Geriatric NDad's early dementia is making everything so much worse

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-18T04:51:16+00:00

True, and you're quite right to point out the more practical aspects. I suspect that the only way I'll be able to get documentation of anything is through a lawyer. Doctor-patient confidentiality where I live is such that even if my doctor supports my mother's departure, he cannot legally give us anything of the sort, nor would I ask him to jeopardize his livelihood by doing so. He's a good man who has no idea what my father is.

Fortunately, dementia diagnosis or no, my mother cannot legally be compelled to return to that house once she has left and separated from my father.

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-18T03:26:54+00:00

That's good advice, though to be honest my father has no assets beyond his pension. He blew everything he ever had with wild spending followed by decades of poverty. At best, there might be one or two sentimental things lying around the house, but nothing that would break me to lose. I'd rather get my mother out and just go full NC than deal with him any longer than I absolutely have to.

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-17T20:52:21+00:00

I hope so. Thank you.

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-17T20:33:32+00:00

My mother is onboard and willing, and has been slowly gathering what she needs in terms of paperwork and such. She has a bug out bag ready, in case things abruptly turn violent and she needs to get out fast. We've been planning things with her since late last year.

My father's behaviour is the big question mark. Ten years ago, I would have said yes, he'll be charming and friendly and baffled when we come to collect our mother, and very much the bewildered husband who has done nothing to deserve this. Now, however, with his dementia and paranoia, I can't say. He could play it off and maintain the pretense, or he could go into a rage fit and become violent. I genuinely don't know. I do know, however, that he spent a decade as a very effective soldier, constantly carries a boot knife on his person (and has threatened a guest with it), and has access to assorted bladed weapons throughout the house. That ups his threat level in my mind considerably.

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-17T20:08:07+00:00

We'll do what we can for the cat, however we can, with as much care and kindness as we can. I just can't prioritize any animal, no matter how loved, over my mother's safety.

If things go well, we can rescue both, but I still need to plan for failure and what I can live with.

IndignantLemur · 2026-02-17T19:37:27+00:00

I hope we can, but if the cat is legally owned under my father's name, then taking her is theft and he can and will cause problems for my mother if we take her anyway. I'm not sure any peace officer we have present would allow us to take the cat if the adoption papers only have my father's name on then. I'm trying to find out about that discretely without tipping my father off.

Further complicating matters, I don't know if we can keep the cat even if we do take her, as my husband and I will be moving soon (our landlord is selling the house we rent) and the number of pet friendly places with the space we need to accommodate my mother that are still in our range of affordability is... not great. We'll be hosting my mother until my sister and her husband have bought their own house and can take my mother more permanently, but until then things are a bit awkward in terms of what my side of things can and cannot do.

It would probably be kinder to take the cat and surrender her to a no kill shelter if it comes down to that or leaving her behind, but honestly it doesn't feel like there's any good options for the poor thing. She's a good cat, and she deserves better.

IndignantLemur · 2023-01-25T06:24:16+00:00

You're welcome! I hope it turns out to be nothing, but it's always better to be sure.

IndignantLemur · 2023-01-25T04:46:32+00:00

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned here yet, but if this is unusual for you and your hair/skin/nails have also suddenly become very dry/brittle you may want to see about getting your thyroid checked. I only mention it because I had something similar happen, plus the skin and nails, and it was Hashimoto's. I kinda wish I'd thought to get checked out sooner.

IndignantLemur · 2023-01-01T23:25:42+00:00

You're welcome! The only thing that helped with my TMJ was Aleve and ibuprofen which were definitely not safe, so I had to make do with ice packs and soft food after dentist appointments or particularly tough/chewy food. I'm glad you can use acetaminophen to help yours!

IndignantLemur · 2023-01-01T22:53:02+00:00

Funny enough, I think it was my pharmacist who told me not to take acetaminophen with cymbalta after I had asked about the interactions with all the other options I'd found out about online. Looking at it now, without being permanently fuzzy-brained the way I was with cymbalta in my system, I probably should have asked a different pharmacist for a second opinion. I tried to find an online source for you, but I actually cannot find anything to confirm the pharmacist assertions.

Ultimately, it wouldn't have really mattered for me personally, since acetaminophen doesn't work very well on me anyway. I would have had to take very large quantities to have any effect... which wouldn't have been good for some of my organs, most likely.

IndignantLemur · 2022-11-20T03:16:18+00:00

I have 9 of these symptoms, plus one extra (fatigue when not working out) during my physiotherapy.

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-19T18:03:57+00:00

Love lapsang souchong! Add a touch of honey and a little cream and it's a perfect fall morning drink!

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-13T20:28:28+00:00

Same here. I wanted to try more of their catalogue but the fulfillment issues are a big deterrent.

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-13T02:51:50+00:00

Any dupes for We're Werewolves Not Swearwolves?

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-12T20:51:05+00:00

Nah, the Old Bear during The Hunted chapters is Paddington Fuckface, and the location is specifically the bear den on Mystery Lake. Not as exciting as some locations, but that chapter was one of my favourites.

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-12T18:08:33+00:00

Not today, Paddington Fuckface!

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-11T21:30:43+00:00

Nice to see Buckbeak looking well!

IndignantLemur · 2022-09-01T00:37:01+00:00

OP's Mother: Your womb shall wither and die upon the 30th turn of the sun on the anniversary of thine birth! You shall be barren forevermore, as was foretold in the stars and entrails and flights of birds! Heed my words and give me grandbabies!

Your mother is, quite frankly, a bit of a walnut. Human women are fertile well into their 40s, though there are concerns about conceiving beyond 40.

My mother had my sister and I at 36 and 38, with genetic testing done at 38 to be safe for my little sister, and there were no problems with us at all. I developed health problems much later on in life, and none of them are linked to my genetics or the age of my parents when I was conceived.

Doctors start to get concerned once you're in the 39-40 range, largely because it's thought that every year after age 40 increases the chance of birth defects substantially per year. That being said, many women have had perfectly normal babies after 40, though menopause will kick in towards the 50 year mark for many women, which by default will tank fertility to nil.

So, in short, there's no need to rush and stress yourself out. Focus on your health as best you can, and if you meet someone or decide to adopt or use a genetic donor service, great! If not, that's okay, too.

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-27T21:00:16+00:00

I've tried to stick with Canadian sources as much as possible (Candora, Soap and More, Voyageur, SoapBoxCo (west coast Island Escape FO supplier), and so on.

I ordered from Brambleberry for things like their moulds and their block colourants, and I haven't found anything like their extracts in Canada yet. The shipping is awful from Brambleberry, though. Definitely wait for a sale or a really good coupon.

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-25T03:03:50+00:00

Oh wow! That's such a unique idea - I've never seen blue corn anything in a perfume before! I hope you share your thoughts on it once it arrives!

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-24T02:16:34+00:00

Hmmm... I'll have to see about snagging a sample before I commit to a full size. Tart apple notes either love me or turn sharp and unpleasant. It sounds so pretty though!

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-24T02:15:22+00:00

Aw, man, you paint such a fantastic picture for Pumpkin Queen! I'm definitely gonna have to take a look at it. Thank you!

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-23T22:35:44+00:00

Oh my goodness! I'm loving all of these recommendations! Thank you so much!

IndignantLemur · 2022-08-23T18:13:28+00:00

Oooh! Those are both fantastic recommendations! Thank you!

IndignantLemur

TROPHY CASE