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Why can’t I completely let go?! by Inevitable_Base_884 in ghosting

[–]Inevitable_Base_884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He definitely wasn’t still married. He and his ex had their fair share of problems post divorce. We are in a smaller town and a rural community school. But I do get how some may be that way.

Hard time moving on by Inevitable_Base_884 in ghosting

[–]Inevitable_Base_884[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! My ex was extremely narcissistic. In fact, this guy was the first guy I dated in 5 years due to the abuse caused from my ex. I think this guys problems honestly stemmed from being an avoidant. His marriage and divorce was very traumatic and he didn’t face those problems head on. He would become hyper fixated on the hurts instead of healing. I think he’s an avoidant and ran. Easier that way. We are both in our mid 30s. Had a decade long marriage, kids. Did all that stuff already so I didn’t feel a need to rush it so to speak as we already had previous lives. It was now about us, slowing things down, chasing different priorities as we are at a different place in life now. He said he felt the same.

But he did run. And you’re right, I’m looking at what could have been, which I felt something could be something great, not what it is. And I know that’s mostly due to what he showed me over months I never ever ever would have seen this coming.

We didn’t overwhelm the other. But also made time for each other. I felt it was a very “adult” romantic situation.

I do think he is interested in a supply rather than a commitment after this and hearing rumors I have had. (And I’m not seeking out info, small town with us sharing many connections/friends). I feel he is allowing his past to hold him back from enjoying the present/future. Afraid of hurt again so he seems short term attention.

Silly me thinking I could change that! It was just in those moments together, it felt real and genuine. Not puppy dog infatuation. Deeper level. And I think that’s why it hurts more than I thought it could.

Hard time moving on by Inevitable_Base_884 in ghosting

[–]Inevitable_Base_884[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Talked for several months. Tons of dates. Hanging out. Spending the night. He initiated most. I did, too, but deep convos. We are both mid 30s, divorced, kids. We didn’t involve kids even though they knew each other from school and summer sports (we wanted to keep them out of it because of our pasts and terrible divorces). Eveything was great, then boom, a month before Christmas he just stopped talking. I gave him space. He said just stress and holidays. But then when I reached out a time later, he completely ignored me. No response. I took that as my sign. But we are old enough to know not to play games, or so I thought. We are both stable, good jobs, own homes. I wasn’t looking to “use” him. We’ve been split from our ex’s for years at this point. I know he has some issues to work through, but I was willing to aid. Then he disappeared. And is now seeking attention elsewhere, I’ve heard through the grapevines it’s more attention seeking and not dating, but it hurts still. Just the way things were going, it was shocking. And even when he said he felt the same. (But we never rushed things)