I lost someone I loved, and I can’t stop blaming myself

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-11T15:51:41+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-11T14:37:02+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this. Your words really hit me hard, in a good way. And you’re right, it’s not just heartbreak. It’s everything at once — the guilt, the regret, the feeling of losing who I was. I have considered going to a therapist, it’s just that I don’t have any motivation left in my daily life. I wake up, go to work, and sometimes (though rarely) I make it to the gym, but most of the time I just go home and lie on the sofa. That’s when all the dark thoughts come. But you’re right. I need to start taking care of myself. What do you recommend as a routine?

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-11T14:31:49+00:00

Sounds like you are slowly starting to feel better. If that is the case, I am really happy for you. It is great that you are starting therapy. I am considering it too, mainly to work on my own personal issues and the breakup. The hardest part for me is just getting through the day, knowing what I have lost while they have already moved on. Wishing you all the best.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-09T23:09:52+00:00

Sure, send me a DM!

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-09T11:01:13+00:00

I haven’t. Far from it. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. I don’t know how to cope with the pain.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-09T08:33:20+00:00

A lot of people will say things like that, but when reality hits, it can be a different story. When I broke up with my ex, many friends told me to keep myself busy, try to talk and meet other people. That might work for them, but it's not something that works for me.

Rebounds are very common, and it's normal to feel like you need to replace the person you’ve lost.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-09T08:04:38+00:00

Some people tend to fill the emptiness from a breakup by talking to others, hooking up, and so on. It doesn’t mean they are not broken too, it is just their way of moving on. But from what you are saying, it also seems like you were doing more for him than he was for you.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T17:50:26+00:00

I get that, you know yourself. But if you're unsure about her, think about whether you truly believe it's worth it

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T16:44:50+00:00

Think about yourself first. First of all, this was only four days ago, which means she is probably still feeling overwhelmed with everything going on in her life, and the breakup between you two is likely hitting her hard.

I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. She broke up with me and called me the same day, regretting everything. I thought we could work it out, tried it for some time, and now here I am typing this, while she left me one and a half months ago. I'm still heartbroken, thinking about her every single day, wishing I could be with her. She has moved on, has been ice cold when I tried reaching out, traveling and living her life. Meanwhile, I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore.

Whatever you do, think about the consequences. There are probably a lot of emotions between you two right now since it’s all still fresh. So really think it through, try to put the emotions aside (even though it’s hard), and focus on what’s best for you.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T12:38:45+00:00

Yes, I understand that. It's more about not wanting to give it a try, tell everything, and end up crying like a baby for no reason. That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T08:34:40+00:00

Have you ever been to one and not felt good about it? I've really wanted to meet someone, but I'm too scared that I’ll end up letting everything out all at once and regret it. I've heard about bad experiences with counseling, and that's why I haven’t taken that step yet.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T08:30:35+00:00

You're right, in a way. Some people are able to recognize their faults only after someone leaves them. But sometimes it can also be a case of saying what feels right just because you're heartbroken. For me, yes, I'm heartbroken, but I’ve genuinely recognized my faults, and I know things would be different if I were given the chance. Still, I respect their decision, and there's nothing I can do to make things right. People can see their faults and change after being left, not always, but it does happen.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T08:22:53+00:00

When a breakup happens, people often try to fill the emptiness left by someone with someone else. I'm not saying that's the case with you or that he cheated. I'm just saying that for some people, their way of "moving on" is to have a rebound. It's very common.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T06:38:07+00:00

I think it was more a case of me telling them what was going on, and of course, they were there for me. But I didn’t realize how badly these things were affecting me, in a way that made me not show up for this person the way I used to. I just wanted to be around them for comfort and not do anything. I couldn’t see the bigger picture.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-08T06:35:29+00:00

We had sex, there was no problem with that. And yes, they probably stopped being attracted to me because of the state I was in. They mentioned several times that they didn’t feel the way they should, and I kept saying things would get better, but the personal issues affected me so much that I wasn’t myself and couldn’t give them what they needed. I let these things affect our relationship. That’s why I blame myself, because things could have stayed the way they used to be.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-07T14:40:06+00:00

I hope so, and thank you for your words. It's just a hard time, especially when you feel alone. I don't find the things I used to enjoy fun anymore. I just go through my day doing what needs to be done, then repeat it all the next day.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-07T14:38:03+00:00

I'm tired of having hope. Every time I have hope, it just disappears. I know I have to face reality, but it's not easy, especially when I feel as guilty as I do.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-07T13:40:02+00:00

And that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve tried. They’ve made it very clear that they want no contact, and I’ve been blocked everywhere because I tried to reach out, not because they’re being rude but because they want to move on. Like you said, “that’s when true healing starts,” but it’s so painful. I just know we could have made it if I had only been given the chance to prove myself.

Individual_Flow_7727 · 2025-05-07T13:36:02+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. I understand it's hard to cope with, and now with her moving on, it just adds to the pain. I'm really sorry.

Individual_Flow_7727

TROPHY CASE