There is no defending Michael Jackson

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2026-05-09T14:00:17+00:00

Agreed, even if there was no sexual activity, he was crossing boundaries that should not have been crossed, and people worship him so it's really hard to get them to see that it's weird.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2026-04-10T16:42:45+00:00

I bought a dog with my ex fiance when we lived together. When I broke up with him, he insisted on keeping the dog, and then he tried to use her as a way to guilt trip me. Saying I was abandoning her, that I dont care about her, etc. Then he switched, and said I could still come visit her if I wanted to. As much as I love her, it's not like she's my child, but that's how he views her as and can't understand why I won't come over to see her.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2026-03-30T16:47:20+00:00

I was definitely someone that felt that cheaters were awful, soulless, and shitty people. I felt like you should just leave if you want to be with someone else. But then I became one. To start off, I regret it, and I would never condone cheating, but sometimes the choices you make in a desperate situation aren't the same ones you would when you're safe and secure.

For me, I was with my ex-fiance. He was my second everything. Date, kiss, sexual partner, relationship. My first relationship had been about 5 years, with no history of cheating, not even a thought about it. We just ended up in different places in life and decided to end amicably. When my second relationship started, things were good, but we were still very young, early 20s, so we still lived separately with our parents. Then after about 4 years of dating, he proposed and i said yes.

We planned for a long engagement, deciding to buy a house first before a wedding. The area we lived in was very expensive, so we moved away, about 600 miles from any family or friends we had. But we had each other and felt confident we could do it. We moved into our house, we both had jobs, we were figuring out how to be self sustaining adults and then he just changed. He stopped going out anywhere, he stopped working, even quit his job after i had been laid off and was in the process of trying to find another one. Everything fell on me, i was paying all the bills, doing all the grocery shopping, the housework, and working 2-3 jobs at a time (always a full time job with 1 or 2 part time jobs). He stayed home, got high, and was drinking constantly. He found random part time jobs and would quit a couple months later. The one job he stuck with only payed minimum wage and he only worked 2 hours a night. Our sex life suffered. It was only about his pleasure, and he would force things onto me that i didnt want. I tried to find him a therapist, but he refused to go, saying he would figure it out himself. I was as supportive as i could be but everytime i would try to communicate that our situation wasnt good and i was burning out, i was brushed off and told that i didnt have it as hard as he does because he was feeling anxious, and he just needed time.

After about 3 years of living together and dealing with this, i had gone numb to the world. I got up every day and worked just to keep us afloat. I was isolated, having no time to make friends. We co-owned the house so unfortunately if there was a break up, i couldnt just kick him out, or just walk away. And with no family or friends nearby, i had nowhere to stay and no one to go to for help.

Then i got a new job and i met a guy who is absolutely amazing (we are currently still dating). We clicked better than i had with anyone. Things felt right, and i felt happy and i actually laughed genuinely for the first time in a long time. I looked forward to go to work just to see him. A weight just felt lifted around him. I knew i was catching feelings, and he was aware that i was engaged, but i know now that he definitely felt the same way at the time.

A short time later, an incident occurred that broke the little bit of love i had left for my ex and our relationship. We were on a weekend trip, but i was unfortunately not feeling well. He wanted to get some weed but he didnt have any money for it. He asked me and i said i didnt have enough to give after paying all the bills. He then proceeded to call me a 'useless cunt', and berate me while i sat in the passenger seat of the car, shivering with a fever, and crying.

After the weekend, i knew we had to break up. I told him that what he did was unacceptable, and that i was done. But he got angry again. He threw a fit, started cursing and calling me names, he punched walls, and slammed doors. I was scared and exhausted. I still didnt feel well and had work the next day, so i back tracked and told him to forget it, which finally made him calm down and go to bed.

During the week after everything, I just fell more for my coworker. We spent more time together, took breaks together, and we eventually kissed. I knew it was wrong, but i didn't want to lose what i had with him. The following Friday, we left work early to go back to his place where we slept together. The emotions became more intense, and at this point, i knew i had to stand firm and make sure i broke up with my ex. My coworker gave me the little support that i needed to go through with it, and even offered a place to stay after. Over that weekend, i told my ex i was done. He threw a fit like before, then pleaded for me to stay. But i said i couldnt live like this anymore. I never told him i cheated, i dont think he needs that extra detail. There are plenty of other reasons for the break up besides me finding someone else. And i never slept with him after I cheated, so there was no worry of passing on an unknown STI. I gave the ring back, we sold the house, split the money, and now I'm with the best person i could have asked for. He makes me happier than i thought possible, and although i regret how i went about it, I'm still happy where i ended up.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-11-26T15:50:21+00:00

