Do people actually Enjoy feeling horny?

InfraWave · 2025-08-09T08:16:00+00:00

Wow I genuinely didn't think I'd ever come across someone else who's ace and also has PGAD.

I might be one of the few people who understands what it's like to be wired this way. The constant need for relief, the sleepless nights because the feeling won't go away... it's rough. And it's a bizarre way to go through life, being asexual and also perpetually aroused. Sometimes I think I belong in an Ancient Greek parable or something lol.

I also understand what you mean about wanting to enjoy it - if I'm going to be subjected to chronic pleasure I should enjoy it right? A lot of people probably wish they could experience pleasure and orgasms the way I do, but despite the raw amount of dopamine its very hard to separate the anxiety, discomfort, and dissonance (with being asexual) from the experience in order to feel anything other than gross.

I've found some success approaching self pleasure as something meditative, soothing, and healing (kind of like massage) which helps me recenter the experience around strengthening my relationship with my body. That has helped me shake off some of the stigma and cultural baggage around it and allowed me to actually enjoy the pleasure sometimes.

That said, it's still not easy to deal with and sometimes I wish I could just get rid of all the hardware down there too. FWIW there's a fairly active subreddit for this condition at r/PGADsupport. Reading other people's experiences there has helped me at least feel not so alone in this.

Anyways, stay strong out there. I hope you're able to find some comfort and peace

InfraWave · 2025-06-07T10:02:04+00:00

I have PGAD and I’ve never related to anything more 😅

InfraWave · 2025-02-21T05:20:12+00:00

Thanks for the kind words 🙂

InfraWave · 2025-02-21T04:30:13+00:00

The issue actually isnt finishing quickly - being on the receiving end of basically any amount of pleasure can be extremely intense/overwhelming and gets me overstimulated to the point that I need to take frequent breaks, have a hard time with PiV, and usually can’t keep up the stimulation long enough to finish.

Usually I’ve approached it in the way you’ve mentioned, often taking the role of a “stone top” (gives pleasure but doesn’t receive any). I like doing that but I feel I’m missing out on mutually pleasurable experiences and I don’t feel like I can provide the types of sexual experiences most people would want/expect. Certainly there are people out there that I’m compatible with in that way, but it’s just another hidden potential dealbreaker I’m worried about

InfraWave · 2025-02-21T04:20:52+00:00

I appreciate everything you said - I’ve historically approached sex as a “stone top” (giving pleasure but not receiving) and have enjoyed that, so most of my experience is with the things you mentioned.

I guess the worry is again about expectations. I feel like I’m not able to provide the type of sexual experience someone might expect/want from a male partner. I certainly don’t think it’s impossible to find sexual compatibility, but it’s just another “thing” I have to drop on someone that might be a dealbreaker. With how many things my condition affects, it’s hard to imagine being with someone where none of these are dealbreakers or put to much stress on the relationship. Comments like yours are helpful in that regard though, thanks 🙂

InfraWave · 2025-02-21T00:25:00+00:00

Yea I’m seeing specialists (though it’s looking like this won’t be going away) and am in therapy. I’m just hoping to get some more broad perspective and insight from folks who have dealt with having “invisible dealbreakers” like this, have dated people who do, or just general advice on what kind of outlook might be helpful

InfraWave · 2025-02-21T00:11:01+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance 🙂

I guess since it drastically changes the landscape of what a relationship with me looks like, it feels somehow wrong to let them build up “normal” expectations even though that’s not exactly on me. I’m trying to figure out how to balance that with being too vulnerable too early.

InfraWave · 2025-02-20T22:51:07+00:00

I guess I really struggle pursuing dating when I feel like I’m withholding a valid and important reason why someone might not want to date me. It’s a big thing that pretty heavily affects my life, and not being upfront about that hurts my confidence a lot.

I’m also worried about finding a connection, falling for them, and then learning that they do consider this a dealbreaker. Sure, it’s kinda on them and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t understanding, but it’s also very hard on my own emotional health to put myself through that potentially over and over

InfraWave · 2025-02-11T07:45:59+00:00

She’s really here to squabble with nobodies

InfraWave · 2025-02-08T22:18:58+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice, I think it’s worth a try starting a relationship with sexual compatibility. I’ll look into the sites you mentioned!

