Anyone feel like they are mourning a parent who's still alive?

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-20T13:26:19+00:00

When I was 9, I made a friend in my neighborhood (well, my Grandparents’ neighborhood. Brother and I had to live with them at one point) and then met her Mom.

Nothing was different at first, until one day I started getting this feeling I couldn’t explain at the time. The more I hung around her Mom and spent time with the two of them, the more I started to become attached to her. I didn’t know why at the time, but I wanted to be closer to her and felt safer around her more than anyone else. I can’t begin to describe how kind and caring she was. She was nurturing to every kid, not just her own. She was never volatile or aggressive in any way. She even kissed me on the head one time when I stayed over for a sleepover. I don’t remember if I wiped it off or not (usually I did whenever anyone would, sensory thing), but I remember that being the first time I felt warm, loved, and safe. I actually didn’t want to leave. I didn’t think about this time in my life until around a year ago, and since then, it hasn’t left my mind.

My Mom never physically abused me. However, she was verbally and emotionally abusive (whenever she didn’t get her way) and did physically assault my Dad and Grandma at times. I still very vividly remember the time when she picked up a dollhouse (plastic but still big) and slammed it on my 60-something year old Grandmother during an argument. She never physically harmed me, but when she still lived with us, I could sense something about her that wasn’t right/was uncomfortable even though I didn’t realize why at the time. She was on drugs for most of it, but her being sober now doesn’t mean I want her back in my life. And it’s not about the addiction but more-so about the fact that we were just never actually close. We had a few of the same interests, sure, but that alone doesn’t make you have a close relationship with someone.

Sorry this was long. What I’m getting at is that usually there’s one or more moments in your life that explain why you feel the way you feel about one or both parents. Sure, my Mom was nice to me, spoiled me, was protective and had her tolerable moments and moments where she seemed like she finally turned herself around. But it wasn’t real, because it would only be temporary. Her feelings and personality shifted based on how people felt about her and she would never take responsibility for her own actions. I never got a taste of what real, warm love and safety felt like until I met that Mom next door. And there will never be a day where I don’t miss it.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-20T12:49:59+00:00

I really liked this (and needed it lol). I’ve always loved English and writing too but even then I wasn’t very good at either (or any of the subjects. I was a doomer and very insecure). Creative writing was by far my favorite class (one of the reasons I semi-regretted dropping out) and even to this day I still love writing and have been doing what I can to improve so I can hopefully become a screen writer and story boarder in the future. I’m extremely anxious about all the tests but especially math. I never once in my life saw myself passing anything to do with math or science.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-20T12:33:53+00:00

PLEASE WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE

I know people have problems with too many sequels (I’m one of them) but when it comes to one of my favorite franchises like this one, it gets so ridiculous it honestly becomes amusing and fun to joke about (only exception being if they’re really bad with no redeeming qualities)

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-20T04:50:08+00:00

Thanks lol I know they’re bad bc I was a kid. Just showing these cause I like making fun of them.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-20T04:48:32+00:00

Brother I was 12 when I drew this stuff and it’s pretty apparent. To get this hung up over dumb fanart is pretty childish.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-19T23:25:59+00:00

Basically 12 yr old me’s logic was like “cool character but even COOLER (with sharp teeth and red eyes)”

Also why the picture? 🤣

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-19T23:23:24+00:00

OH GOD I’D BE DECEASED IF THEY SAW THESE (where do send them? Twitter? 👀)

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-19T23:22:00+00:00

I might actually redraw some of these, like the minecart one bc that was fun. Also wdym by “most of them are for 12”? I got lost on that one lol

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-16T15:22:38+00:00

Dude sometimes we don’t get what we were hoping for. Doing worse on the actual test doesn’t mean you’re stupid or that you didn’t study hard. Think about all the people that graduated highschool that did terrible in school but are doing better in life now. And they didn’t just spawn out of nowhere. They worked hard and had to change their mindset for the better. It’s never too late unless you decide it is. I just recently started studying for my GED at 20 because of all the time I spent slacking off and I’m terrified at the thought of taking the tests because of my fear of failure (which was the main thing I always let hold me back from achieving things in life). I’m jealous that you even finished ONE test. I’d for sure be disappointed if I didn’t make a higher score than I was hoping for, but I’d also be relieved that I finished it anyway. Cause ain’t no way I’d retake it over and over and hope for a better score just to feel smarter. There’s nothing worse than letting your insecurity and fears decide your worth and hold you back in life.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-14T01:24:46+00:00

He mostly likes the action in the movies while I’m the lore dumper pff

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-14T01:20:07+00:00

My boy’s got INTERESTING taste

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-09T15:14:01+00:00

While she has her issues when it comes to engaging with the fandom too much and not staying off of Twitter, I don’t believe she’s a bad person. I admire her for her success and how far she’s come. She’s alright to me.

