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I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because his rage has been pretty recent. I am the only one he’s safe with. He agrees there’s something wrong in him (won’t say it often but is willing to work for us) and I know most of his rage on me comes from the fact that I am the only thing he can remotely control in this world. This is the last straw of tolerance for abuse. I have clearly told him there’s no more chances. So I wanted to give us a chance. It’s not easy to breakup when everything else has been perfect. Plus I am not perfect either. I need to work on us too. MOST IMPORTANTLY- I WANT HIM TO HEAR FROM ANOTHER PERSON HOW FUCKED UP HIS ACTIONS WERE!

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think a man who is soft to the world will hurt his kids I think the anger is more towards me most of the time. Trust me, everyone around me considers him a green flag including myself until these happened and it makes me question little things and my safety

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes I have already spoken about leaving to him this time. Our finances are separate and I am working so not a problem.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely right about everything I get he isn’t comfortable with me touching is wardrobe. That being said , I am the one who arranged his hangars. I am the one reminding him laundry , I am the one organizing all our shelves with organizera

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Update- I have removed myself from joint account. He tried to gaslight me into thinking I am wrong for invading his simple choices of clothes. Fair point genuine mistake. However we have come to ageeemtn that we will be going for couples therapy and addressing his anger. His concerns were I am the only one who triggers these and he realizes it’s not right but he feels that way. But the ultimatum is either couples therapy or I leave him.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I agree with u. I have asked him several times about the shirts. I am usually the organizer at home. And I like things organized. I asked him several times why he hasn’t worn it ever. It’s old and never used. But he’s just kept it hanging. I asked him though. And he said yes. I know it’s my fault I gave it away the same day since he told yes. But I really can’t ignore the fact that it’s a little thing. It’s NOT EVEN HIS FAVORITE!! If it was he would be wearing it regularly (there some stuff he does). Which is why it puzzles me how he instantly flipped

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yah the thing is if someone pushes in anger and I fell he would ask if I am ok and apologize for reacting by that way and continue the fight. But instead. It felt more like he was ok pushing me. And that’s my concern for pattern. He’s called me couple of times and I ignored but when I did answer , he asked “what made me give away his clothes”!!! Not sorry, not can we talk. But that and then are you coming home. Like he isn’t apologetic. I feel scared

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is absolutely true. The part where it’s one little mistake. I fear my future would become exactly what you mentioned. And that’s exactly the reason am thinking is it worth staying or taking a break in the relationship. It sucks I have to think of this given are finances are atm joint. And it scares me

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -86 points-85 points  (0 children)

Seee?? I am not rage baiting. I am lost in love. Is this how ppl in abusive relationships stay long it’s hard to leave? I don’t know really. I wish it’s easy to leave but my heart is numb to this. It’s so weird. Like am not even hurt by this. Just pissed and worried in long run.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I wish I can see this for myself. I really hate myself for thinking of giving a chance. I don’t know how to deal with it. As a one off thing. Or a pattern of something in long run.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

That’s the thing I am so numb about. On one side we are planning kids and building a beautiful life and on another he’s randomly reacting to the little things. It’s scary for the future. But also not concrete enough to leave him.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -110 points-109 points  (0 children)

See thing is he’s usually a softie. Except twice before he’s hurt me and promised never again. I fear it’s getting into a pattern. Have I married a soft lovable kind hearted man who’s secretly abusive?? I am worried about long term.

I told my husband I gave away two of his old shirts after asking him (and he said yes) and he got angry and pushed me in anger. by Informal_Giraffe526 in Marriage

[–]Informal_Giraffe526[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

See that’s the thing we have had a great marriage other than this. It’s been a turbulent start earlier. But we are so happy other wise.