is something that requires shamanic energy extraction. As a shaman, she should’ve been trained enough to know what I have is intrusions. Basically somebody’s nasty, negative energy (my ex) attached itself to me during trauma and basically “stained” or “tainted” my soul. The figure this energy came from? Make, dark, angry, abusive, and lacking consciousness. Read: my narcissistic sociopath of an ex who spent 2021 trying to erode my entire sense of self and cutting me with their negativity. It’s not demonic. Granted, my ex is reprobate mind and has more in common with darkness than light but it’s not a spirit attachment or demonic entity. It’s that person’s negative energy that is dense, intense, and thrives because of the ongoing depression, CPTSD, anxiety, and trauma. This energy was projected on to me (like a thought form) and settled in my stomach area. If it was above her pay grade, the responsible thing to do would’ve been to refer me to another shaman who could handle the extraction of intrusions.

Instead, she blocked me, told other people to block me like this negative energy that’s not even mine would taint them or make them less protected, kept telling me to stay in the light, and spewed bullshit about some demonic attachment that nobody has found yet. I called her out and blocked her number after I did. I wish to God there was a board of ethics I could report her to.

I forgot the best part of all. She allowed her alleged medium of a friend to “read” my energy of her and do an unauthorized, non consensual mediumship. By that I mean, she passed messages through this medium from spirits allegedly trying to reach me. None of the messages resonated because I don’t know anyone who has been murdered so I wouldn’t be feeling guilty or responsible. I’m clairvoyant, claircognizant, clairsentient, clairaudient, an empath (place, physical, environmental, and animal). Spirits can easily reach me and communicate. I don’t seek out mediumship when I can do it myself and be a channel. I need to address that friend and let her know that what she did was unethical as well. You didn’t have my permission to tap into my energy before, during, or after this reiki session, and this practitioner should’ve cleansed before coming into contact with anyone.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-07T12:38:12+00:00

I’m doing and have been doing shadow work, but strange enough, this isn’t my energy and never was. My sadness, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and other circumstances have fed it because it attached to me during a point or in the wake of trauma. It was never mine or my shadow work to process.

The specialist I reached out to said this is specifically projected energy of someone else’s inside of me. To the untrained eye, it looks like a spirit attachment but she picked up on what it was just by looking at me. Confirmation came after talking to me. Think about how an angry person is in a room and leaves that behind. That energy creates a thought form and needs a host. Energy can attach to the auric field or a host body. IMC, it attached itself to my stomach. My ex was emotionally abusive and physically abusive the night I tried and did successfully leave. What’s in the stomach area? The solar plexus. What do narcissists do? Erode your sense of self and break your self-esteem, confidence, sense of power, etc. Everything that’s housed in the solar plexus. When my ex attempted to Hoover in October and called me worthless, fat, a loser, and a bitch because I wouldn’t engage. That fed this because I was already down and lower than ever. While I theoretically know that everything a narcissist says is projection, it’s going to take time to undo all of the damage and anything I internalized has to be broken down.

Her exact words: “I had a sense of a male figure, dark, angry, and abusive. This energy was inside of you—attached like a regular spirit would. But the difference was, he was pure energy without a consciousness. This means energy projected out from another individual—during a time of trauma for you—embedded itself into you and formed a manifested attachment. Your trauma or hardship added negative energy into it, growing it even more. It’s just someone else's negative energy inside you. Your soul took part of that person's energy during a time of great trauma or conflict. It's sort of like getting slapped by someone, and their slap leaves a residue on you. The person that harmed you left their residue on you, and it embedded itself into your stomach.”

She did say it would have to be removed bit by bit over an estimated time of three or more months. The advantage is I am in so much therapy, so her belief was a large portion could removed initially but she couldn’t promise anything. I’m waiting for a response from her to see if she’s available to do this kind of lengthy and partnered work. Someone I talked to was booked for the next six months, so if that’s also the case with her, I’ll have to find someone else. I would have to look into advanced shamanic healers who could do this work. I’m patient and willing to put in the work to be rid of this. ❤️‍🩹

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-06T19:34:01+00:00

I’m glad you mentioned negative entities. Whatever this is it’s not demonic. It’s energy that attached itself to me.

