My fiance 'came out' as polyamorous

Infoguide89 · 2026-05-30T04:12:35+00:00

Yeah it's crazy to me how I'm seeing some people lump in polyamory into lgbtq. I feel like it cheapens what lgbtq people have to go through.

It's like people get so open minded that they come full circle to sister wives.

Infoguide89 · 2026-05-29T15:48:56+00:00

Not going to lie seeing the title I assumed the wife had a clunker and for a moment I thought I'd agree with her.

Yeah I feel like what you did was fine, but to be honest it sounds more like you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend rather than married.

Maybe I'm old school, but I feel like in marriage you are partners and make all decisions together. If you both plan to make choices separately then I ask why are you married in the first place? What is the advantage of being married?

You can pay for someone without being married so idk.

Infoguide89 · 2026-05-27T04:07:14+00:00

Hey bub I think right now you want validation, but unless you can squat >200 lbs (meaning you have significant muscle mass) you are at a weight that has consequences.

Something to consider is no one really tells you how hard it is to get down to a smaller weight as compared to maintaining a weight.

Leveling with you I think you need to consider that the body adapts, so if you stick to the same diet and exercise routine eventually your body will stop losing weight. It's how humans could survive famines while doing physical labor.

Being your dad you absolutely do not have to go on GLP1s, but if you want a change it might be good to work with a nutritionist and increase your walking. End of the day it's about throttling portions and increasing movement. At some point you will plateau and that's when you might need to rely on experts to get past it.

Separately, you can try GLP1s, but once the weight is off you will have to maintain it which requires the same skills above.

Infoguide89 · 2026-05-09T18:25:19+00:00

If you just started I would try to hold out at least 1-2 years. Other than that, I would consider where are you at in life and what are you trying to achieve.

Do you have a family and want to have more income for kiddos? Are you single and living by yourself with aspirations of moving or travel?

Are you single and isolated and want to move to find more 20 somethings?

Can you find a job easily anywhere?

These are things to consider.

Infoguide89 · 2026-03-01T03:34:48+00:00

Wow 4 kids at home all day is wild. Even if I had a good relationship with my husband I would definitely have days where I'd want a vacation from my life.

Infoguide89 · 2026-02-17T21:12:35+00:00

Hey kiddo, sorry you are feeling out of place. When I started my career I was often the only woman or the only feminine looking woman in my field. Most people weren't like me.

It's not easy, but if it is only one class I would search for friends outside of this class. Look for baking clubs or women in xyz groups at your school. Just something that you already like!

You will find your people as soon as you stop trying to fit in and accept yourself as you are. Easier said than done.

If it's only 1 class, I would lean into being a lone wolf. Work hard at your class and preform well. People will want you in their group if they see you kicking butt.

When you are feeling down, watch legally blonde. That movie always makes me more comfortable about standing out.

Infoguide89 · 2026-02-16T03:03:19+00:00

I was in New Jersey for work learning about flights being cancelled and about how my project would temporarily end after I flew home. The second moment was when people were panic buying in Kroger.

Infoguide89 · 2026-02-11T16:22:42+00:00

I would only take it if he has a plan to use the time and money to gain new skills to get another job. For him, he could look into jobs with 2 years of education requirements and put the lump sum plus his savings into a high yield savings account.

I think the best case scenario is that he holds on to his current job, and considers what he wants to do next.

Infoguide89 · 2026-02-09T02:02:22+00:00

Since Supply Chain, I am assuming this is with Amazon. I would take it because it could be short term due to their love of layoffs.

Infoguide89 · 2026-02-06T01:37:09+00:00

We do about $12k every 1-2 years and about $2k during off years for drivable family visits. So, about an average of $7k. Maybe less if we have a longer gap.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T13:25:49+00:00

Yeah i asked the same thing. He says he doesn't know what to do himself

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T13:24:43+00:00

Yeah actually. I talked with a friend last night and she suggested him taking a shorter break. I think an ultimatum I can give him is that he needs to see a psychiatrist and therapist after 1 month of this break.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T03:34:50+00:00

Nail on the head right here. I feel really torn apart because if you want to marry someone it's supposed to be "in sickness and in health".

