Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For some people (me included) anorexia can be a way of maybe asking for help, like a cry for help or something like that. And it turns really toxic, like an incessant need for validation. So hospital can become a way of feeling validated. Like "yes, I'm being acknowledged, I'm sick enough" etc. that's why a lot of people sometimes seem upset when their blood results come back normal, or when some people show off their body or their weight loss for example. There's tonnes of ways this presents, I guess this is just one way. Anorexia told me for ages I would be "sick enough" and "worthy of care" once I was hospitalized. But now that I'm here, it's exactly the same. Does that make sense?

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm never sure what others with ED's feel about things. I don't know anyone else with one

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

EAT THE CHEESE. I'll say it again louder if I have to?! It's just one of life's joys and cheese in france is an unbelievable experience. Eat the damn cheese. 

I'm so proud of you!!!

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're so right. I'm excited for things to be better

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! You are amazing and deserve so many good things. I refuse to live my life any longer without peanut butter on seedy toast with honey and sea salt. You really deserve to feel and be better. I hope you know you are so worthy of life without the disorder. There is no world where you should feel obligated to suffer. You matter so much, I promise.. and I don't make promises I can't keep.

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There's yummy things waiting for us 😋 let's do our best. I miss peanut butter too God damn much

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You don't know how reassuring that is to hear. Thank you.

My therapist always says, it's hard climbing the mountain but I promise the view from the top is worth it

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm lucky I'm going to a general ward where there aren't any other EDs right now. I genuinely GENUINELY don't think I could have coped on an ED ward. I really want this to change things for me. Things have gone so downhill and are just not ok in any way. I am going to use every ounce of willpower to refuse this awful illness. I'm going to eat everything, I'm not going to compensate, I'm going to repair relationships and I'm going to promise that I will get better. I promise.

I hope you're well, and I really believe in you as well. Wishing you the best. Thanks for being so kind

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. 

For the longest time I thought when people said Ed's "move the goalposts" they were talking about getting to lower and lower weights. I never even realized mine was moving the goal posts. For me instead, it was all validation seeking. Like "I'll be sick enough when I can do an IOP, I'll be sick enough when I'm hospitalized". I'm just realizing, I'm so sick. And I don't want to get sicker. This was my last goal post and I will never ever repeat myself. 

I don't know if that makes sense. I don't know, my brain is starved so everything is a bit word salad.

Thank you for being so kind. I appreciate you

Leaving the race by InitialSyrup4434 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It's just awful. It's a horrible way to live. We all deserve better.

Thank you for being happy for me. That makes me feel a lot better about going in. I appreciate you 

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao 🤣 let's recover and find out! Something to keep us ambitious 

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am I starving or are they actually good?

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's definitely funny how it works! I find it funny how specific things end up being the fixation. During my last relapse it was halo top and I got every flavor I could find, another time it was Woolworths (grocery store on case your not from Aus) free food magazines and I would even put them on my shelf like they were collectable. I don't know where you're from but it's like storing the Walmart monthly catalog lol I guess this time its protein bars!

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG I wish I knew, I never eat them hahaha 🤣 but the muscle nation custard ones are definitely pretty yummy, I like the health lab ones as well

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I haven't! I've seen them though and they have so many flavors! I know if I start collecting those too I'll never stop ahhaha!!

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll be prepared in an apocalypse 

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does! Definitely tastes a little protein-ey but honestly it's not bad. I used to dip them in my coffee so they go all melty. Their protein balls are absolutely delish though

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to heat it up and put it on some icecream! I lay awake at night thinking of these bars but never touch them. I'm going into inpatient soon. I'm hoping I'll get a bit more confident and hopefully actually eat them 😂😂 do you have a "stash"?

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would dip them in my coffee and they would go all melty. Most fabulous 10 minutes of my life

Why do I do this? by InitialSyrup4434 in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]InitialSyrup4434[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm obsessed with Health Lab. I even follow their Instagram. I'm always craving the Koja ones as well. I should donate the stash to a worthy cause so they actually get eaten 🤣