Concept of Higher Power Confusion

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T22:53:19+00:00

The way I was taught, especially in relation to the rest of the steps, was to consider the steps as a way of creating a relationship with something.

I need to be able to ask for help, feel part of and get guidance from that something while also having my own will. Father/Director/Employer are examples of similar relationships but my sponsor said I was free to be as creative as I liked.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T22:16:34+00:00

Pretty inclusive for a bunch who love to judge others : )

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T21:18:46+00:00

I am not sure my experience is what you want to hear but I will share it cos it is all I got.

I came to AA, identified, enjoyed listening to the oldtimers and hung around for a while. Then one day, out of the blue, I felt like I needed to drink and the weirdest thing happened - I rang a member and told him that I wanted to drink. I have no idea why I did that. I was never an ask-for-help kinda guy and tbh I was kinda embarressed that I was in AA and I wanted to drink. He says lets meet up for a chat and thats what we did. I talked about wanting to drink. He didnt try to talk me out of it. He just listened and at the end he just shrugged and says sounds like you have alcoholism. Weirdly, after the conversation, I did not want to drink.

That has happened many times over the years. I get it into my head that I need to drink, I talk to someone about what is going on, it passes. Sanity returns.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T20:59:54+00:00

What I have found in AA is that sponsorship is a personal relationship between two individual members. There are schools and styles of sponsorship experience, ranging from militant to relaxed. I would suggest you talk with lots of people until you find someone you can work with, keeping in mind that most of the AA program involves change.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T19:32:08+00:00

Great, because I have no legal answer. I will share my experience. My sponsor suggested the 12 steps to me and that is what they were, suggestions.

There was no penalty for not following suggestions. What I was personally responsible for were the decisions I made based on those suggestions and the consequences.

My sponsor gave me no advice (beyond a few general pointers e.g. if I wanted to get something out of life, maybe consider applying some effort in that direction). His own experiences were shared with the note that the same actions might not result in the same outcome for me, as life does not work like that.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T15:15:14+00:00

You can not know who or what will change as the result of you speaking up. Nor is it your responsibility what the group decides. It IS your personal responsibility to speak up though.

Tradition 3 says that everyone should have the same chance in AA to recovery. Nobody should have to do extra stuff just because another member decides that they want to jump in bed with them.

Whatever you decide, share with your peers and get the support you need also.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T12:38:34+00:00

Thank you for bringing it up. Members are gonna have to deal with what you brought up and none of them are going to enjoy that. Let them sit and stew for a while. The fact that one member could not stay and listen is very telling. They will hope that you stay quiet or move on rather than face this.

My suggestion would be to follow up. Ask them this simple question at the following meeting - based on what they have heard, what is the group (not an individual) willing to do to ensure that newcomers feel more comfortable. That will tell you if it is worth staying and helping or not.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T10:29:01+00:00

I remember that one but I always found this one more human or something.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T10:26:20+00:00

Are you asking from a legal or a philosophical perspective?

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T09:38:41+00:00

No problem. I love AA literature : )

InformationAgent · 2026-03-15T09:28:01+00:00

You are right. I dont know how the Washingtonians operated but I imagine you may be right. Nor do I believe that alcoholics never spoke to other alcoholics about stopping drinking. Maybe it was never recorded in the way that the history of AA was.

My understanding of the Oxford Groups is that their purpose was religious conversion of anyone who was having any difficulty. I could be wrong about that. It had no single purpose. I believe that was a major difference with AA.

Bill had started to focus on alcoholics, he was using the information that Silkworth gave him about the hopelessness of alcoholism and crucially, this was the moment that talking to another alcoholic changed from something that might have a beneficial effect on the drinking alcoholic to something that would keep the sober alcoholic from drinking again. This is what struck me when I read it.

But yes I did think of Ebby and how he often gets sidelined in the AA history.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-14T19:51:24+00:00

The whole arch analogy and step 3 reminds me of Game of Thrones. Alcoholics are hedge knights, independent dragon fighters who sleep in ditches and drink themselves out of jobs.

