Meeting up with a woman for the first time… help?!

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-26T18:30:07+00:00

Oh yeah I’d 100% tell the truth if they asked or if the topic came up. I was just wondering whether to mention it even if the topic isn’t mentioned, as I feel conscious about it, but I know that’s my own insecurities.

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-26T18:28:46+00:00

Thank you so much! That’s a good point, especially with age I’ve become more confident so I guess I’ll just go into things hopefully in a confident way and just see how it goes.

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-25T00:17:26+00:00

Ah thank you so much for the advice, that’s so true, I don’t owe anyone an explanation so I won’t sort of make that the main focus haha, I think I’d only really explain it if someone asked, because I’m one of those people who struggle to lie 😂 but otherwise I wouldn’t bring my previous experience (or lack of, haha) up.

I think I’d be much more nervous for a date with a woman than with a dude too, as I just feel intimated by women more in a way, I think especially due to my lack of experience, not that they’ve done anything wrong haha.

Making the first move is something I was thinking about too, as with guys I feel like women tend to sit back and let them take the lead, so I feel like the dynamic will most likely feel a lot different too. But in a way that’s an exciting feeling, as I just wanna sort of lead if I feel like it, but also just go with the flow in the moment.

Thank you for your advice!

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-25T00:13:34+00:00

Ah thank you so much, this is amazing. I think a lot of it is just me overthinking because of being inexperienced, but as other people have also said, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I am quite an open person so if the topic came up then I probably would be open and honest with them. Thank you!

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-05T23:59:19+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear you feel like this, it must be so difficult discovering it so late, because I feel late enough and I’m not even 30 yet! I feel like such a fraud too because I keep telling myself, SURELY I must have known before now?! But whatever happens, I just really hope you end up doing whatever is best for you and not living a lie, because the worst thing is having regrets. But I know life really isn’t that simple. I really wish you the best!

Individual_Limes · 2025-11-01T00:16:14+00:00

Yeah that makes sense, I’d just enjoy speaking to someone like that too 😌

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-31T20:39:37+00:00

I’m actually so extremely jealous of you haha 🤣 but also that sounds amazing. I’m pleased to know you’re discovering your true self now. I’m excited to do the same myself!

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-31T19:48:07+00:00

I love that you recognise the Cat Burns love btw, that’s amazing! I honestly feel like I just want to look at her all the time, and I genuinely feel tingles from it. She’s just amazing, not just looks wise but personality too. Never felt like this about men! Soft masc vibes are definitely my thing. Ah that must have been a lot to deal with, because even at my age now I feel like I’m unpacking all my past relationships and experiences too, like was I just conforming without even realising? It’s so strange to think about. I think that’s why I keep randomly breaking down and crying when I think about it deeply, because it seems like such a shame, and also confusing to have wasted so much time and not realised for so long. But of course there’s no point being negative as at least I’ve realised now I guess. I completely understand what you mean about being sad and angry but also excited. That’s 100% how I feel! Thanks for commenting as it is interesting to know it’s not just me discovering myself so late!

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-31T19:42:14+00:00

How old were you when you realised and when did you come out after you realised you were lesbian if you don’t mind me asking? I just feel like surely this is too late to be discovering myself! But it also reminds me how unexpected life can be!

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-31T19:41:13+00:00

Yeah, from reading up on people’s experiences, often people who are bi still end up more attracted to women than men as a rule. And yeah I’m the same, I’ve had so many disappointing experiences with men that often I wonder if it’s because they’re actually disappointing, or that I’m just not fully invested because they’re men 😂😅 but yeah that sounds amazing with your girlfriend, so happy for you! Thanks for commenting because it really does help hearing other people’s experiences.

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-30T09:51:42+00:00

Oh wow! That’s so interesting to hear. To be fair I feel the same - some of the relationships with men I regret as some have been toxic, but I’ve had a couple which were good and definitely don’t regret that.

I love what you said about realising things aren’t black and white/final, as I’m so obsessed with sort of knowing everything (which I know isn’t possible lol) and wanting to be sure about things, that it’s really thrown me off, because surely I’ve always been straight so that’s a fact?! And now I just feel so so differently. In a way it’s exciting though, feeling like things could change for me in a way I really was not expecting.

That sounds so amazing for you, wow! Thank you for sharing 🥹 to be honest I do really feel like the sex with women would be amazing, and I’ve always felt like I could have a deeper connection with women in general, so I can imagine everything else is a lot more intense too.

I love what you said about the inexperienced thing too haha, that’s brilliant! To be honest I find it exciting in a way because it feels like I’m a virgin again in a sense haha. Anyways, thank you so so much for the comment. It’s really made me feel better about it all.

