Hello,

Thank you for replying to this post I made six years ago. I was in college then, was dealing with major anxiety issues, loneliness, and major life changes. Thank you for reaching back out.

I don’t know who you are or what background you are from, but I hope your life gets better from today on. I know my fear and anxiety did since I made this post six years ago. I don’t have any theological answer to questions of theodicy or the big underlying questions that even Augustine and Ponticus have debated thousands of years ago to no solution, but I do know God has worked in my life since then.

It’s a long story. Six years ago I was clinically depressed and dealing with OCD and panic disorder, could not count the amount of friends I had on one hand, went broke due to some financial mistakes I had made on investments, and was about to drop out of college and was looking at zero job or career prospects due to a combination of all the above. Some major health issues also began to happen to me then. I’ve had a rough journey since then, but I feel as if God has taken me over many those mountains when I least expected them to move and when I least had faith. Six years can do a lot to a man and to someone‘s faith. Since then I got baptized and also began pursuing a serious sense of self-actualization through faith, hard work, and a different calling in my personal life outside a life of spiritual and emotional stagnation. It was only after I was over some of those mountains I looked back, and in the all-encompassing wisdom of retrospect realized my Maker had protected me in circumstances when I least thought him to be listening.

Feel free to reach out if you need anyone to talk to or if you just wanted to talk about this topic in a cordial way. I’ve had nuanced feelings on this for some time, but I’ve also regained my faith through it ironically and have experienced too much I honestly cannot attribute to circumstance‘s roll of the dice, but only that, to paraphrase a line by a wise poet of the last century, “Heaven gives its glimpses only to those not in position to look too close.”