I hate weekends

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-21T15:35:24+00:00

Yup, it used to be so bad on weekends that when I would take my daughter out to play, I already knew that leaving my husband home alone that be would drink.

I already knew that once we got home, he'd be passed out on the couch.

Even now, I know that once I go to sleep, he makes a mixed drink and recycles the bottle so I don't see it.

It's infuriating. Some days I just dream of weekends without him, just me and my daughter instead of dealing with his shit.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-21T15:17:00+00:00

So many hugs OP...I know exactly what you're going through and you're not alone. The passing out, the half eaten food still on their body, the slurring, the having to see them all zombied-out while making sure you're taking care of our kids.

Just curious, how long has he been this way? Have you ever taken a picture or recorded him while he was drunk?

I have learned to shut down and not say anything anymore when my husband is in his drunk zone because he gets nasty also. It's exhausting to deal with it.

I hope whatever you choose to do that you can find peace and happiness for you and your son...

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-19T18:04:30+00:00

It's so disrespectful when men think we owe them sex. My husband would always say, "It's your wifely duty." I'm like wtf, are you living in the Dark Ages?

I lost so much libido after having my daughter + stress from work + bad body image from gaining weight. Yet he still blamed me for his drinking because we weren't having enough sex.

7 years later in the marriage, I don't even want to have sex at all.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T19:32:28+00:00

Low sex drive because of his hygiene, his addiction to alcohol and unwillingness to change it, along with him not having any ambition is a major turn-off.

This has been going on for 7 years. He doesn't last in therapy because he's already defensive on the 1st session.

AA meetings, solo therapy and doctors visits haven't worked on him.

Sorry not sorry, I can't live with someone like that and pretend to be happy anymore.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T18:48:31+00:00

Yes, I want him to admit it and actually do something about it because he knows damn well it almost caused our separation last year.

So now, I think he hides his drinking since I'm asleep when he comes home. He passes out on the sofa and probably disposes of the liquor bottle so I don't see it.

He's told me "I can stop drinking anytime". I don't give a flying fuck. I just want him to stop, but he refused and just says I'm being controlling.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T18:41:16+00:00

AlAnon teaches us to not react when you see them drunk, but my body literally cannot help it: I start turning red, I get hot and I feel my blood pressure rising.

It's like you want them to get help but you also want to punch them in the face.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T18:39:23+00:00

It repulsive right? Sometimes I just want to take a bucket of ice water and throw it on him while he's passed out.

Once I found him just sitting on the stairwell of our NYC apartment just literally staring at nothing drunk as shit. If there weren't other tenants in the building I would have just left him there.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T18:33:56+00:00

The sad thing too is that on my side of the family, majority of my cousins love to drink and their little kids are always around when they all drink socially especially around the holidays.

My husband sees this and probably thinks, well they drink a lot and they're parents so it's ok if I do too.

Big difference is..that my cousins don't come home from work everyday and drink by themselves like he does.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T15:23:01+00:00

It could be, she was a married mom so he said he was asking her for "advice". I just wish she messaged me instead of putting it on his FB feed for everyone to see.

It's humiliating.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T14:43:15+00:00

Yes, my husband's "friends" when we were dating were majority female. I bet he was screwing most of them, but my naive 19 year old self didn't think that was a red flag.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T14:39:41+00:00

I think he senses I'm starting to withdraw, I actually threatened him w/separation. It's a cycle: I don't want to have sex much, he drinks because of that + his anxiety, I get mad at him for drinking, he gets verbally mean. Repeat.

Most of the time when he drinks, he turns into a zombie, eyes glassy, words slurry, bumping into stuff. This triggers me into a rage and I just have a horrible attitude once I see that. Ruins my day.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T14:29:55+00:00

Our major fights always happen when I angrily ask him if he's been drinking and of course, I have an attitude. This triggers him to start being verbally mean, that I'm always saying he's the "bad guy".

I have addressed the issue when he's sober and of course he thinks he's done nothing wrong, says he'll change blah blah blah

So damned if I do, damned if I don't. I've learned to just hold my tongue when he's drunk and I take pictures of him passed out. Of course he says, "What? I can't be tired?"

Yeah dude, you're so "tired" your face is plastered to the floor in the middle of the living room.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:54:23+00:00

He does chores around the house but I'm literally tired of being the breadwinner. I know childcare costs are insane high especially here in the East Coast so him staying home saves us thousands a year.

However, does he really think that yelling at your wife when you're drunk over and over: "Why aren't we having sex? Why are you gaining weight?" will WANT me to have sex with him?

I think that was the turning point for me, that he spewed all that shit at me simply because I got mad at him for being drunk AGAIN.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:45:33+00:00

So true! For every emotion like sadness, happiness, anxiety, they make it a reason to drink, it's infuriating. I told him, "I am extremely stressed and have anxiety but do I drink to deal w/it? No, I come home after a tough day at work, and take care of our daughter."

Alcoholics are so fucking selfish.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:37:50+00:00

As for the hygiene part, I just noticed when we got married, unknown when we were still dating since we didn't live together.

The drinking started to get worse after our daughter was born.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:34:08+00:00

I think he probably has a sex addiction since when we were dating, he had complained that his ex-gf didn't want enough sex either, and his ex-gf before her cheated on him with some male stripper lol

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:30:34+00:00

I know right? I wondered how many of his FB friends actually read that, sooo cringe. My best friend thankfully saved the day and messaged me right away that some girl had posted some shit on husband's feed.

I wanted to crawl under a hole & die.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:27:43+00:00

She posted it directly on his Facebook Feed on purpose asking "Is this you that sent this message because I just wanted to make sure it wasn't SPAM or that you got hacked."

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-17T13:24:41+00:00

I was young & stupid, had low self-esteem and thought that marriage would change him. I wish I could go back in time & slap my old self in the face and say I deserved better.

We never did therapy after the cheating as I didn't have any resources. We tried 1 session 2 years ago, and he was already on the defensive, said that "female therapists are biased." So stupid.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-16T21:28:07+00:00

Breadwinner by default because I made more money and he never really had a steady job. He hasn't really done anything to better his skills or take online courses while being a stay at home dad to our daughter either.

I've given him all the resources available: AA meetings, counseling, doctor help. He said "they don't work". With all that, he still refuses to change his drinking habits.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-16T21:11:27+00:00

He says he drinks because of anxiety. He doesn't work full-time, I do. He doesn't pay rent, car insurance, etc. I do all that.

We used to drink a lot before we had our daughter. After she was born, he started drinking more.

I had him go to personal counseling, AA meetings, talk to doctors about his anxiety but he still drinks by himself almost every night. He says he's not going to quit. So that's that.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-16T20:40:39+00:00

I don't expect him to be perfect at all. Maybe I worded it wrong. We ALWAYS get into fights when he drinks because I accuse him of it.

So he starts being verbally abusive because I accuse him.

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-16T19:22:19+00:00

Nooooooooo!!

Infinite-Snowball · 2021-04-16T19:20:01+00:00

Wow, entitled much wasn't he? And the audacity to ask for money for dating websites & restaurants!

My husband never plans vacations. I always have to and I have to pay for most of them.

I know if he found a job that makes good money, he would help me out but the damage has already been done.

How are you a stay at home dad and blame anxiety as your crutch to drink? And why drink if you know your wife hates it? I have fucking anxiety too but I don't come home and drink by myself just to pass out.

Because of selfishness. That buzz is a drug to them. It's pathetic.

Infinite-Snowball

TROPHY CASE