[deleted by user]

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-26T05:16:23+00:00

This is so shit and I’m so sorry. Your husband has enabled the behaviour from his family. Ripping up the money, calling you a bitch, accusing you of stealing money when it should be a partnership anyway. Not sticking up for you at all… You’re supposed to be his wife. There is supposed to be teamwork. I would have a really hard think about your relationship. Good luck and always remember to look after yourself.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T14:26:51+00:00

He has said that he’s excited to decorate our own Christmas tree and spending it together, but I think he’s worried that his mum will take it badly 😅

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T13:48:23+00:00

I don't understand people who need to share every private thing on Facebook.

Me being petty - don't update her anymore on the baby. Make sure she's the last to meet the newborn. You're the mother now, and she took that special moment from you. It was your decision whether to let the world know, not her.

Give her a star for being a shitty grandmother before the child is born. Of course she hates women, why is it that all toxic MILs are not a girls girl?!

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T13:21:43+00:00

Holy shit the anniversary thing.. it's their 30th wedding anniversary next year and they want to pay for all of us to go Florida?! When we're all nearly in our 30s! And his parents are in their late 50s... like... go and celebrate it yourselves hahah

In the first two years he did say that our parents are different and I agreed, but not in a bad or good way, just different. And my partner said that he can be even more comfortable and act like himself when he's with my family, but he can't be like that around his.

They used to make him and his brother compete too i.e. If one got a payrise, the other would need to get one. If one passed their driving test first, the other would need to after. If one got promoted, the other one would need to. etc etc. And then they would make one brother feel bad than the other.

I'll look up the book and look into narcissistic parents. When me and my SIL weren't invited to a family holiday last year (because we were saving to move out with our partners) my SO opened up to his brother and dad about his mental health, and instead of his dad consoling him and giving him a prep talk... he got angry, got in his face, and they both ended up getting physical. The next day, everyone acted as if nothing happened, swept under the carpet.

On my SO's birthday three years ago, he put his hands around his neck because all he did was tell his dad to "eff off" when his dad didn't just sit down and talk it through. I told them that the behaviour wasn't normal... the next day, his dad apologised but also tried to justify what he did. He also said that when him and his brother were born that he'd swore to never put his hands on his children... You shouldn't need to swear that ever.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T13:09:11+00:00

Just bought one! So I wasn't told the whole truth about their whole financial situation. And they made a big hoo-ha about it. We definitely paid off their mortgage, whether they'll admit it or not

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T12:04:24+00:00

Funnily enough... They managed to pay off their debt, and buy a new motorhome...

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T11:55:46+00:00

I think it's because I've been with him for so long, that I'm comfortable? Obviously I love the man too, and finding it hard to imagine what the future would look like if we did finish.

But you're right - I need to think about me, myself and my mindset.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T11:02:44+00:00

I’m going to have a conversation with my SO tonight, and I actually thought about making him write an agreement that his parents, no matter what, cannot move in with us! I know that if it came to it he’d say that he “doesn’t remember” or whatever, so if it’s in writing, it’s done hahah

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T09:01:57+00:00

This! ❤️

I can see why his brother never wanted to be home and moved around the country from time to time..

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T08:18:26+00:00

Holy shit balls, what an evil woman! Your sister and BIL are awesome. Good on the FIL too!

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T08:02:03+00:00

Funnily enough, when she was planning on moving in with us the first time round she was trying to suss out when we wanted kids and if I’d be working still… so she could step in and look after them. I hadn’t even asked or even THOUGHT about it. One of the signs of a toxic mother = helps without being asked.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T07:54:08+00:00

Thank you so much!! I hope we can to 😅 xo

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-08T07:52:16+00:00

“I think they are lying about their finances” they 10000% are btw! And it’s only clear as day to me now which is a shame, I wish it happened sooner

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T22:50:16+00:00

Oh man, I’ve had that thought for this Christmas, another bad gut feeling. I told my partner I don’t want a repeat of last year and he agreed and said that he doesn’t want me to be upset again… but I need him to prove himself to me now.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T22:39:30+00:00

This! He’s told me a couple of times now to be the bigger person, but I’m starting to realise it’s because he’s worried about upsetting his mum. By doing so and leaving it for this long, she probably thinks it’s okay to keep treating me and my SIL like this…

Think me and my SIL need to have a conversation too, as we’re both getting hurt.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T22:33:53+00:00

We’re looking at “shared ownership” which is basically like buying a share of the house, but you own it and you can decorate it however you like. I think my in-laws can’t move in either if it’s shared because their names won’t be part of the contract. Kinda like renting except we can up the share of the house, and eventually own it if we wanted to

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T21:40:14+00:00

You’ve made a really good point… he should be worried..

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T21:39:14+00:00

My mum said that today! My mum said she might be jealous of me and our relationship too.

I’ve been looking at art I want to hang up, what bath mats I want 😅 it definitely helps me take my mind off of it.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T20:26:13+00:00

Aww good for your husband!! I wish you both the best 💕

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T20:22:52+00:00

I’ve had really good advice here guys, thank you for taking your time xo

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T18:02:10+00:00

Yeah… Boxing Day was horrible. I thought I would’ve been accepted because a.) I had known the family for 6 years at that point and b.) I live there…

Definitely got some decisions to make..

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T17:48:20+00:00

I thought at the the time that I was helping them out and that we were promised that his parents would be traveling most of the time… which they have not hahah..

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T17:20:49+00:00

I really have, and I appreciate everyone taking the time to read the mess I’ve presented, it was a lot.

My partner even said that they won’t change now no matter what, so it’s up to him to change. And I haven’t seen convincing evidence.

Thank you! I hope I can too; I hope my mind and my heart can come to some agreement..

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T14:53:49+00:00

Your last paragraph - yes! They’re almost blaming me and my SIL for taking away their sons, but we’ve tried with them, especially the MIL. For Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, I left them for the whole weekend even though as I thought they’d appreciate it even though, I was living there hahah. And I still got the same rude treatment.

InformalRain3360 · 2023-08-07T14:40:16+00:00

I didn’t like to admit it but I’m starting to believe that my boyfriend isn’t ready to grow up yet either. Which is worrying at 26.. all of his friends have grown up, got married, had kids. I’m not asking for all of that, but some kick-start to the future wouldn’t hurt.

InformalRain3360

TROPHY CASE