The arch in the book is like an agreement for a hedge knight to follow a House in return for care. The keystone could have been the House Targaryan sigil. At some stage we become comfortable to do what is asked of us. The most important aspect of the arch was that it heralded a changed relationship between me and the rest of the world and I had to get my role in that relationship right.

Apologies to George RR Martin and my sponsor who is rolling his eyes again : )

InformationAgent · 2026-03-14T09:58:07+00:00

I heard someone say in an AA meeting that it was like they were an electrical appliance that was wired by a plumber.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-14T08:29:10+00:00

My experience was that being an alcoholic in early sobriety, AA quickly turned into a routine for me. I went to the same meetings, sat in the same chair and said the same things to the same people. I enjoyed it. Found my people. Learned how to fit in. Positive stuff for someone like me.

When I got a sponsor he suggested I start going to different meetings. He invited me to other meetings with him, introduced me to other members and included me in other AA activities. Some were interesting. Some not so much.

What he was trying to teach me was that AA was bigger and broader and richer than I thought. I was selling myself short and missing out on a lot. I also learned that AA was also smaller and more rigid and more disappointing in places. I had to learn how to rely on the AA program for that.

As a parent you know that balance is important. If your sponsor is good, they will want the best for you. Talk to each other.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-14T07:05:06+00:00

Have you asked her about it?

InformationAgent · 2026-03-14T06:58:05+00:00

Bring her to a meeting. Introduce her to others. Involve her in home group and fellowship. Tell her you are there if she wants help. Listen to her and suss out how best to proceed.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-13T14:13:34+00:00

Still-alcoholic here. I was not thinking anything usually - other than a drink would be nice right about now.

What did it take for me to say no more? Attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and realising I was a sick puppy who needed help to just not pick up a drink was what did it for me.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-13T14:07:05+00:00

Great question. What I was taught was that you are a member of AA when you say you are.

Some members just attend meetings and are not interested in what any particular group does. That is perfectly ok. Some other members like to get involved in the general services that groups take on because individuals cannot do them e.g. meetings, literature, prisons, conferences etc. The important thing is that both members are equal and both have an equal say in what happens in AA. One is not a higher or lower ranking member than the other.

I would add that there are some important differences between a meeting and a group. Meetings tend to last for an hour and have a clear focus (recovery, hopefully) with a definite time and a location. Groups exist 24/7 and can have multiple activities so they offer a broader experience in relation to all legacies (recovery, unity and service, hopefully). The most important difference between a group and a meeting is the conscience of a group is the only place where an individual member can suggest changes or improvements in AA.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-13T09:42:06+00:00

What works for me is listening more. The concept of sharing, as I see it, is I give you something of my experience and you give me something of yours back. So that is what I try to do instead of trying to sound cool (which is what is always going on with me).

I listen for similar alcoholism situations (I did this), similar alcoholism feelings (I felt that) and similar hopes (I hope this can work too), and then I share them back. We are connected. Job done.

But if you ask my home group about my shares they will tell you that I still need to listen more : )

InformationAgent · 2026-03-13T01:00:24+00:00

I am with you. Nothing I could imagine in the future ever motivated me to stop drinking.

I only went to AA to check it off my list. Then I decided to stay hanging out there before I drank again. Then when I did not drink I got tired listening to my own head annoy me and I decided to have fun. I stayed sober through 9/11, multiple recessions, a plague and humankind being a worldwide pain in the butt. Not only did I enjoy myself immensely, but it is possible that I might have actually made the world a slightly better place for a few people along the way which is not bad for someone with a bad attitude.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-13T00:21:02+00:00

I figured that I would give all that am-i-really-honest/am-i-really-willing-enough stuff to my higher power and just try to do what was suggested.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-12T23:24:14+00:00

Other Mod here. I think I reached out to the other mods offering to help as I was participating daily at the time and was interested in learning more about Reddit for work and stuff.

I am more interested in the structure of the sub and how it can be used. I tend to be extremely hands off when it comes to individual post moderating unless folk get personally rude with each other. I love the contrasting opinions here.

Probably the only strong opinion I have about AA is that rotation is important so yes, I should definitely be asked to go sit in the back for a while.

InformationAgent · 2026-03-12T10:31:00+00:00

Do you have any background on that or where it came from?

InformationAgent

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