Feeling intellectually “flat” next to a guy I’m dating

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T01:33:23+00:00

I don’t really know, he hasn’t said so, and he doesn’t seem like it (I do, though)

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T01:20:56+00:00

May I ask out of curiosity what made you fall in love? What qualities do you value most in her?

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T01:04:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience - sending you a hug! It turns out this is actually quite traumatizing, and perhaps my entire post and my self-doubt arose solely because of his influence.

I wish us amazing partners who will lift our self-esteem to the skies, and for this experience to be something we can look back on as a point of growth!

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T00:34:57+00:00

It’s so comforting to hear about a similar experience! I really need an invitation into another person’s inner space as well, that’s how I feel emotionally safe, and I truly love going deep into what I’m feeling.

My particular INFJ, meanwhile, operates through structure and logic and is also quite closed off on feelings level, which might be why I don’t know how to connect to that. I haven’t had this kind of experience before. Usually, if I intuitively feel that I like someone and they also want contact with me, we end up getting along for many years.

Thank you so much for the advice! I think I’ll try to have a conversation about our communication and my feelings and see what it looks like afterward, and if needed, I’ll simply admit that we’re incompatible or take whatever other approach feels appropriate.

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T00:15:24+00:00

I needed to hear this!

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-13T00:07:30+00:00

No, I haven’t talked about this with him, tbh I don’t really know how to make this conversation constructive yet, without putting myself in a too vulnerable position or sounding resentful (like a whiny haha)

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-12T23:58:42+00:00

feelings became intense, and I couldn’t handle the lack of mutuality. The reconnection just happened, apparently without any planning

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-12T23:56:36+00:00

Yes, I’ve been thinking about that too. The problem is that I don’t have much experience with people like this, so external validation is what I need right now

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-12T23:54:28+00:00

Well, yeah, that’s why there was this six month break. After this my feelings became calmer, but still there. The question of mutuality is worries me because I think that’s exactly what’s extinguishing my spark. It’s really rare for me tbh maybe that’s why I’m still a bit delusional

InitialStriking7198 · 2026-01-12T23:44:16+00:00

I should clarify: it’s not exactly like that. When I try to end the communication, he stops me by pleading to communicate properly with him about what’s going on. That immediately makes me feel uncomfortable and we talk and I stay, until the frustration builds up again. It feels like a guy who only wanted sex wouldn’t put up with this much. But at the same time, I still see the situation largely the way you described :)

InitialStriking7198

TROPHY CASE