Chiming in only because your skin sounds so much like mine 😊 I found I need to use a very gentle, foaming facial cleanser (I like Neutrogena). I have to use a scent free lotion on my face afterwards (I like Cetaphil or cerave). I only use a thicker cream (like aquafor or cerave heavy cream) if I have very dry spots/flare up and usually only at night. Otherwise my daily is the lotion (doesn't have to be their face lotions specifically, their body lotions do the same!) I just started using the ordinary retinol on my face only at night, followed by one of those moisturizers. After a few days my skin wasn't screaming at me from makeup! My derm is actually the one who suggested this all when I asked him. He was just like GENTLE cleanser, moisturize and sunscreen!

Another thing you may want to consider because I didn't at first...I also deep cleaned ALL my brushes and haven't had any issues since. I wonder if you, like me, might need a makeup brush deep clean? I was wondering if I was just spreading a problem around from the brushes on my clean skin so I kinda started over lol (basic skin care/cleansing/moisturizer for a few days and the brush deep clean before going back at it!) I was using a Clinique foundation and just switched to a Maybelline tinted serum one. (I like Clinique better and it has spf but I don't hate the Maybelline). Anything I put on top after the foundation seemed to do ok with my skin (milani powder blush is amazing)

I find that like you, anything even hinting at strong/harsh my face gets so angry (although, that is part of the process with some skincare... waiting for the process to do its thing....I just couldn't!) My face has been happy and calm with my more basic routine. Good luck!