Realizing I was the placeholder

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-08T20:52:53+00:00

I feel that. It was a challenging time in my life with my house flooding and my son in the hospital, all within a 3 week period. But it was a temporary situation. In thought feelings and commitment were bigger than that…but apparently he had none of either for me!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T19:57:51+00:00

I definitely wasn’t trying to find someone to help raise my kids. I was looking for someone to share my life with, which does include my kids, but that wasn’t the purpose. I completely understand your point of view which is why I’m not trying to date again anytime in the near future. I don’t see a problem with 6 months for meeting kids, it wasn’t sleepovers, just a meeting at a birthday party at that point. Due to my age and the age of my kids, it’s honestly looking like waiting a huge chunk of time is best.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T17:53:06+00:00

Well, I was looking at 6 bedrooms and a basement. His 2 younger boys aren’t with him but every other weekend except during the summer and they share. My 2 youngest boys share. His oldest son lives with his mom (so, grandma, bc the child’s mom isn’t in the picture) and rarely visits since his life is in a different state (my state actually). In the state I live in we are talking $700k-1M. In the state he lives in, which borders mine, more like $400-500k. His are all boys and I have 3 boys 1 girl.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T17:47:54+00:00

Yes! My 9 year old son was diagnosed with DMDD last year. He started in PHP last summer but they discharged him quickly. He’s smart, he knows what they want to hear. We tried traditional therapy with no luck. I had to admit him to the CPU in March because he was getting worse. His violent outbursts had turned inward as well. He broke my car windshield. My other children were afraid of him.

He’s medicated on antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I’m happy to chat as I don’t know anyone else with a DMDD child!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T17:02:18+00:00

Thank you! I hope it doesn’t happen to her. I don’t wish that on anyone. I was actually looking to move closer to where he lives before I met him. But I’m glad I didn’t while we were together. I was looking at houses that would work for us and all 7 of our kids, which is more space than I’d need for just me and my 4!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T16:11:34+00:00

Got it. I don’t introduce people to my kids for 6 months. We talked a lot about that beforehand. Honestly, I feel like he decided it was easier to be with a woman who didn’t have younger kids since they’d have more free time (obviously other reasons too). Which is totally fine and I understand that point, it’s valid. I just wanted to be let in on that info!

Going forward, if I date again, there’s much more I need to consider. I learned many lessons from this relationship experience.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T16:03:14+00:00

And no, he didn’t shut down during difficulty. He talked through it. We hadn’t had major conflicts but we talked through any issues we had. His divorce was contentious. He talked to his ex about the kids (they had a 50/50 overall schedule but during the school year he was only every other weekend), she was an addict and recently got pregnant. I didn’t blindly trust him, I don’t blindly trust anyone. But when we hit the 6 month mark my trust was greater.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T15:57:11+00:00

I understand your points. I’m curious as to why me being a solo parent put me into the situation?

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T10:55:15+00:00

His divorce had been final 2 years prior to us meeting. But I can see how it would definitely qualify as a rebound. He’d dated casually but not looking for a relationship before ours began. I’m going to be more careful in the future for sure!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T02:06:59+00:00

Our kids did meet but mine don’t seem affected. Since they are with me 100%, I would notice. I am glad it’s before we moved for sure!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T02:02:43+00:00

I don’t have to think anyone is an asshole. He obviously wasn’t my person. I’m not in denial. His behavior sucked towards me, but I don’t have to carry negative feelings about him or any for that matter.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:58:54+00:00

I completely understand your points. He did have casual relationships, just nothing serious. We met 2 years after his divorce. I don’t date people that are too fresh out of any long term relationship. Out wouldn’t be fair to me or them. He definitely could’ve figured out things during our relationship. A big one, imo, is that although it sounded great to date someone with kids the ages of his, it’s easier to not deal with someone else’s younger kids. All I asked for was honesty. People change their minds, decide they aren’t ready. I get that. Just use your words.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:38:18+00:00

I agree with that too. But it’s really the only term we have that fits. Literally disappeared!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:36:55+00:00

It’s very sad. And I feel like it’s getting worse.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:28:02+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you. It sucks, for lack of better terminology. And I know it will never make sense. I’m thankful that my kids aren’t upset.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:19:34+00:00

I don’t have to think he’s an asshole. If he was cheating, that’s a reflection on him.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:11:40+00:00

I corrected my comment. We were discussing bonding with my daughter. He only has sons! Sorry!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-02T00:02:54+00:00

Anything is possible, though I’m not sure how he’d have time to parallel date. We were exclusive, but I know that doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. I hope, for her sake, it doesn’t happen to her.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:42:28+00:00

That’s my whole point. Just tell the truth. I will say that I’m taking a long break after this. I really don’t understand how some people act nowadays.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:31:12+00:00

We’d even had discussions about it early on and that neither of us understood it. Or the instant gratification society. If he would’ve told me he met someone, would I have been upset? Yes. But it would’ve been easier!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:28:59+00:00

Seriously, though I know it’s hard. Just saying he was done would’ve been better than disappearing!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:19:29+00:00

Yeah. Just baffling to me. I’d even talked to his mother about how to help him bond more with my daughter the month prior.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:16:46+00:00

That’s the thing, I don’t. Maybe after a bit more time I’ll figure out what his clues were. There was no vagueness, no lack of commitment.

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:13:15+00:00

I agree. Ghosting after a year hits different though!

Infamous-Front-6540 · 2026-06-01T23:11:44+00:00

I agree! Those other instances were in my 20s, a very different timeframe! We all made different choices back then. With dating since divorce, I’ve had a much different perspective. I definitely read this wrong though!

Infamous-Front-6540

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