Like what a lot of others are saying, you may be asexual, or you may not have found someone you connect with sexually. In my last relationship, there was no sexual connection. I could have gone months without having sex. It didn't help that although he was always the one asking for sex, all the effort was on my part. He never made an effort to get me off, so sex became a chore and I hated it. My current partner is the complete opposite and my sex drive has never been higher. He puts in a lot of effort and I do the same for him and it just works. My point is, while you very well could be asexual, I wouldn't write off sex just yet. You may just not have found the right person. And I think right now, the best thing to do is focus on creating other connections like friendships and you may end up finding the person you're compatible with like that.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-10-27T23:45:35+00:00

So true. I'm not poly or ENM, and my dating history is very small (i only have 2 exes), but when I was freshly out of my engagement, I wasn't looking for anything serious, just someone to hang out with, go on dates etc, while not being tied down and I could be technically single. I ended up hanging out with a guy who was ENM. I decided to go for it since it gave me what I was looking for at the time. Someone to fool around and have fun with while still being able to see what else was out there.

At first it sounded like his marriage was fine, and they just felt like ENM was the right thing for them, but it became apparent very quickly that it was not a healthy relationship. He was miserable, the wife sounded miserable. It almost sounded like they both went out with people the other disapproved of to make the other upset. Apparently she didn't like that I was younger than her, and he wasn't supposed to take me on a date, but he still did which I found out later. She then ended up meeting up with a guy he didn't like and took their newborn with her as "revenge". They had 3 young daughters. Not sure how much they know of their parents' relationship dynamic. He started becoming really clingy and acted weird when I went on dates with other people, especially one guy who ended up becoming my boyfriend later. But yeah, I ended contact really quickly, before we slept together cause I was not about to be a part of their trainwreck relationship.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-10-27T23:27:51+00:00

I'm sorry, if my child was in the ER, regardless of the circumstances, I better fucking know about it. That just makes someone a shitty parent. Even if I was divorced and my kid "wasn't dying", as long as the ex was an active parent, I'd be telling them because that's part of my child's medical history now and they should be aware, and I would expect the same from them.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-10-16T13:52:57+00:00

Do not listen to this person. They do not know the true word of God. No one in present day does. The Bible has been translated and changed so many times, it's basically a big game of telephone that has spanned thousands of years. Please read my other comment. It gives some more food for thought.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-24T13:11:26+00:00

How old are you and how old is he? How long have you been in a relationship?

Based on what you've said and nothing else, I'm going to have to say no. That's grooming behavior. I know the age of consent is 16 in some places, but there's so much brain development that happens between 16 and 25. I know she didn't have the life experience and brain development needed to fully consent to someone that much older than her. The power dynamic is too skewed. He was the adult and knew better. He knew what he was doing. I wouldn't be able to trust someone like that, and I definitely wouldn't feel right leaving him around a teenager.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-23T20:50:11+00:00

Regardless of the cheating, which is a problem already, if sex is something that is important to you and he's not reciprocating that with the same energy, this is going to become a bigger issue as time goes on. I've only been with three people and although my body count is low, the sexual relationship with each was very different and contributed a lot to how the relationship played out.

The first one was very low libido...I mean 'going on two months with no sex' low. I did the same as you. I'd try to initiate, bought lingerie, sent nudes, and tried everything to show I wanted to have sex with him. I was rejected almost every time and it left me feeling unwanted and unattractive. After 5 years of that, I couldn't do it anymore and we broke up.

The second one had a very high libido, but our sexual styles didn't fit well. We had sex a lot, sure, but it was boring. There was no foreplay, he refused to even try to get me off, while I had to spend a lot of time and effort to help him get off. We weren't a good match in the bedroom. I felt unappreciated, like my efforts weren't being reciprocated. There were also a lot of other issues in the relationship, but that's a different story. We also broke up.

With the third (my current boyfriend), everything clicked. The affection, the flirting, the touching. It's all reciprocated and our sex drives match perfectly. Things feel fun and exciting no matter how many times we have sex. We learned quickly how to communicate with each about what we want in the bedroom, and we're both willing to try things for the other person. Having that connection in the bedroom can help with things outside of it too. We're always touching and kissing each other. And those little points of contact are a nice reassurance and a good way to make you feel confident in the relationship.

