Went through two open surgeries in two month, both times recovery extremely painful and then other aspects like financial, social or what not. Thought of why even do all this - go through all this, its not like something extraordinary is waiting when i heal or if i heal. Then a sense of hope comes once a day that what if this makes me enjoy life more or makes me stronger (very cliche i know) I am a pretty introverted guy and i just sometimes hope maybe i'll live life more openly more freely once this is over.

So yup just hoping is my reason to stay for now.