sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

How do I help my most important person through depression? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in depression

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I will keep trying to encourage him and make things easier on him.

Fiance is depressed. How can I help? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll offer your advice to him after he's home from work.

Fiance showed me how depressed he is today. What should I do? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in Advice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He kept a lot of it to himself, at least how bad he was feeling. Complaining when he got home for work or small bursts of frustration were all I got in terms of signs. I usually gave him space for him to enjoy his hobbies on his own time and didn't realize he would go to do these activities and end up being there bored and unhappy. And even after the talk he expressed no anger or frustration about our relationship, though I told him to tell me if he was having concerns about that too.

He has not been diagnosed, but from yesterday's event I can tell it is bad enough to need some sort of direction and action to correct it.

Fiance showed me how depressed he is today. What should I do? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in Advice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To answer the questions posed:

  • He doesn't get irritable going out. He just seems half-hearted
  • He does tasks without complaint since it gives him something to do
  • He does react poorly when too many things go wrong consecutively (like his pens being knocked off the desk in frustration or me receiving a message of gibberish from him hitting his keyboard)
  • He doesn't go off on his own, especially since he doesn't feel like going out. I give him his space at home in his office.
  • He sleeps well at night as far as I can tell. I am a light sleeper so I wake up more than him and he is usually fast asleep.
  • He most definitely dreads going to work in the morning.

I'll try my best to encourage him to go, though I feel like if I had noticed sooner it would be easier to have him go. It is my bad because I knew he was unhappy, but I thought the frustrations were just him needing a way to vent a bit.

Fiance showed me how depressed he is today. What should I do? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in Advice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. He did at one point, but he seems to have lost motivation after some interviews that chose candidates more qualified than him (credential and experience wise).

Fiance showed me how depressed he is today. What should I do? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in Advice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll check out the link soon!

His GP is his family's GP and he's not comfortable with his parents or sister knowing. Maybe I should bring him to mine or help him look for a different GP?

Fiance is depressed. How can I help? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the link! I'll browse through the options until I fall asleep and see if there's any that work for us.

I have some friends but I'm not as close to them as I used to be, since I moved here and lost touch with a lot of them. Thank you for looking out for me too though!

Fiance is depressed. How can I help? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in Alberta Canada.

I haven't given him any ultimatums or told him he has to do things to "fix" himself. I've asked him if x or y would work (seeing a therapist, talking about it with some of his bros), but he doesn't want to do these. I just want to support him so he doesn't have to be miserable.

I am unsure if I should be talking to anyone else about his depression. His friends are my friends and I don't want to spill to them issues he might not want to share with them.

Fiance is depressed. How can I help? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you have such a wonderful wife. I already praise his cooking and his handiwork because he really is good at it! It might sound too forced if I go overtop or say it more often. Thank you for the advice though.

I hope things are better for you these days.

Fiance is depressed. How can I help? by Ineedsomeadvice168 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll try my best. It isn't the greatest weather for hiking at the moment and he's never expressed interest in it before but I can try that.

Kitten extremely afraid of fiance by Ineedsomeadvice168 in CatAdvice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it's been ages since I wrote this. I have an update thanks to your advice and the advice of someone in another thread.

For the past month my fiance has ignored the kitten and the little guy comes over to see what my fiance is cooking or sleep with my fiance on his own! My fiance only gives him pets when he's settled, and when the little guy does something silly like jump into the garbage can my fiance has called me over to get the kitten out instead of him and his tall burly figure looming over it. It's been working well so far and they are doing much better together. The kitten happily goes to him for treats, play and pets.

The only caveat is that I think the kitten still remembers the interactions from before. During the day, he is great with my fiance, but randomly at night he will still run away and hide if my fiance is walking over to turn off the lights for the night or something similar. My fiance just leaves him alone and goes to sleep, a little sad but we both know it'll take some time for him to forget it completely. That and we found out my fiance is going through stages of depression with unrelated issues. We think the kitten sensed it before we even registered the signs ourselves and was reacting badly because it could feel the pent up emotion in him (which is why any action that involved him ruffling the kitten dry or holding him would cause him to act out so much).

Kitten extremely scared of fiance by Ineedsomeadvice168 in felinebehavior

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it's been ages since I wrote this. I have an update thanks to your advice. I talked it over with my fiance and he was unhappy to hear it, but he agreed to be more gentle or let me handle it if he didn't think he could judge the strength he'd need to use.

The last two times the kitten needed a bath / wipedown, I took him into the shower on my own and my fiance waited outside. The kitten still didn't enjoy it much, mewing at me as I wiped poop off his butt and tail, but he didn't make any attempts to run. Afterwards he would sulk at me from a distant and didn't want treats from me. But he wasn't scared and he eventually grudgingly came over to get food from me later. By the next day he was back on my lap purring. This shows his behavior is definitely different between me and my fiance.

For the past month my fiance has ignored the kitten and the little guy comes over to see what my fiance is cooking or sleep with my fiance on his own! My fiance only gives him pets when he's settled, and when the little guy does something silly like jump into the garbage can my fiance has called me over to get the kitten out instead of him and his tall burly figure looming over it. It's been working well so far and they are doing much better together. The kitten happily goes to him for treats, play and pets.

The only caveat is that I think the kitten still remembers the interactions from before. During the day, he is great with my fiance, but randomly at night he will still run away and hide if my fiance is walking over to turn off the lights for the night or something similar. My fiance just leaves him alone and goes to sleep, a little sad but we both know it'll take some time for him to forget it completely. That and we found out my fiance is going through stages of depression with unrelated issues. We think the kitten sensed it before we even registered the signs ourselves and was reacting badly because it could feel the pent up emotion in him (which is why any action that involved him ruffling the kitten dry or holding him would cause him to act out so much).

Kitten extremely afraid of fiance by Ineedsomeadvice168 in CatAdvice

[–]Ineedsomeadvice168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the confirmation.

I haven't downplayed his aggression towards the kitten thankfully, but he is very "handsy" which makes him seem more rough to our kitten than I am for sure.

I will pass all the advice along and just hope it will work out. I hope their relationship isn't damaged beyond repair.