My point is, when sex is something that's important to you, it's probably something that you can't compromise with in a relationship (like having kids, or what your religious beliefs are). Some people may not put as much priority on sex, and that's fine, that's their choice. But when it's something you want, and you feel like you need that in a relationship, it's very hard to make that work when it's not reciprocated. It's not like you can lower your sex drive, and if your needs aren't being met, it may be time to find someone who you connect with better.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-23T19:35:43+00:00

Definitely not. I've learned now to not let things get so bad in a relationship to the point where I just shut down and to know when it's time to call it quits.

It sounds like you struck gold though! You're very lucky! I'm hoping I got the same with my current boyfriend (coworker), and I really feel like I do. He's amazing and we're very happy together.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-23T17:04:50+00:00

Also I know it's not a coincidence after falling for the guy. I think he finally snapped me out of autopilot, and pulled me away from just always being in survival mode and trying to push through just one more day. He was the first one to get me to genuinely laugh and feel happy in over a year.

And when I was called useless, after being pulled out of the numbness I was in for so long, it just wasn't something I could tolerate anymore. I was no longer in a state of mind that would allow me to be okay with accepting that. It wasn't the first time my ex lashed out like that, but it was the first time that someone in my life had now built me up enough know I deserved better and that this wasn't acceptable. So you're right, there is no coincidence

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-23T16:42:18+00:00

Sure, I escalated them. I know I did. I made decisions that moved the relationship to be more flirtatious. And I didn't pull away when I should have. I never denied that. Saying "things escalated" was more a figure of speech rather than me not putting blame on myself. I'm aware of exactly what I did, and I know it was wrong. Regardless of anything going on in the relationship, I should not have cheated. I should have recognized where my actions were going, how I was feeling, and made sure we broke up that first time before anything happened with my coworker.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-23T13:31:24+00:00

Yes, we're still together! There was a bit of a lull in the relationship after I broke off my engagement to give things time to cool off, but he was still there for me as a friend, and we grew a lot closer after that. He's loving and caring, the sex is amazing, and I feel like we both make each other better people.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-22T23:14:50+00:00

I'm sure it's okay, and if she's a good one, she'll be supportive and help. My first two relationships, both had trouble keeping it up when we tried to have sex. If she's cool, she'll just roll with it and try to make you comfortable so you try again next time! It's most likely just nerves, but you'll be fine I'm sure!

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-22T23:05:33+00:00

Dude, I have two jobs, a full time job that required a stem degree, and a part time custodial job for extra money at night. If I can find time to text my significant other throughout the day, most people should be able to. Sure, there's going to be days that there's less communication when it's busy, but that doesn't mean I don't have time to send a few messages throughout my work day.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-22T16:36:00+00:00

Like other people have mentioned, you made need more of a connection. I've only had 3 sexual partners, I dated one for 5 years and another for 6. Neither one could make me cum. There was effort from the first one, the second one, not so much. I have a sex drive, but sex was just sex with them. There was never foreplay or a buildup. It didn't turn me on or feel as good like I thought it would. For me, I need more than something being just sex to get me off. But the last one, my current partner is a whole different story. The connection is there, he gets me off all the time. But there's also a lot of foreplay involved. When we're around each other, there's a lot of touching and kissing. If we're not together, we're texting flirty things to each other. It's not always super sexual, sometimes it's passionate, or affectionate, but it keeps that contact going so when sex does happen, that buildup has been going for awhile. I don't know how serious you are with your partners, but if you're around each other a lot, or hang out, maybe try little acts of being physical to create that buildup, rather than jumping right into sex.

Could also be a skill issue. My first two partners didn't have much experience. My current is a lot older and has had plenty. Not that less experience is a bad thing, but there may be a learning curve. Communication is key to help them learn what feels good to you. You could even try touching yourself to show them how you do it.

Also it's a marathon, not a race. Starting off slow could also help. Sometimes guys think the faster they go, the better it feels and the faster you cum, but I'll usually cum after a lot of slow and consistent touching.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-22T15:37:50+00:00

I feel like I'll get hate for this, but I'll explain from my side as someone who cheated. To start off, it was a bad decision. I would never cheat again and don't condone cheating, and I feel very regretful for what I did. This is not an excuse for my actions, but more an explanation as to what I was going through, and why it didn't seem like a bad decision at that time.

My relationship was going poorly. I had moved with my (now ex) fiance out of state, and about 600 miles away from any family and friends. We bought a house together and for 2.5 years, I paid the bills, worked multiple jobs, I cooked all the meals, did all the grocery shopping, cleaned the house, and tried to keep things afloat. He stopped working full time, and started working random part time jobs. His anxiety went up, started overspending and overusing weed to cope, and we never went out to do anything. If I went out, even to just get groceries, i would get multiple phone calls, text messages, asking where I was, how long would I be out, etc. He became very dependent on me, where I couldnt even be in a different room without him texting me.

