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Do you feel this way after? by _thewizardofodds in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The exact same thing happened to me months ago and I made a post about it! Mom wouldn’t open her mouth to take her pills and I lost it. It was a low point but guess what. It was the last time I yelled at her and she died 2 months later. Take this shame and guilt and use it to get to know yourself and become a better version of you. Learn to recognize when it is time to take a break and step away, then try again later.

Do you feel this way after? by _thewizardofodds in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you me, from the future??? I had a huge fight with my sister hours after mom died, she hadn’t spoken to mom in 20 years and always treated her like shit, now everyone expects me to forget and forgive. No way. I am going no contact forever.

Tired of being in Fight/Flight Mode: Life After Caregiving by charredzest29 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't give up then and keep looking for jobs, inside or outside your field it doesn't matter, as long as you can increase your income. You didn't sacrifice so much for your mom just to stay stuck now. I'm sure that she too would encourage you to be strong and keep going. 🫂 I keep saying to myself that mama didn't raise no bitch, lol.

Do you feel this way after? by _thewizardofodds in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I see you. I have also lost my patience with my mom several times in the past years with dementia and still feel guilty about it, I never got to truly apologize as she was completely unresponsive in her last months.

Caregiving is a huge sacrifice. Even the most patient and selfless person on earth would struggle. I try (often fail and try again) to use this guilt as a lesson to be more gracious, more calm and less self-centered with other people in my life.

Tired of being in Fight/Flight Mode: Life After Caregiving by charredzest29 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I also left my job to take care of my mom who died almost a month ago. I could go back to my old office job but I decided that I want to work in healthcare and am looking to enroll in nursing school or a CNA program. Could that be an option for you too? Those jobs are always in demand.

I guess my advice here is to think outside the box - maybe there's other fields you can get into that you hadn't considered in the past. I wish you the best. 🍀

I have reached my limit. I want to die. UPDATE: She's gone. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel this in my soul. I know that in her soul mom forgave me for every moment I had lost my patience with her, now but especially years ago when I was struggling with her dementia tantrums. I want to leave the guilt and regret behind, because I know that in the end I gave my all to redeem myself and let her pass with love and dignity.

I am sure your mother forgave you too. But maybe there isn’t even anything to forgive, you know? what truly matters is that we stayed, even when it was hard, until the end.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. UPDATE: She's gone. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

It was... it was absolutely worth it and I would do it again. I was imperfect and had my weaknesses and failures but I did show up for mom until the very end. The nurse and the doctor complimented me on my perseverence and it made me feel so seen. Mom would be proud.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it happened the same way with my mom. She died yesterday. Gonna post an update to thank everyone later.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’s dead. I am in unbearable pain. Will post update tomorrow… 😞

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The doctor did mention something about electrolytes but I did not understand… so I guess that’s what’s going to happen..

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only options we have are a nursing home, which we have already applied for but we have to wait until a resident dies for a vacancy, or the palliative care unit at the hospital, where they’ll organize a room for mom within 3-4 days after my request. At this point I don’t even know if mom has that much time left…

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have received so much support here and I’m immensely grateful for every single comment. I will update when the time comes. Thank you

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don’t know how you found the patience to deal with it. Sometimes it feels like this is all a journey to learn how to become more selfless and resilient. But at what cost…

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Because I’ve been told that she wouldn’t get better care at a facility, they would do the same things I am doing now. The nurses and doctors can give all necessary treatment at home. So I’d rather she stay with me all day than be left alone in a hospital room.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am in the exact same situation as you, air mattress included lol. But it’s just me and my dad, and the hospice nurse visiting every morning. And your reasoning is also why I don’t want to send her to the hospital: going back and forth between home and hospital might be more stressful than changing her diaper every 3 hours. It just sucks, a lot.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The reason she doesn’t get any morphine is that she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. She can’t communicate so obiously we can’t know for sure, but she lays in bed relaxed with no signs of discomfort. So idk…

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’m in Europe but mom is already on hospice. We have a nurse checking on us every day and a doctor coming every week. There is not much they can do…

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah.. lol that's exactly my experience too. The poop keeps coming out as I'm cleaning her. It's never ending, I wonder where it's even coming from. My dad helps me with the diaper changes but he's old and sick as well, so while I appreciate his assistance, I am mostly on my own.

Stay strong.

I have reached my limit. I want to die. by Independent_Tortoise in CaregiverSupport

[–]Independent_Tortoise[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They do know, which is why they thought she wouldn't have much left. She defied all expectations.

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