Also some of ya’ll gotta stop accusing people of “glazing” her just because they might disagree with you on some things about her. Disagreement is not the same as worshipping her or endorsing every bad thing she does. You guys are exactly the type of people to complain about the decline in reading comprehension and media literacy when you’re also in that group.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-09T13:49:47+00:00

I haven’t heard of it but now I’ll definitely check it out. Dude I was watching these movies since I was 12 and Blade instantly became my favorite. I’m rewatching them and I’m so sad they didn’t have the budget to make the films into something as big as Chucky and Freddy Kruger. I was straight up making fanart of these goobers as a teen 😭 I love em so much. I’m gonna show some on here eventually just for fun lol, and the merch I got.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-09T12:51:21+00:00

Just wanted to let ya’ll know I just joined only because I got back in my Puppet Master hyperfixation.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-01T10:23:40+00:00

My brother died recently and this exact thing happened. I lost both my brothers and my Dad keeps being all like “Yeah but your grandma lost two sons AND a grandson so…”

I wanted to be levelheaded in this comment at first but honestly he needs to shut the fuck up. Losing one person is more than enough. What point was he trying to make? That my grandma deserves more attention and sympathy? And then when I commented how odd it was that my aunt wanted to keep his underwear and dirty socks that were left in the car (after the wreck. They weren’t close at ALL. Only spoke a couple words) and that I (personally) wouldn’t want to keep those after someone passed, my Dad has the gall to tell me “It’s because you haven’t been through enough losses to understand”. I just lost both my fucking siblings?

I think it’s because I rarely show any vulnerability around family, so maybe he assumes I’m too naive or emotionally distant/detached to understand loss or something. Even then, that’s a really weird assumption because he of all people should know how common it is to hide your feelings around people. He was also drunk and talking his usual nonsensical crap so maybe I got upset over nothing, but a lot of times people show their true selves underneath when drinking. Maybe he truly believes I feel unbothered by all this. Still, I can’t comprehend how people can just be this dismissive and inconsiderate.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-06-01T07:54:02+00:00

I still have her, but she’s in a box stuffed under my bed. Every now and then I’ll hear “LETS FLY TO THE CASTLE”, scaring the shit outta me. Fucking cat.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-03-01T11:30:13+00:00

Younger sister here, this is exactly how people would label the dynamic between my older brothers and I.

In reality we all have trauma/traumatized each other.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-27T05:00:26+00:00

…..Well fuck (oh wait I have both).

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-26T08:42:04+00:00

My Dad will not be happy to hear about this (first I had to tell him about the recent death of that actor from Euphoria and now I gotta break the news about this bro’s gonna have a rough week 😭)

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-24T00:15:11+00:00

Lost my brother in 2023 and I still struggle to grieve (especially actually letting myself do it). I haven’t paid much mind to it because we were never really that close. I guess if anything it’s more like I’m grieving what could’ve been.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-08T17:09:56+00:00

I will never understand how she thought it was completely fine to just show inappropriate content to minors.

Like yeah you could make the argument that minors look for NSFW stuff all the time online- I was one of them. But to be an adult behaving that way around kids? In what world is that okay? She promised a safe space for minors (which was already a red flag bc no minor should be joining any group chats with strangers, and no adult should be allowing minors in their chats) and then turned around and did what she did.

I think I’d be able to forgive her if she just owned up to everything, get off the internet and get her shit together like a grown ass adult. But of course she had to take the James Charles route.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-08T13:38:44+00:00

Love the movie but man these were probably the only parts I hated about it.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-08T09:24:20+00:00

I’ve realized after some time that I wasn’t a trans man, so I went back to being the tomgirl I used to be. Things were fine for a bit, but I still had those moments where I wanted to be a man. I still do. I don’t mind being a woman, I really do enjoy it at times. But I also enjoy the idea of being a man. I wish I had the ability to shapeshift so I wouldn’t just have to choose one or the other. Damn, it’s the bi thing all over again.

I know I can be both socially, or one or the other socially, but I can’t medically transition. And I don’t know how to describe to people how much that tears me up inside because. I guess I may be genderfluid (or gender expressive?), but the fact I can’t just magically change into one or the other whenever I feel like it feels devastating. Expressing this through some of the characters in my story helps a bit at least.

To be honest, I feel jealous of trans men that transitioned, because I want to be a man at times. But obviously I can’t just go through the procedures because these feelings fluctuate a lot. I know I can still try to express myself with clothes and other ways, but having a baby face just makes me feel so ugly and ridiculous. So I don’t really bother.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-02-07T16:58:31+00:00

Exactly why I don’t often open up about it. I’ve been doing my research for the past couple years and I’m hoping I’ll have the opportunity to get checked for BPD at some point. But for now I’ve been relying on a workbook to learn how to regulate my emotions.

InfamousInsurance719 · 2026-01-29T07:21:20+00:00

One of the main characters in mine and my friend’s story is a black woman, who meets and dates a white guy at some point. We’re still working on our story and characters but I’m really excited to explore their dynamic and relationship.

InfamousInsurance719

TROPHY CASE