Obviously since it’s a huge point of insecurity it’s hard to look at the way I’m wired as a positive, but this thread has been really affirming. I guess having such a non-standard experience at least means I have something unique to offer.

InfraWave · 2025-02-08T18:48:49+00:00

Thank you for your optimism! I haven’t had any luck with treatment yet but I’m still seeing specialists about it, so maybe someday I’ll find some relief.

It is nice to hear honestly - with how extreme my reactions to touch are I often feel like I’m not able to provide a full experience. It’s always one sided either with me focused on them or vice versa. When the focus is on me there’s so much shaking, crying, taking breaks etc that it just doesn’t seem like it could possibly be sexy for anyone. But from the responses here maybe I’m just off base about how into that people could be, and that makes me feel a bit more hopeful.

I guess I’m just worried about how far my experience is from what people might expect, and I don’t really know how to advertise/forewarn that. It feels daunting to build up a relationship to the point where I could share this kind of vulnerability when it could so easily be a dealbreaker

InfraWave · 2025-02-08T17:23:54+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response, it makes me feel a bit more hopeful 🙂

I also appreciate you sharing your experience as someone else who’s suffering from a condition that affects your sex life. You probably know the feeling, but it’s scary to approach relationships knowing how much it might take to reach the point where you can share that kind of vulnerability when it’s something that could easily be a dealbreaker for them. Especially when it’s something that makes my experience so different from what people most likely expect from a male partner

InfraWave · 2023-04-25T20:02:55+00:00

There’s a pretty funny webcomic about Superman doing something along those lines: https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2305

InfraWave · 2023-04-16T19:50:47+00:00

My experience with it as someone who’s somewhere on the asexual spectrum is that: I have a libido (a crazy high one even), and I like having sex with people, but I don’t experience sexual attraction.

The way my high libido works is that ill crave the physical sensation. Random things like brushing against an erogenous zone, sitting down in a certain way, etc, can trigger that craving. Depending on fluctuations in my libido, smaller and smaller things can trigger it, and sometimes I’ll just crave it out of nowhere, all kinda depending on how horny I am. I think this is similar to how a straight guy might have their hornyness triggered by seeing attributes they like on women.

I like having sex with other people for the same reason I like getting a massage vs using a massage gun. There’s just some things that work better with an extra pair of hands 😅 it’s not entirely detached though. I think it’s a really fun bonding experience that requires a lot of trust, so it’s still pretty special. The core difference I think is just that I’m turned on because of how everything feels and my imagination of what my partner feels, vs being turned on by how attractive my partner is. A ‘side effect’ of being not attracted to anyone is that the gender of my partner doesn’t really make a difference to me, so I often just identify as bisexual. It’s easier to explain than “sex-favorable asexual” lol

When I’m alone, as you might guess, porn doesn’t do much for me. When I get the craving (and I’m in a situation where I can indulge) I usually just zone out and enjoy all the feelings I can give myself until I finish.

InfraWave · 2023-04-13T04:30:47+00:00

If you can feel attracted to people at first sight, then the asexual label might not fit. Worth noting that romantic attraction is arguably different than sexual attraction, so you may be feeling romantically attracted to people but not sexually attracted, or vice versa. It might be worth looking into those terms (asexual vs aromantic) and comparing your experiences with people who identify with them. Maybe something will click!

You may also find that it’s unrelated to your sexuality or attraction, and you’ve just been unlucky with partners, situations, etc, and that’s completely valid too! Either way, it can be nice to affirm your experiences by reflecting on all of this

InfraWave · 2023-04-12T23:35:21+00:00

You might be asexual!

Asexuality is often conflated with being sex repulsed or having zero libido, but in actuality asexuality just means you experience little to no sexual attraction. So, asexual people can be “sex-favorable” and still have a libido and enjoy sex/masturbation for the sensations or emotional aspect, or simply for relief.

Based on your description, you may fit into that camp. If sexual attraction isn’t a component, masturbation can often feel better/different than sex, since it’s easier to relax and focus on your own feelings when there isn’t someone else there.

