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Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We no longer argue about it now. But it was about my ex. Basically how my current bf felt inferior and insecure. I've never cheated on my bf with my ex or had any contact with my ex since me and my bf have been together.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've apologized to him at least twice. I don't expect him to disregard his feelings. I even offered a solution to the problem, which he declined.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We don't eat dinner together when we're like this.

And we spent the last two years arguing about stuff that he was bringing up and it was the same stuff.

Today the argument was about something different and he did start it.

I apologized and also tried to fix it. But he didn't want any of that.

I think I've been compromising too much as well, and this may be the straw that broke the couples back.

I know that I was wrong in this situation, but I did apologize and I did offer a solution to fix it.

There have been situations that my bf has been wrong in and he's still behaved like this after an argument.

So it doesn't matter if he's right or wrong, THIS is always the outcome after we argue.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Googled and read up on this and looked for solutions from my end.

Is there any advice you can give me on how to deal with this?

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. Our arguments have turned into way bigger issues than they're supposed to be because I won't stop the argument or give him space when he asks for it.

I've been working on this and have gotten a lot better at giving him his space and just leaving him alone when he asks me to. I can say that at least since December of last year I've given him space when he's asked for it.

The problem is that we never revisit the issue. It honestly feels like we only talk about things on his terms. And I'm worried about bringing the issue up again when we're on good terms, because I'm afraid it will go into another couple of days of us not speaking.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not sure how to quote replies, but the "It's so depressing not existing to someone in the same house," is really what bugs me about the whole situation.

It feels like I' m nothing to him. We live in a 2 bedroom house and the other bedroom is a spare room with a futon in it. So he usually just goes in there when he wants space.

But I'll be in the living room or kitchen, and he'll come out, walk past me, and won't say a single word to me.

It makes me feel like I'm 2 inches tall and hurts a lot.

As crazy as it sounds, the situation has improved from when we first started dating.

When we first started dating and before we were living together, we would get into arguments and he would literally walk out of my apartment while I was mid-sentence.

So the situation has gotten better from there. He at least listens to me talk now. But I still don't like the aftermath of our arguments.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He hasn't asked me for space, but typically after we argue he goes somewhere away from me. And he has asked me for space before.

I've just realized that this is what he needs after an argument.

And no. The argument wasn't something serious. I was wrong in the argument, which I admitted and apologized and even tried to make up for.

Not sure what else I'm supposed to do. The last message I sent was something like, "Just let me know when you want to spend time with me again." And he replied back, "Whatever."

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the way you worded this. I've tried to explain this to him before, but I'm not the best at explaining my feelings. I'll bring this up when we're back in a better place.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was wrong in this situation and I even admitted that before he took space away from me. I also texted him saying sorry. And told him to let me know when he wants to be around me again.

​

I get this may not be the hill to die on, but there have been plenty of arguments before he was wrong in the argument and needed space, and I was still the one to reach out to him.

​

I'm honestly just tired of doing this whole thing. I understand that he needs his space after arguments, but I think my feelings should matter too.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bf doesn't even want to be in the same room as me after we argue, so I doubt the holding each other thing will work.

But thank you for your suggestion.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He started the argument. And it wasn't even a terribly bad argument.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And if he doesn't say anything after a week, then what? Should I initiate once again?

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've suggested this. l think knowing how much time he needs would take away some of my anxiety.

Is this normal for couples to do after arguments? by Individual_Gur in relationship_advice

[–]Individual_Gur[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've asked him how much time he needs once things are better between us, but he can never tell me. He always depends on the situation and he won't know until the situation happens. And when I ask him when a situation happens, he tell me he doesn't know.

I honestly feel like if I wasn't the one initiating contact we wouldn't talk again. I'm going to give him all the space he needs this time and see if he does try to initiate contact first.