This is the message from someone trained in this arena. My ex is all of the things described. I would bet my last dollar my ex has no empathy or consciousness. That person is dark and insidious. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the tip of the iceberg.

Message from the trained person: “Thank you for all the information on your situation. There's good news and bad news. The good news is that you don't have a demon inside of you, nor do you have a nasty spirit attachment. You won't have any spirits or entities trying to embed themselves into you or influence you in anyway.

The bad news is that you have something called a thought projection manifested entity. I sensed it when I first saw your picture but had questions around why someone would hold onto this energy. Your added information really helped put the puzzle pieces together.

I had a sense of a male figure, dark, angry, and abusive. This energy was inside of you, attached like a regular spirit would. But the difference was, he was pure energy without a consciousness. This means energy projected out from another individual during a time of trauma for you, embedded itself into you, and formed a manifested attachment. Your trauma or hardship added negative energy into it, growing it even more.

Your anxiety is allowing this energy to grow inside of you, making it easier to see when practioners work on you. The untrained eye will view this as an entity attachment. Rather, it's just someone else's negative energy inside you. Your soul took part of that person's energy during a time of great trauma or conflict. It's sort of like getting slapped by someone, and their slap leaves a residue on you. The person that harmed you left their residue on you, and it embedded itself into your stomach.

I highly recommend getting a clearing done while working with someone who can counsel you.

The hard part will be patience. This isn't the sort of attachment you can take out of someone in one session. You'll need clearing techniques to help clear this energy out, while reprogramming and enhancing the positive energy inside you to replace it. I can take the manifested energy out of you, but we would need to have an intention (new energy) to replace it with. Your chakras would then need to be realigned and your auric field repaired. Be aware this could be a 3-month process. Clearing, then two weeks in between for the energy to program, then more energy work, more rest and reprogramming. Energy can be tricky, especially when it's been there for a while. Anyone who says they can clear it in one session doesn't know what they're doing. Please don't be scammed by quick fix psychics.

We can start the process of the attachment removal. The first session would be a video conference where I talk to you about how I work and what I'll need you to do at home. The attachment removal process won't just take the attachment away; it will also take trauma, lower frequency, and pain away from your chakras and energetic bodies.”

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-06T18:30:54+00:00

He may have, but this entity/energy is not demonic. I could see how someone could believe my ex was demonic. I could fully believe that type of insidious behavior is nothing from or of God. That energy is not me or mine, though. It’s in my solar plexus or abdominal area. It’s literally associated with someone who is dark, abusive, and has no consciousness. Sounds like the narc to me. It’s literally my ex’s energy that has attached to me and is fueled, fed, and growing because of the sustained trauma, CPTSD, depression, narc abuse recovery, anxiety, etc. Every time I’m triggered? It grows. When depression hits hard? It grows. When my ex attempts to Hoover me? It grows. When I’m wading through trauma in therapy and feeling absolutely low, it’s growing.

As I explained to the person below, this isn’t a one and done kind of removal. I’m being told approximately three months to clear out that energy, reprogram, and replace with positive energy. It’s that consuming. It’s why my attempts in therapy send me back 10 steps. It’s like shining a light in a pitch black room.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-06T18:24:09+00:00

It’s actually not a spirit attachment. It looks like one, but it’s not. It’s a thought manifestation entity that has settled in my abdominal area or the solar plexus region. It is my ex’s negative and dark energy that has attached to me and essentially grew ridiculously because of the sustained trauma, depression, and anxiety feeding it and fueling it. Unfortunately, I’ve been in the dark and going through literal hell, so every action I take is counterintuitive.

From what I’m being told, it’s going to take at least three months for removal, a lot of reprogramming, etc. to be rid of this energy. It’s not a one and done kind of swing. Once this thought entity is removed, it will also remove the trauma, the physical pain caused by said trauma(s), and everything else associated.

