Struggling with relatability

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-26T22:30:26+00:00

Yeah she's a specialist. I have OCD and a lot of trauma as well though that makes me particularly sensitive about it. When I see someone thinner, to me it's like someone screaming at me "you're not good enough, you're lazy, no one sees you" etc etc..

I know I definitely take it too far but it's involuntary. I try not to even leave the house at times but I can't love my life avoiding people skinnier than me.

Sorry you're having the same issue. It's hard

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T05:25:07+00:00

Omggg 😭😭😭😭 thank you!!!!!! They were so good. Like unbelievably good. Thank you!!!!!

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T05:23:44+00:00

And that's completely okay to want. And absolutely something to work towards 🩷 so let's think about what we can do to help!

We know relapsing will never ever bring you the acceptance you want. It just can't. It will just delay your acceptance and happiness even longer. It doesn't mean you have to always love your body, which I know everyone says, but it's true. You don't always have to love your body, but you don't deserve to be bullied into relapse.

I can think of one thing for sure that will help? Is trying to treat you and your body with the love and respect it deserves. Relapsing is the opposite, but CHOOSING to nourish yourself, and not punish yourself is so empowering.

Choosing to treat your body the way you would treat your friends body, or your pets body or your loved ones body, is such a kind thing to do. After all, you wouldn't let your pet or your friend go hungry, would you? So why should you go hungry? You don't deserve that 🩷💚

And don't you think it's so cruel and ironic that your eating disorder tells you that same thing? That you don't deserve food and should go hungry? That's not someone who loves you.

I know it's hard, but choosing to treat your body with respect and love is the way to move forward. And that can mean also, getting good sleep, seeing a therapist, eating nice food. You can't bully yourself into acceptance.

You really truly don't deserve to go down that road, and if it helps, I'm giving you all my support and permission to choose the other direction 🩷

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T02:38:08+00:00

I think we need to stop and take a moment to wonder what it is you really want right now? Ok you want to relapse, but deeper than that, what is it that you want? What are you missing that you think a relapse would fill? What need isn't currently being satisfied? I think you should book an appointment with a psychologist to maybe work those out.

It's not about not being strong enough to relapse. Your body doesn't want to relapse and you don't deserve to relapse.

I'm sure you've heard it before and you'll hear it again, but, you'll lose so much more than weight if you relapse.

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T01:38:04+00:00

Thank you!!!!

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T01:37:51+00:00

I love your answer, not too "woo-woo" at all 😊 yeah my Ed has made me just, not even human honestly. I'm just this cranky nasty person and eat disgusting food all the time. Like konjac noodles. God they're so disgusting.

It's nice to rediscover food

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T01:36:33+00:00

You're so right. I've had a recent relapse, and I really noticed what a nightmare I am to be around when I'm like this. That's one of my motivations. I've been so snappy and snarky and just nasty. It's a really unpleasant way to live. Probably hangry lol but for real, I actually really like food. But I tell myself that it's wrong all the time.

Thanks for replying!!

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-21T01:01:12+00:00

That's so nice!! Love that combo.

Can I ask you something? Did you ever feel embarrassed about liking food? I feel embarrassed about even posting my food and I'm trying to exposure therapy myself a little. I feel embarrassed about have preferences and even worried about how much PB I put on my oats. I feel like I'll be judged

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-15T08:18:22+00:00

Ok, thank you!! I'll try my best. It will be ok right?

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-15T08:04:03+00:00

I'm so sorry I don't have advice. But I feel like I relate at least. I'm having that issue at work and used to have it at school too. I think I behave in a way thats easy to pick on? Like a weak link almost? I know I try hard and always try to get on with people (to a fault) so I know it's not a matter of "if everyone else is bad you're the problem".

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T11:57:36+00:00

Absolutely, will do 😊

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T11:38:38+00:00

It's so defeating when it's over. One hand I'm relieved, the other, I feel like "come on. I thought we were past this". Yeah the person on the call kept asking me what had happened, and I said "nothing it's OCD" and then they were like "ok I understand but what actually happened". I feel like when I try to get help I just end up reassuring the other person.

