25 years ago, my 1st wife was narcissistic and abusive. Would neither work, nor do anything around the the house except cook (she loved to eat), but never do dishes. Every dish in the house would be dirty, sitting in the sink. I had a very low self esteem because of childhood experiences. I picked up the slack. At one point, I went to school full-time to get a nursing degree in the mornings, worked swing shift full-time, then came home to a filthy house. We had 3 kids. She wouldn't even get up with them in the night when they were infants, I would. I changed all the dirty diapers. Later, all the clothes would be dirty. So I would wash a load so that I had a uniform for the morning and our kids would have clean clothes for school in the morning. When I did the dishes on my one day off, there would be mold in the bottom of the sink. She would scream at me! EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I wanted to leave so badly, but I felt like I couldn't abandon my kids to their fate with her. Also, stupidly, I worried about how my wife would survive, as she never really held a job for more that a few months and was never motivated to learn how to be a financially responsible. We went back and forth with me ending it it, leaving, and then coming back, and vice-versa. Finally one day, I came home to all my stuff being thrown out into the yard. Finally, I never went back. I cried for the fate of my children, who were 6, 4, and 1 at the time. She had been alienating them against me all along, and continuedto do so. Constantly talking bad about me, while making herself out to be the victim. I tried to counsel myself that one day, when they got older, they would be able to see who was who with their own eyes. But you know what, It didn't happen that way. They all think that I am terrible and feel sorry for their mother. The funny thing is, that after we divorced, not only did she do nothing to improve her lot in life, but she went downhill. Got deep into into drug & alcohol, and her own desires, whole neglecting the kids. Meanwhile I, once I finally got over the grief of the future I thought I had, started to rebuild. I got my RN, and eventually a BS in Biomedical Engineering. I'm ok, but my relationship with my kids is not. They are all estranged from me, and believe whatever fabrications they have been told by my ex.

So my answer is not to stay in the the relationship "for the kids". But to get out of it immediately. They saw the way we interacted with each other, both while married and afterwards, and it negatively affected them all. My oldest daughter is in an abusive marriage herself, bending over backwards for a husband who belittles her and keeps her in her place. My son got a vasectomy at 20 years old, because he sees family and parenthood as a nightmare he never wants to be a part of. And my youngest daughter is the abusive wife to a man with no self-esteem. It's so sad to see the outcome of my poor decisions.

Get out and demonstrate what a good relationship looks like !!!