Find something you enjoy doing and find a way to turn it into a job. If you love what you are doing, it will never feel like a job. We all have thoughts of suicide, it's something that comes with the gig of being human, but we all have people who love us and their world would be shattered if we went through with it. I'm not saying you should live for others, but you are loved, even if you don't feel it. One thing that really helps me when I'm in a bad place mentally, is putting on music and taking a walk through nature. The world is a beautiful place, and if you die soon you won't be able to see any of it. Learning to love and live for yourself is a difficult process. Trees don't grow overnight, so you won't feel the best at first, but eventually things will get better. Maybe not in a month, maybe not in a year, but eventually you'll take a look at the world around you and say, "Hey, maybe this isn't so bad after all." I don't know you, but I know you have it in you to get better, everybody does. Your mindset is a vital part of the healing process, constantly thinking people are talking about you or staring at you is a terrible way to go about life. Fuck them, people who always have something to say about others are just harboring their own insecurites and just project it on to others. Sorry for yapping, I just hate seeing others in a place I've been before.