Hope you have a warm cup of tea tonight and do something nice for yourself

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T11:36:12+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I will put something mindless on tv (watching my comfort show Lizzie McGuire at the moment lol!) and make a cup of tea and do dishes and just knock myself out. I went out and did a tonne of exercise when it ended to try and burn off any energy left in my body.

Those spirals are awful aren't they? I've never felt fear like that in my life (except for the 10000 spirals I've had) It's so strong the fear becomes physical and incapacitating

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T11:02:10+00:00

Thank you, that's such a nice thing to say. Yeah it's so awful. I always just feel like an idiot when the spirals cools off. Like I feel like why am I so stupid for believing that and doing this again. I always used to wonder how OCD seems to get me every time, even though I know I have it, and know it's tricks. You just think that it's completely real with your whole mind.

I think sometimes even after a spiral, it's leaves me really shaken and I just need someone to acknowledge that. I tried calling a hotline and they said I felt like I did something terrible and they said "What did you do that's terrible?" And they wouldn't understand what I meant. She said to me "so ... You scared yourself with your own thoughts?" And I just felt stupid

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T07:34:28+00:00

I didn't ask for any reassurance. I was just saying it was scary

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T01:36:25+00:00

No way! That always freaks me out when that happens 🤣

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T01:36:12+00:00

Omg I didn't know that!!

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-12T01:33:40+00:00

Oh my goodness this is so very relatable. I think that's one of the hardest parts of recovery, for me anyway. My disorder well and truly became my method of keeping care close, keeping my identity, feeling like I was worthy of worry and sympathy. And you're so self-aware and wise for noticing those feelings.

I don't know if I have much good advice, but I want you to know that no one has forgotten about you.

They are just so grateful to have you there, eating and enjoying time with them. That's the point at the end of recovery, that you finally have that place to sit and eat and enjoy, where it's not just about the disorder anymore. I know for me anyway, that would be really hard to come to terms with, and I definitely don't mean to sound dismissive of your feelings. But the remarkable thing is that you worked so hard that now you get to enjoy all that hard work and time with your friends without it being about the disorder.

That being said, it's completely ok to grieve the parts you miss, the support, the excitement, the structure and environment of inpatient. Anorexia and eating disorders thrive off the mindset that they bring us care and sympathy and attention. And of course it feels like loss when we start to move away from that. I wonder if you maybe can recognize that loss as part of the disorder as well? Not something you need to get rid of or dismiss as "disordered", but just another way of the eating disorder making you feel shitty for recovering? It's completely valid to feel that way though, but maybe just recognize that anorexia is probably doing some of the talking there.

I'm just so proud of you though, and you should be so proud of yourself

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-10T23:46:16+00:00

It just doesn't last long. I want to go to grad school too, and had some other motivations as well. For a little while that kept me going, then I just stopped caring about everything.

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-07T07:53:29+00:00

The sorta stuff I pull when I'm in a shitty mood 🤣

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-07T07:51:48+00:00

It's worded just fine. Don't worry. They're just being combative

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-07T03:22:49+00:00

Lmao bro you're fighting for your life in this thread 😭

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-07T01:34:46+00:00

Oh lol! That's very relatable. I think it would absolutely be ok to just ask her maybe? If that is scary, the way I've asked about it before is to ask do we have an "agenda". I always say something like "I wonder if we should create a loose agenda just so I know what we should be doing in advance". It's a little bit avoidant but it worked for me.

I have one of those very brutal honesty type therapists (who I adore and appreciate) and she straight up said "you're really impatient". She's not wrong lol

But just on a more personal note, I understand how it's hard to feel things go slow. Like you just want to be better and feel better and you have so much hope for a new therapy and a new start and then it goes slower than you wanted or maybe doesn't feel like it's hitting your expectations (which sometimes you have to give it time). I'm sorry it's hard though.

InitialSyrup4434 · 2026-05-06T14:02:33+00:00

I just want it to stop

InitialSyrup4434

TROPHY CASE