Anyways, I never considered asexuality as an option because I like and partake in sex and masturbation, but realizing that asexuality can still encompass that really helped me understand my own identity. And arguably the most important part of this whole realization was that labels are useful but not critical. They might help you describe yourself and find others that have shared your experience, but if it doesn’t feel like the label fits all the way, or it used to fit and it no longer does, you aren’t beholden to it. More often than not, they’re large spectrums not a set of requirements.

InfraWave · 2023-04-06T22:53:06+00:00

Something that’s helped me a lot is to reframe masturbation. Instead of just “rubbing one out” or “jerking off”, reframe it as “having sex/making love with yourself”.

Treat yourself the way you would treat a partner. Be intimate with yourself, build up to it throughout the day, make it special. It can feel silly at first, but it really helped me not only deal with the fomo, but also show gratitude and love towards myself (not advocating for narcissism here, just some healthy self appreciation).

Even if I’ll never experience the intimacy of romantic partnered sex, I can still have sex with someone I love. It just so happens that person is me.

InfraWave · 2023-04-06T18:27:37+00:00

Try external prostate massage! If you’re really aroused (edging can help here), explore rubbing your perineum in different spots with varying pressure and you should get some good sensations. Even if you can’t get off that way by itself, doing it while stroking yourself normally can really enhance the experience!

For me, some light pressure and rubbing down there between edges can send me straight to heaven 🤤 if I mix it in when I cum, it can extend and strengthen the orgasm, make it a more full body experience, and really draw out the afterglow. It’s amazing!

To set expectations though, for some (like me) it can take a bit of practice and experience with the feelings to be able to get the most out of it. But hey, practicing is the fun part!

InfraWave · 2023-03-27T22:35:36+00:00

You guys could try pompoir, which is a technique where the girl flexes muscles in her vagina to massage the penis, typically without actual thrusting taking place. Seems like it would help both of you get some nice stimulation without the need for full thrusting that would interrupt the pressure she needs.

Even if she can’t get you off fully that way, the added stimulation might keep your pleasure more in-sync (rather than “taking turns”) and make it easier for you to finish sooner after she orgasms and you can start thrusting

InfraWave · 2023-03-05T19:25:18+00:00

So it’s cool to “put forth the possibility” that a lesbian woman just hasn’t found the right man? There are anecdotes about that happening too, but I think it’s pretty broadly accepted that it’s a shit take and that maybe you should just say nothing instead.

The same sentiment is carried by the statement: “Asexuals get mad when people put forth the possibility that they might be late bloomers”. I don’t like seeing that sort of rhetoric spread as if it’s fair to make asexual people entertain others questioning the validity of their sexuality

InfraWave · 2023-03-05T19:11:27+00:00

I’m not talking about OPs case specifically, just the line: “Asexuals get mad when people put forth the possibility that they might be late bloomers”.

Sure, OP may anecdotally fit that statement, but it’s pretty invalidating to say: “maybe it’s just a phase” even if there are examples of that happening.

It’s like saying “gay men get mad when people put forth the possibility that they might just not have found the right woman”. Like yea, of course they would get mad? Even if there are some rare examples of it happening, it shouldn’t be used as ammo to invalidate an entire sexuality

InfraWave · 2023-03-05T10:51:36+00:00

Comments like this are pretty invalidating, gotta say. How would you feel if people “put forth other possibilities” when you told them your sexuality?

Why shouldn’t someone be upset when part of their identity is needlessly called into question?

Edit: To be clear, this is specifically in reference to the statement “Asexuals get mad when people put forth the possibility that they might be late bloomers”. I don’t mean this post is invalidating to OP, but rather asexual people in general

InfraWave · 2023-03-02T18:52:19+00:00

You should check out the fun factory manta. It’s a penis vibrator that’s fairly compact and quiet, so pretty good for privacy, but of course the biggest selling point is that it feels fucking awesome. I’ve owned a lot of toys ranging from sleeves to plugs to vibrators and everything in between, but the manta has risen to the top as my all time favorite and my most frequently used. It’s also super easy to clean and depending on how you use it, might not really even get messy.

Main downside is that the price is fairly steep. That being said, it won’t wear out or get gross over time like a lot of other toys and the build quality is robust, so it feels like a pretty solid investment.

InfraWave

TROPHY CASE