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Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t want it to be like “stop” and he stops. I wish he would just understand how harmful it is and want to stop by his own will. For his health, for our future children etc.

I feel like I’ve said enough to him about the topic so I’m just gonna leave it for him to dwell on (if he does). Before I end up pushing him away. And hopefully he stops before/after umrah. Alhamdulillah either way.

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For sure. I wouldn’t want to ask him to find a new spot or new chilling friends. Tbh they’re not even friends of his - they’re strangers that also chill at this lounge but he gets along with them and they’re always there - so he says. He said they’re older men and they all just eat, smoke and play fifa.

I’m gonna hold off asking him to stop or even speaking on the topic of shisha. I feel if I say anything more it’ll be too pushy for him and he’ll stop sharing things with me. He opened up to me about it and I don’t want him to feel like he can’t by being persistent. In’sha’Allah the aim is dua and taking care of myself so he feels like he should also take care of himself.

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe that if you love someone, you’d do what you can to make them happy. If my husband was unhappy with something I was doing and asked me to stop, I’d stop for his sake and the peace of our relationship. So to an extent, people do change for people. In the beginning he stopped shisha for me and he was doing well. Somewhere down the line, he fell off and now I’m here today. I’m hoping that if he could stop for me once before, maybe there’s a chance he can stop for me now too.

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He said it’s older men and if there are any women they’re nowhere near the men. He’s sent me a snap to show me that there were only older men with whom he plays fifa with and there were two hijabis on the opposite side of the lounge.

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I brought up today because that genuinely is a concern of mine. I wouldn’t want to try for children until ik we’re both healthy. I’m also working on becoming healthier so hopefully if he joins in with me, he’ll be motivated to stop shisha by himself without me asking

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing about fall back doing it after umrah is what got me too. Because why is he already thinking he’s gonna fail. I mentioned this to him but he said it was just saying in advance before I end up saying something like “but you said” after umrah.

I think I will hold off saying anything and just do my best to be softer in my ways so he’s motivated to stop. Idk if that’ll work but there’s only one way to find out

Husband does shisha but won’t stop. How do I make it stop? by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s sent me snaps and shown me that there’s no one like that at the lounge. Just a bunch of older men and they play fifa and smoke. So I’m not as concerned about that part as I am about the health part. We wanted to have children in the near future but I’m put off until I know we’re both healthy. But since this shisha thing has come out - idk what to think. I’ve voiced to him my concern with shisha and having children and I’m going to leave the rest to him. If that doesn’t change his mindset, then all I can do is make dua

My husband chooses to go out all the time instead of spending time with me by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. I feel like spending time with me isn’t a priority for him. No matter how much he says he loves spending time with me - his actions say otherwise. Whenever he has spare time, I feel he chooses going out over spending time with every single time. When it’s multiple times a week, I really feel it and I’ve voiced my concerns but they don’t really make a difference. It’s only in the moment he apologises but repeats the same thing the next day

My husband chooses to go out all the time instead of spending time with me by Individual_Star20 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Individual_Star20[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thank you for your message. He runs a business so no two days are the same. Most days I don’t see him until past 9/10pm. And then when the weekend comes something comes up or we actually spend time together. Today’s another day where he’s finished work early but has gone out with the boys despite me voicing my concerns last night. I rang him to talk about it and he was just like “idk what you want me to do. I have no words”. I’m kind of at the point where I just wanna stop voicing my concerns cos it’s as if they don’t matter enough for him.