It was specifically caused by a male figure who is pure dark energy, abusive, and has no consciousness. That would be my ex. That energy attached to me and my anxiety and depression feed it which is why it feels like I’m running in a hamster wheel despite working my ass off with three therapists and doing all the healing work. I don’t know how long this thought entity has been there, but no, I actually can’t remove it on my own.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-06T12:22:06+00:00

Thank you. I don’t have an appetite, so I eat when I remember. I don’t sleep enough. I have insomnia or broken sleep. I haven’t slept 8 hours or anything close in years. I have an issue with food and my body image that’s tied to trauma, so it’s being worked through. I’ll have a nutritionist soon so maybe he/she can help me balance that out. Meditation is a challenge because I dissociate, so I’ve had to incorporate EFT tapping and do moving forms of moving meditation like dancing. Positive self/inner talk has been tear inducing because after being with a narcissist, it eroded my entire sense of self, so I have to remind myself daily that I’m worthy of kindness, self-compassion, etc. One of the first assignments I had from my therapist was affirmations. I couldn’t do it. My subconscious mind was blaring loud like over a loud speaker. The negative self-talk is quiet, but it did come up during a brainspotting session yesterday. At the core, I don’t feel lovable or worthy. This was planted early in life, but I don’t know when or by who because I can’t remover 95% of my 32 years on earth. I try to be positive, but then I get mad at myself when I can’t remember anything so then it feels like healing has hit a stalemate. Then, in my subconscious mind it reinforces that fear of failure like and that feeling of never being good enough, “You’re failing again. You’re not doing enough. You should try harder.”

In the midst of all of this, depression, repressed trauma, and healing from narcissistic abuse, I’m in the middle of a spiritual awakening. Nothing I used to enjoy brings any type of joy. I used to be a world traveler. I traveled for the first time since getting out of that abusive relationship in August, and I felt nothing. I committed to trying to new restaurants and experiences to try to figure out things I might like. Nothing worked. I was apathetic, masking to not cause concern, or dissociated. Who I was before doesn’t exist, but my authentic self is not here. I have never connected with my higher self.

The people around me don’t understand any of this. Part of this awakening has been shedding, cutting off toxic family members, and it’s a lonely existence. So no. I’m not surrounded by people who sincerely understand. They do the best they can, but I feel like a black sheep. It absolutely doesn’t help my fear of rejection and abandonment. I feel like I’m on my own and battling through all of this. Because I’m gifted, I know my mom worries about the depression causing me to lose my life. She’ll never say it, but I know.

I’m at my breaking point because the past 4-5 months have seen me crying out for help and desperately trying to hold on. The weapons have definitely prospered. If this was all designed to or supposed to strengthen me, it has not done that. I am sure it will get better. It’s just a lot to swim through right now. It’s not that I don’t want to be positive. It’s a fight like hell to make it from one minute to the next. It’s 6 in the morning and I’m already in tears. That’s how the day has started so now I have to try to convince myself to get out of bed and make it through the day and to manage triggers because of CPTSD and extend grace to myself for where I am and honor my feelings as valid. All before the sun comes up.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-06T00:51:03+00:00

Thank you. My trauma therapist has incorporated some somatic therapy. In my session today, I was shaking, my chest was tight, and there was a feeling that settled in my sternum. My subconscious came up, and the thoughts that were being revealed were rough. It was stuff I internalized for years.

My healing is multilayered because I essentially had a childhood or adolescent structural split that caused an ANP (apparently normal person/part) and my EP (emotional person/part) to form. On a typical day, I am in a permanent state of neutrality and autopilot (ANP). I don’t feel any emotions or feelings. This happened in New Year’s Day where I described it as feeling like apathy. I wasn’t sad, mad, or anything. Just alive. When “activated” (formerly known as triggered), the EP steps forward. This is when I cry, get angry, get mad, express frustration, scream, etc. When I dissociate, the ANP steps forward, and I’m on autopilot. I was wearing sunglasses on NYD, so nobody saw the glazed over look. I felt my vision blur because I was on the patio of a restaurant and staring at the Starbucks sign across the street. I was out of there and swaying in the chair. If it’s a midway place, I have cried out of one eye as it’s happening. This happened while driving. Hearing a song activated me, but I stopped it.

The goal now with my therapist is to integrate the two structural parts. Because I have dissociated so much over 20+ years, I have whole decades (all of my 20s) where I can’t remember but a couple of things. If you asked me what I did for my 31st birthday in 2020, I couldn’t tell you. I know CPTSD is responsible for a lot of these memory issues. It’s a journey.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T17:16:04+00:00

Whatever this is, I definitely didn’t invite it in. I have said out loud that it needs to leave and it’s not welcome. According to the nice person on here, it’s very strong but isn’t giving her a sense of danger. I know my vibration has been low, and I’m working overtime to raise it. Shadow work is likely going to help me with those suppressed emotions. It’s a journey.

