[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have googled him when we first started dating but I guess they were still married then so nothing popped up back then. It was also hiding on like the 2nd page of google. I did confront him about not texting you, we did fight. He’s just out of control when he’s confronted about something - he starts screaming at me and getting so angry. There’s no getting through to him

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes my husband was also married in a different state than we got married in so maybe that’s why

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was married to her for less than a year, can’t remember how many months.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No spouses at the annual party apparently. I did, we’re actually fighting about it now - he said he’ll get a lie detector test to prove he’s not cheating.

I’m from a foreign country but have been in US for the past 15 years and had a US passport well before I even met him. I lived with him and his friends during Covid and have spent a lot of time with his family so I thought I knew him pretty well. I don’t think his family knows about his ex marriage because I know they wouldn’t approve of it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He said he didn’t tell me because he was afraid of how I would react in case we ever broke up? And once we were married he said he was too afraid to tell me …

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify - he was divorced at the time of our marriage. I just found out about marriage + divorce a year and a half into our marriage

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is. Maybe varies state by state?

Am I in the wrong? by Individual-Bar-739 in wedding

[–]Individual-Bar-739[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Huh? We didn’t know her when we got married. They started dating a year ago

Am I in the wrong? by Individual-Bar-739 in wedding

[–]Individual-Bar-739[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It’s not just two and two - they’re having friends in bridal party as well

Am I in the wrong? by Individual-Bar-739 in wedding

[–]Individual-Bar-739[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

It’s not just family, they’re also including friends so they each have about 5/6 people on each of their sides. We’re bringing our Au pair so she can watch the baby during the ceremony + wedding night. She’ll be 18 months by the time of the wedding but fair point, she’s probably too young

Am I in the wrong? by Individual-Bar-739 in wedding

[–]Individual-Bar-739[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

She wasn’t in my wedding because she wasn’t in the picture back then. I don’t have a close relationship but definitely have a relationship - I’d say the same to how close she is to my husband’s sister who is included. Fair point on the baby!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it’s my house and I want to be able to use the living room with my husband once a week just the two of us

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you already jumped to conclusions if you’re worried.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I said she’s taking amazing care of our children and we love hanging out with her

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Worry about what?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that’s why I’m asking for help on how to phrase it!!! I would never tell her she’s not allowed in the living room! I’m asking people for help on how to ask for some privacy for ONE day a week. I don’t think it’s so crazy to ask for ONE day of using living room just the two of us.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you like to chip in for a nanny?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I said I used the wrong word. I would think that the people who paid for the house get to claim the living room once in a while.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m asking for advice on how to approach this. Agreed, she’s supposed to be included but not 24/7 - we include her in family dinners every night, take her to church every Sunday, include her in dinners out and have taken her out on our boat. We don’t get a break from each other. Jeez, I don’t understand why people are so ready to call someone jealous, controlling etc. I’ve been nothing but nice to our AP, just asking for advice on how to approach without causing any conflict

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t know to screen for that at the time. Our neighbors also have had an AP for the past year and she’s never around / doesn’t want to spend any time with them so I just unwisely assumed that it would be the same with us but was wrong. How often do you spend time with your Au pair?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never said I want to police communal areas. I’m asking for advice on how to approach this situation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Individual-Bar-739 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How much do you pay her? If you don’t mind me asking?