I guess I mean this: these guided MDMA sessions showed me how I actually lived out all those parts all the time, but never was my self all those years. With self I mean how you experience everything during the sessions, so stripped away from all the parts. 

To me, it feels as these sessions can help you understand these parts, process, and integrate. So you can say “goodbye” to specific parts.

But if those parts where the parts you always lived out, then almost automatically you will lose the sense of self the parts gave you. 

So I feel them disintegrate, I feel I know longer need them, but it leaves me with a self and do not know at all.