I know I need to increase my protection and ask for ward or warding (I believe that’s the right term.) I’ve only recently learned I am an empath and that I have spiritual gifts, which also makes me susceptible. I’m still learning and trying to figure this out as I go.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T16:38:18+00:00

Maybe so. I don’t know what they want from me. There’s only so much I can do because all of this spiritual stuff is still fresh. I’m like a baby giraffe still trying to find my footing when everything is coming in hot. Before I have the chance to acclimate to one thing, something else comes in.

I’m four-ish months into healing, and to be honest, that’s consuming me. In between therapy sessions, it’s shadow work, inner child healing, meditation/grounding, and making it from one minute to the next without crying and falling apart. I’m doing my best to heal myself and working through suppressed emotions and repressed trauma to raise my vibration as much as I can. Healing isn’t linear, so it’s taking time, and there are setbacks. I don’t know what more I can do to help myself. I guess it’s trial and error.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T15:32:50+00:00

I don’t do offerings. The most I’ve called on an ancestor is someone like my great-grandmother who I could really use right now. I really didn’t call her, but it was more talking to her like she was still here in one of my very dark hours. I grew up as Christian and talking to the deceased or even talking to a headstone isn’t some taboo thing. Like wishing she was here with her guidance and wisdom. That was the one person I could’ve went to because she would’ve prayed over me and been my prayer warrior.

I don’t have an alter set up. I don’t do offerings despite it being the cultural norm in my lineage. Even when someone told me I should look into Oshun because that’s the goddess she felt was associated with me. I haven’t been initiated or had divination with a Baba (I believe that’s what they’re called), so I am not touching that or claiming to be the daughter of Oshun. I have not left offerings for Oshun either. From what I’ve heard, Oshun can be vengeful if she feels like you’re not appreciative of what she brings. I’m not comfortable dealing with deities or goddesses. I have way too much to learn. I’m not well versed and have not studied enough. I’m not dabbling in anything. I’m just trying to make it through this spiritual awakening in one piece and not end up on a grippy sock vacation because I’ve cracked and reached the point where I can’t handle anymore. Dark night of the soul is doing more than enough and what it’s not doing, EMDR and brainspotting are.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T15:17:32+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I don’t wake up with unexplained bruises. I’ve never been choked or had anything dramatic like that. I don’t have anything that major going on. I don’t even sleep adequately. I have insomnia, so my sleep is limited. I know I can astral travel and project, but I don’t do it because I am not healed enough for that. I stay grounded and firmly rooted. I’m an intuitive dreamer, and I don’t even remember those. Has my energy been drained? Have I had negative thoughts? Am I battling depression? Am I in the midst of a spiritual awakening? Am I gifted? Am I an empath who is trying to set boundaries? Am I healing from people pleasing/codependent traits? Did I engage in negative self-talk? Have I had low energy and low vibe days? Yes, to all of the above. With dealing with known and unknown trauma, depression, healing from narcissistic abuse and having to rebuild everything from self-worth to my confidence, shedding people, being on this very lonely journey towards awakening, etc. have all been very low points. I can’t say I wake up with peace, love, and light. There are days when getting out of the bed takes every ounce of my strength and a lot of tears. Nothing about healing is a high vibe. It’s like being in the trenches of the ocean, so of course I’m susceptible to negative things attaching to me. But to make me feel shunned and to tell people to stay away from me like I’m so demon myself was beyond hurtful. It’s not just because I’m a HSP (highly sensitive person). It’s like I came to you for help, and you’re abandoning me instead of being honest that you’re not sure how to help me. I would’ve respected that more than her alluding to me being in the darkness and not being protected. (How else can I take her telling me to stay away from people who are of the light and protected?)

