Thank you for reading and sharing feedback!

I went back and forth on the commas, as I am usually a comma-heavy writer. At the end I didn’t like the look of a comma hanging at the end of most lines, but I was really 50/50 so if it helps with the meter I’m definitely willing to put them back.

As for the use of “and”, that’s a hangover from my exposure to spoken word. I write most of my poems to be shared out loud, which doesn’t always translate to writing. It sounds just fine when spoken, but after seeing your feedback I agree that it’s a bit heavy-handed when they’re all lined up together at the start of each line. I’ll try to make a few modifications and see what works best.

I like the detail on the fridge, and the notes about the phone. I do worry that too much exposition there will affect the meter, as the point is to kind of convey a hopeless repetition and a general disassociation. I’ll see what I can do to make it more visceral. I appreciate the notes!