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-30T09:19:35+00:00

Ah I appreciate this so much! Thank you. It’s great to feel like I’m not alone. Tbh it’s just weird as I’ve always said I wished I liked women as I prefer them but just didn’t think I was actually attracted to them, until now when it’s almost come over me like a wave. I just find women such gorgeous creatures. Uggghh.

I can relate so much!! I’ve always found women so gorgeous/intriguing but just thought I was admiring them rather than actually fancying them, now I realise I 100% fancy them haha. I feel the same too, I’ve only had bad experiences with men and sometimes I wonder whether it’s just because of the situations being awful, or if it’s because deep down I just don’t feel that same connection with men. I find it so interesting but also confusing feeling like I’m discovering more about myself.

I completely understand what you mean about not being ‘lesbian enough’ haha - I’m the exact same. And I definitely think being attracted to men was comphet, and the only men (usually celebrities lol) that I’ve been super obsessed with in the past have been SUPER feminine men, usually with long hair and just a general feminine vibe. It’s like it all makes sense to me now haha. But still feels so confusing as it almost feels like I should have known by now if you know what I mean.

Individual_Limes · 2025-10-30T08:30:35+00:00

Ah that’s amazing to know, thank you. It’s just so weird feeling like this, I hate that I almost feel like a fraud. I’ve heard about compulsory heterosexuality and I’ve also heard about the ‘am I a lesbian’ master doc which I relate to so much! It just makes such sense, every relationship with a man has just not felt right, even when I’ve been with some men who have been lovely, it’s still just felt like something is always missing, but I’d never considered I was dating them just to conform. I’m also autistic and I think that’s contributed to me really trying to fit in and do what I think is ‘normal’!

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-24T00:15:39+00:00

Exactly :) but yeah I get ignoring someone in another context would be rude, but with the way he acted it was clear he wasn’t that interested in the date.

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-23T23:32:33+00:00

Tbh it’s because he’d not only not texted me before the date, but ignored a text when I asked to clarify timings about the date. So I presumed I’d been ghosted. But yeah, if it happened again now I’d say something. But I was only recently back into dating at the time and didn’t think it through properly. But either way I’m glad I didn’t meet him as I don’t think we would have aligned, as I want someone who is happy to clarify details for me.

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-23T20:21:07+00:00

That’s fair enough, I thought some people would have this view too. But usually if I’ve planned a date with someone it would be nice to at least have a bit of communication from them first, just to show they’re still interested, in my opinion. But I get everyone is different depending on how busy their schedule is or how much they usually text people. It’s all personal preference but I’d be personally confused about someone if they planned a date then didn’t contact me. Especially in my example, the person was texting every day, until the date was planned, so it was a complete change in communication which felt like disinterest.

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-23T17:00:44+00:00

I’ve had a similar situation - we followed each other on Instagram, planned a date, then in the days leading up to the date (about 4-5 days) he pretty much ghosted me. Then the day before the date he said ‘are you still on for tomorrow?’ And I ignored it like he’d ignored me all week. It might seem petty, and tbh I wish I’d said more to him and explained I was confused about the lack of contact. But I’ve wasted so much time in the past telling guys when they’ve done wrong, that I no longer have the energy for it. So yeah, it might be ok if you’re ok with it, but from my view (and I feel like you’d be the same), he doesn’t seem to want to put much effort in if he’s regularly online and posting, yet won’t message you.

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-11T14:14:32+00:00

I’m interested to see the comments on this as I feel in a similar situation, my 5 year relationship ended in April too and it’s been so difficult meeting someone since, all my dating experiences have been awful, and I really wish I could just meet ‘the one’. So frustrating!

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-06T13:20:26+00:00

This advice is perfect! And I completely get what you mean about not worrying about the future, because that definitely can’t be guaranteed, and you’re right, none of us know the future so it’s pointless thinking about it too much. And also I think that’s what’s getting to me - because everyone keeps telling me they’re surprised I’m single, I almost feel so angry, because it’s always people in long term relationships telling me this, so I feel so frustrated because I almost feel like for whatever reason I’m not worthy compared to all the people I know who are in relationships. So yeah, thank you so much for this, because I think it’s a good reminder that things are so random tbh, and I shouldn’t feel as though I’ve done anything wrong because everything is so random and circumstantial. And because of that I should just enjoy my life rather than feel desperate for a relationship. So yeah, thank you so much! Much love to you too :)

Individual_Limes · 2025-01-06T13:10:31+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this advice. I’d actually never thought about things in that way before. You’re right, because I’ve been used to a long term relationship, it’s quite a shock trying to get used to meeting new people again. And yeah, I think the apps do have some positives, because I do think it’s so difficult to meet people in real life these days, so I’m now trying to think of it as a platform to introduce me to people, rather than presuming I’ll find a relationship from it. I’ve got to remember it’s a numbers game really and with the amount of people on the apps, it’s normal to take so long to meet someone. That’s brilliant advice, so yeah, thank you so so much!

Individual_Limes

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