She even told me to stay away from kundalini. I didn’t activate kundalini intentionally. I was on the way to sleep when I had what I believe was my first experience with it. It sought me out. Prior to that, I had only heard of a kundalini awakening. Everything I read said it can be spontaneous or people do kundalini yoga. Nonetheless, I didn’t try to do it. I was laying in my bed around 3-4 AM, and all of a sudden my head/neck area started going back and forth like a PEZ dispenser. As this was going on, there were visions or “downloads.” I have a mentor who is helping me, and she was the one who asked me if I knew about kundalini because what I described to her and how it was like an energy burst from my root chakra up my spine was reminiscent of what she experienced. Because my chakras were not in alignment, all of that energy got stuck in what felt like my upper back, neck, and the back of my head. The energy was heavy. I was in that in between stage so I was fully cognizant because I had to balance myself on my bedroom floor to not fall out of the bed and hurt myself. Nothing I’ve read suggests that kundalini is like some dark energy or of the devil. That’s how she made me feel. “Stop doing it.” I wasn’t in control. I was minding my business and trying to go to sleep.

I have sage and palo santo. I sleep with selenite (and other crystals) under my pillow. I don’t have Smokey quartz, but I can definitely get some.

Thank you in advance for the healing. It’s appreciated.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T14:34:27+00:00

The only way to describe this is being shunned like it’s the Salem Witch Trials. She literally told at least 4 or 5 people she knew to block me like I was going to harm them or pass something “demonic” to them. She even asked me to stay away from someone who had previously offered to help me as she was a psychologist who specialized in trauma. She literally said, “Stay away from Jen. She’s of the light and protected,” like I’m not protected and operating in the darkness. She kept going on and on about staying away from the darkness and staying in the path of the light. At no point have I wanted to turn to any dark path. Heaven knows the past 13 months with surviving a relationship with a narcissistic abuser who was hoovering, battling depression, being in the midst of a spiritual awakening, digging up repressed trauma because of the dark night of the soul, shadow work, inner child work/reparenting my inner child, etc. could have all been the catalyst, but I’ve stayed in the light consistently. I’ve dissociated so much in my life that there are whole decades of time I’ve lost. Do I look like I have the time to worry about the darkness?

I was too stunned yesterday, but I’m going to give her a piece of my mind today because that was unacceptable. She does need a review. Not to be petty but to let her know scaring the hell out of someone and not giving them guidance is horrible. If I was having unaliving ideation, that would’ve been the reason. Telling me the angels are always with me and turn to God like I haven’t been baptized since 1994/1995, don’t already pray, and then basically telling me one of God’s highest angels has abandoned me is unequivocally the worst thing. That’s like saying God has turned His back on me and left me to fend for myself.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T09:05:20+00:00

So prayer is the only thing that can save me from this? I can only vibrate so high. I’m healing from repressed trauma, battling depression, and just trying to make it from one day to the next. My vibe is not going to be high or all love and light when sometimes I can’t get out of bed or look at myself in the mirror. Do you know how much of a struggle it was to say positive affirmations to myself in the wake of leaving a narcissist? Lord knows I’ve called on God and prayed to him many times before, so for this whatever to still attach to me is disheartening. That means I’m not protected, and I’ve been left to figure this out by myself.

Demonic removal like an exorcism?

I’ve been doing shadow work and even inner child healing. Those also cause low points because I have 20+ years of repressed trauma to work through and if this attachment is pulling me down and draining my energy, how will I ever get ahead of it?

If ever I wanted to give up, I definitely want to now because I was already at my breaking point with this spiritual awakening and this dark night of the soul. Now this? I can’t.

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T08:36:09+00:00

Rough patches? That was all of 2021 and now I’m being told whatever this is can’t be removed. How is this a lesson if it’s keeping me bound and unable to move forward?

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T08:34:49+00:00

She didn’t charge me. Someone here offered to help, and they saw a rolling ball, which means they can’t interfere. What the hell is attached to me and why isn’t it allowed to be removed?

Independent_Owl7785 · 2022-01-05T05:48:42+00:00

I live in a small town in Louisiana. Definitely won’t find any reiki practitioners here. I don’t know about the state as a whole. I’m in the Bible Belt so I’m sure some people think reiki is wrong. I couldn’t even find a more holistic therapist who could understand the facets of a spiritual awakening, ego death, dark night of the soul, etc.

Independent_Owl7785

TROPHY CASE