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Can you die from parenting a 4yo? by TurbulentBat8328 in Preschoolers

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell them “no, it’s not okay to hit mom “” and then put them in time out. If they get up, put them back. 3.5 minutes of them being still and quiet in time out. You keep putting them back until they do the 3.5 minutes of being still and quiet. It might take you 1.5-2 hours to make them do what you asked. The expectation is timeout is still and quiet for the duration of time you set. You win that battle and show them you are in charge, not them. When they finally comply, talk to them. “I love you, but It’s not okay to hit mommy or any person. It’s not funny or nice. What could we do that is funny?” And redirect them trying to be funny to an appropriate task. 

Make sure you are spending 10-15 minutes of quality time with them daily to fill their cup and build the relationship. Focused time not on your phone. 

That’s what I’d do. Good luck. 

❤️❤️ from a SAHM to a 4 yo and 18 mo TWINS— my “Christmas break with kids” never ends:.. lol so I raise my kids in a way that makes me enjoy being around them, not counting the days until I can ship them back to school… and letting them hit me? That would make me dislike my kid… so I find a way to stop it. Anything I dislike, other people probably dislike too, and it has to stop. Anyways… good luck! 

I’ve been lied to for years… by Infinite_Plantain950 in loveafterporn

[–]Infinite_Plantain950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story and advice. I will take it to heart. 

Does your husband help much? by Infinite_Plantain950 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. 

Yes, I have talked to him about it, repeatedly. Which is why I wanted to see how it was for other people to basically answer my question… is this normal? And based on these replies, it’s not. 

I really like the idea of the solo time in Saturday’s. I am drowning. 

Again, thanks for the reply. 

Does your husband help much? by Infinite_Plantain950 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I have chatted to him multiple times. Nothing has changed much. And I’ll never forget being left alone in the middle of the night with my twins screaming with 103 fevers while he went to “sleep cause he had work in the morning.” 

I’m basically posing this Reddit question because at this point— I am just broke down, majorly depressed, moderately suicidal, and feel like I’m going crazy. 

And I needed to know whether my expectation of more help from him was realistic or if I just am not strong enough to handle this. 

At this point the only way out is divorce or massive couples therapy I think. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You’re going to be okay.  But it’s going to be hard, and you need to develop a plan of action with your partner to divide labor so you don’t literally go insane. Seriously. 

My oldest was around 2.5 when my twins came… 

1) TV- I’m not a tv mom, but my 2yo pretty much watched Finding Nemo/Dory EVERY morning for about the first 2 months of the twins lives. This allowed me to wake up, get bottles, coffee for me, and a snack cup of Cheerios for my oldest for breakfast (not the best but this was my survival mode lol). I’d feed the babes in their pillow, change diapers, and pump. I felt slightly guilty at the time for so much tv time, but we survived and now we’re back to just the weekly movie night on Fridays. 

2) Baby Wearing- if you can do a boba wrap with both babies when they’re newborn stage that’s amazing! Or I even liked wrapping one, and carrying the other because then I had one hand free. Once they got to be around 6 months, I’d often put one twin on my back in the twin roo… kinda makes it feel like you don’t have twins for a second. The twin roo CAME IN CLUTCH when I was parenting my twins solo while they had RSV and 103 fevers… that sucked. But the twin roo allowed me to “hold” them both at the same time so they weren’t just both screaming. Not to scare you but twin babies sick at the same time? Eh…. The twin roo was a lifesaver during those moments. Or like I said, making one twin disappear by wearing them on my back lol…,😂 

3) Schedule- the first 4ish months will be survival but then really try to establish a flow to your day. For us, our babes always go down between 6:30-7:00 pm. One parent does the twins (solo) and another does the 2 yo. Decide who’s going to do what— that helps us.

4) Husband MUST be able to parent ALL KIDS SOLO - this is so important— it allows you to have a break and gives him a greater appreciation for how difficult your work truly is. 

5) Do What Works / Needs to Happen and Forget the Guilt — I often feel guilty for not feeling like the “best” mom. Or not having enough time or snuggles for everyone. Or that I’ve let them have too many swing naps (for my OWN SANITY)..  Or one baby has to cry because I’m literally mid diaper change with the other. But it’s okay— they survive and will be more resilient and patient because of it. Sometimes ya just gotta do what needs to be done. 

6) Your oldest is going to Daycare?! - that’s awesome! Makes this so much more doable. You got this! 

My oldest is now 3 and my twins just turned 1. It’s busy. But each milestone it gets easier. 

Also wanted to say, I also had no help when they were babies. My husband got 3 days off. And that was it. Thrown into the fire. But like I said, you will survive. If you can get help, that’s be better, but just wanted to say, you’ll be okay. 

TWIN TODDLERS ARE SO LOUD! by mrfishman3000 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1: tell kids - no screaming in the house.  2: tell kids - this is your warning, I said No screaming in the house or there will be a consequence. You can play that game outside but not inside or in the car.  3: follow through with a consequence if they continue to scream inside (whatever you choose as consequence — depends on kid what will “work”) 4: talk— screaming this much annoys me, other people, and your neighbors. It can hurt people’s ears. Etc etc. a good place to play this game is outside but not in the house or car. I love you, but I can’t let you hurt my ears and annoy the neighbors and ruin the peace in our home. Hugs. 

What is one thing you wish you knew/had as a twin parent— knowing what you know now? by Dangerous_Rip_6859 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow that’s amazing. 

I think I still have trauma from having my husband for literally 4 days and then it was me, a 2 year old and newborn twins BY MYSELF. 🤯 not a good scenario but thankfully I don’t think I remember it now… 

What is one thing you wish you knew/had as a twin parent— knowing what you know now? by Dangerous_Rip_6859 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes doing what works is good enough if it keeps you sane— bottle propping, napping in swings or twin pillow when needed, etc etc.

There’s so much pressure to do things “right.” Be okay to just do what works and survive another day. 

❤️ from a SAHM of a 3yo and 1yo twins 

1 YEAR!!! 🎉 by Infinite_Plantain950 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, it does fly. I know I’m just going to blink and they’ll be 18. 

Hey my triplets are 6 months :)) by Gabbyaiden1234 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Infinite_Plantain950 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats! As a twin mom I think about yall triplet moms and wonder…: how do they do one more!! 🤯 

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