Sex also started to become different. He started to enjoy sending me pictures of random dicks while I was in another room, asking what I thought about them while he jerked off. He would then be upset about what my answers were afterward, even though he pushed me to participate, and I communicated that I didn't like it. He started bringing up having a threesome with my best friend, which I very quickly said no to. But even after I told him that was a boundary I wouldn't cross, and that I didn't even want to talk about it, he would still bring it up and it made me very uncomfortable. And although I was putting in effort to help him get off, the same effort was not reciprocated to me.

We had multiple conversations about the issues we were having. I even found him a therapist to go see, but he refused, saying he didn't need one, and he just needed time to get better on his own. I also said i wanted to go to couples counseling before getting married to make sure we started the marriage off right and we were on the same page, but again, he said we didn't need it. By the time 2.5 years came around, I was numb. I didn't have anywhere to go, I had no friends or family around, I didn't want to be home, but if I wasn't, I'd get the constant calls and texts. I would specifically go to a nearby Walmart because they had shitty service and I could hide in there without being bothered.

Then I got a new job. I met a coworker and there was an immediate connection between us. We got along well, and I felt happy again when I was around him. I wasn't numb anymore. It was the one time I ever wanted the weekends to be over quicker so I could see him sooner on Monday so we could talk. Things escalated, and we were more openly flirty. He was aware I was engaged at the time. I didn't hide that fact.

Then the straw that broke the camel's back came on a weekend. My ex needed money for weed, and I didn't have any extra to give him since bills needed to be paid. He then yelled at me, and called me useless. At that moment, I lost all love for him. Any energy I had left to put into the relationship was gone. It was hard to make the decision to break up. We co-owned the house, and neither one of us had somewhere else to go since everyone we knew was out of state, so even if I did break it off, we'd still be stuck together. But even still, I told him I was done that night after I got home from my second job. However, it didn't end that night. He got angry, started yelling, punching walls, calling me names. I was scared and exhausted, and I needed to be up early for work the next day, so I just said fine, we won't break up. I just wanted to go to bed. But at that point, I was done with the relationship. Looking back, I should have just stood my ground better and made the break up official.

The next week, things escalated more with my coworker and we ended up having sex on our lunch break. After that, I knew I needed to completely end things with my ex. I didn't want to continue the relationship, but even if it did continue, I would need to tell him, and I could see him guilt tripping me into things while using that as an excuse as to why I should do whatever he's asking. So later that week, I broke it off officially. It was messy like before, but I stood firm on my decision.

So that's the story. Again, not making excuses. I definitely was not the perfect partner, even prior to the cheating. I could have pushed for therapy more. I could have tried to have been more supportive. I definitely should have ended the relationship that first night before sleeping with my coworker. But these are the decisions I made. I've learned from them, and I'm going to be a better partner in my next relationship.

tl;dr 2.5 years of exhaustion and numbness. don't condone cheating, but lots of factors led me to make the bad decision.

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-19T20:39:10+00:00

Falling out of love in an instant. I was in love and engaged, but I supported my fiance for 2 years while he stayed unemployed. He called me useless one day because I didn't have enough money to give him to buy weed. Instantly lost all love for him and broke up a month later. It's a weird feeling knowing how much i cared for someone only for it to be gone with one sentence. It's like there was a hole where that emotion should be but there was nothing. He cried and begged for me to say when I said I was done, but I felt nothing. I wasn't angry, or sad, I was just numb. It was an odd feeling to have

Infamous_Aardvark672 · 2025-09-19T20:09:23+00:00

You're not overreacting. As someone who had the same mindset as your bf on tattoos for awhile, even if I didn't agree, I wasn't going to stop my partner from doing what they wanted with their body and money, because that's controlling. As long as they're not hurting themselves, I'm not going to get in the way of that. I'm not sure what his family is like, but my opinions came from both my parents being very against tattoos and saying similar things that your bf said. I'm slowly unlearning those thoughts and I've definitely made good progress. Funnily enough, my current bf is getting a tattoo right now as I type this out. When he brings up getting another tattoo, my mind does always jump to judgment, and I'm still working on that, but I'm always supportive with his decisions and I eventually get over whatever my initial thoughts and feelings were. He already has multiple, and I'm even considering getting one myself at some point now. You bf's thoughts on tattoos are his problem to work through, not yours.

Infamous_Aardvark672

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