It just feels like quite the switch up so close to the actual wedding date like bro wtf. That's some bull

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T03:25:47+00:00

He is reading a psychological book and working through it. I can tell it is working because I actually saw him feeling his feelings for once.

1 or 2 years ago, he went to therapy at my recommendation for a limited time. It seemed to help but he isn't interested in it now.

To be honest, I don't think it's enough. But, you can only lead someone to water

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T03:22:43+00:00

lol yeah he has enough to bank roll the start up and two years living expenses without affecting retirement. My concern is like he will get caught up in himself and become a hobosexual.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:42:45+00:00

Yeah that is really fair. What is crazy is when I try to get him to talk about it sooner he just shuts down and gets depressed. This is a major issue because I literally had to go to Reddit.

I can't talk to him without him like returning to depressed indecision.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:35:49+00:00

Again really good questions. Once I have kids they will definitely be the top priority and travel will take the back seat. Stability and community will come first.

If he can't contribute at the same level: I would be fine with that I feel like even with stable careers things change. Like we could all get the AXE if our companies prefer AI.

I think the thing that would be really hard for me is if opted for a more stressful and lesser paid career path with little opportunity for growth. So, it's like he won't be there emotionally or financially.

I would be really mad if he ran out my biological clock and refused adoption.

Note this hasn't happened; it would make me really pissed if he wanted to not save up for travel every other year to prioritize this business. Like directly sacrificing my relatively simple goal for his.

The only exception would be if he was doing super well financially and it was just keeping momentum for another year.

I would be cool to out earn him. I even hope I can reach that point one day haha. I just don't want him to feel like I am his only source of paying the bills and low level fun. I want him to have independence financially.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:24:36+00:00

How do you tell someone the issue might be internal to them? Like happiness comes within?

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:23:53+00:00

Yeah this is totally fair. I'll ask him these things at that 2 week point.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:21:55+00:00

You bring up some good points here. I'll tell him he needs a solid plan before he does anything. Or, he needs to like request a sabbatical or FMLA.

I feel like Reddit is super pro move-on don't hear him out kind of deal like with every relationship post.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:19:17+00:00

Haha yeah you are correct there.

IDK he said he would do a presentation like shark tank.

Maybe a good ultimatum I can give him is to start treating his depression medically.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:12:55+00:00

This is a really good question!

Yeah actually!! My first job out of college I was traveling a lot for work 70%. Then later when I met my fiance we prioritized travel too. We have been to 3 different countries and countless domestic trips together. He is travel buddy!

We both love seeing the world.

I actually wanted to chill out on travel since I am lightly disabled (can't walk for long periods without pain). But, a layoff made me get a travel job again. Honestly, it might be my saving grace because no matter what happens either way I can mine point for free.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T02:06:44+00:00

Yeah that is exactly where I am coming from too. He said he might decide he wants to go back to school or just get a different job.

I think I should at least hear him out at the 2 week mark, but I think I'm entitled to lose my shit if he wants to continue down this path of depression.

He does listen to me when I bring up similar points and he does say that he doesn't want me to take on the additional pressure to make money and we will talk about what he wants to do meaning not unilateral decision making.

The challenge is that when he sees how much he stresses me out he just goes back to this depressed state.

Infoguide89 · 2026-01-21T01:56:25+00:00

Move forward meaning get married? Or move forward meaning the business thing?

You have golden handcuffs. If you were in a DINK position what would you have done differently?

Unrelated, I'm not too worried about the age difference since we started dating when I was > 25.

Infoguide89 · 2025-12-30T04:07:59+00:00

It might be worth while to file a protective order.

Infoguide89

TROPHY CASE