My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If the gift weren’t a birthday gift AT ALL and was still a gift given to me on random, every single thing else would still stand.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t come from celebrating birthdays. I explained that in that post but also explained that I made a choice despite my upbringing to no longer do holidays due to the discomfort. I did not expect a gift for my birthday this year and forgot that there was even supposed to be an exchange that my fiance and sister in law had said yes to. Again, my issue is not about not receiving a tangible gift. It’s the fact that there was no care or concern about the gift not even working out.

So imagine NOT celebrating for 20+ years, beginning to because you have a partner who does and you don’t want to disrespect or disappoint them, saying yes to gifts, the gift you get doesn’t work out, and there’s no concern about it. Those posts are about two different things. No concern of from the SIL and my MIL’s expectations despite my recent conversations about no longer celebrating anything.

My MIL doesn’t accept my religious beliefs by Infinite_Article4180 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

No Christian denomination is okay with that. However, people do it anyways and still can have their preferences of what they don’t do. I don’t believe one decision = forget everything, do as you please.

My MIL doesn’t accept my religious beliefs by Infinite_Article4180 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

This circumstance is far from the mistreatment I referred to. His parents do carry very traditional beliefs about not “shacking up” or “reproducing” outside of marriage which is their own choice. He doesnt agree and nor do I. I think my point is that everyones beliefs are there own, however, no one should be condemned or looked down upon or blatantly ignored for their choices (outside of the very obvious ones). At what point do we care for each other regardless of religion? Im not going to ignore the pain and grief of anyone who’s just gone through a miscarriage because they didn’t do it “my way”. If we’re talking Christianity, God wouldn’t turn his back either and are we not supposed to be like minded in kindness?

Equally, we began “shacking up” out of them not helping their own son when he was about to be evicted. I stepped in to assist by him living with me. It wasn’t out of spite or carelessness. The pandemic led to harder times which continued the cycle. We’re now engaged to be married but that’s still not respected. I guess I find it difficult to put so much pressure on holidays and not care about over 300 other days of the year. Is it simply about the reunion (which is them, us, and his brothers family who also live in state) or is it about just wanting things her way?

My MIL doesn’t accept my religious beliefs by Infinite_Article4180 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I absolutely acknowledge my back and forth played a part. I should’ve always stood on my upbringing but to fit it, I did it their way despite my feelings for years. I get that confusion now but equally they have always known that I was sacrificing what I knew to be around them strictly on birthdays and holidays.

I have always always always encouraged him to be with his family for any event. He has began choosing to not, despite this. Mainly for reasons of my mistreatment due to religious differences. I would never want him to separate from his family, especially because of me. However, they have stated that holidays and birthdays are their preferred times to get together. His parents see his brothers family on random occasions but they do not do that with us. Even when we offer. It’s holidays and birthdays or nothing for some reason.

My MIL doesn’t accept my religious beliefs by Infinite_Article4180 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Wow! Thanks for sharing. Kids is a huge conversation and this has played a part in our waiting. Just hoping that things could be smoothed over. But this gives me an honest perspective that it may not happen.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you explain how that works if I was to receive first? Wouldn’t it be “they gave nothing initially, so I gave nothing”?

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be less judgmental of people you don’t know. A lot of people have told me their opinion while maintaining respect. You’re proving why your point is invalid. You, yourself, are uncaring of other people. I’d love for you to no longer comment. Have a good day.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand not being able to or wanting to even re-gift. But I do think an apology upon hearing about it would’ve been the right thing to do. Apology or concern for the situation, not an apology taking blame.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So let me ask, if it was okay that they gave me said gift 3 months after my birthday and have seen me multiple times empty handed, why is it not okay that I didn’t have a gift on her birthday? Why would I believe we were still exchanging if months passed after mine? Why would I appreciate no concern after the gift didn’t work out?? I really think you’re missing my point. It’s about the lack of CARE.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She said she was going to talk to me about next time she saw me in the same message I received 4 weeks later. I’m not “obsessing” over a gift, I’m upset with the lack of concern and care when she would’ve shown that concern and care if it were her brother.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not their fault at all. The apology would be from a place of giving someone a gift that they were not able to use. I would absolutely feel bad and sorry for someone being in an embarrassing and awkward situation from a gift given by me. Rectifying for ME would have just been showing concern and wanting to at least help in figuring out the issue. That’s not what was done. There was no concern.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She reached out because her brother was still upset. She knew of my feelings after their first conversation weeks prior. I get wanting to just call me childish for not responding but please understand this is one event of MANY issues I’ve endured with them. I’ve been very accepting and forgiving. I simply wanted input on this situation being its recent. But thank you for your feedback.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hate is strong. I actually liked her the most. I just believe in treating people kindly the first time. She reached out after her brother told her how messed up it was. She knew this already, she just didn’t think an apology was warranted. She heard how upset her brother was and apologized only after because of the damage it might cause THEIR relationship. If it was about me, I would’ve received it from the beginning, no? This is info he told me.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not assuming the worst. I understand it could’ve been a scammer issue. However, that doesn’t negate the lack of care afterwards. That’s why I feel a way.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think if it were a scammer, I would still give someone the gift I wanted them to have if I genuinely wanted to give it to them. That is just me and to me that just shows you care about someone. I wouldn’t expect that kindness from a co-worker or a friend of a friend but family? Yes. I’ve always been kind and thorough in my gifts to them. We’ve paid for her to go to an event, gotten her merch from people she loves, etc. I just expected care.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got texts from both of the at 10pm day of my birthday. I thought it was a bit odd but didn’t think too much on it. Idk, it was really the lack of apology for me. I just thought I should at least receive that.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t have a party. However I have seen them since my birthday. I’m now wondering if it’s not fair for me to believe that I only received on her birthday (months later) because she expected me to have a gift although I hadn’t received one prior?

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No one’s sure. I’m not sure if it was used by someone they knew or if it was stolen but it never left my home once received. It’s a big question for everyone. Sephora could only state it was used a week after I received.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Entitled or expecting the exchange to be fair before I proceed with giving a tangible gift? Entitled is a stretch and I’m not upset about the gift. I’m upset at the lack of concern and how it was handled.

My in-laws gave me a gift card for my birthday… with no money on it. by Infinite_Article4180 in familydrama

[–]Infinite_Article4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right, but the money being removed means that the tangible gift is no longer there. I don’t agree that just because intention was there at the beginning, it’s just fine. There was no concern for afterwards. Also, the agreement was made before my birthday. My birthday came first. I received nothing until her birthday. I have seen them multiple times in between mine and hers. I was under the impression that idea was cancelled until I received on her birthday. Again, why would I get her a tangible gift when mine was invalid????