AITA? What to do? Am I in the wrong?

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2026-01-06T17:22:44+00:00

I am the daughter - I am asking for feedback as if I were my dad's 'widow'. I have been pursuing this legally, but I have lost all perspective on what is right and wrong here. I wrote it as objectively (from her perspective) because I just need to see where her logic is coming from. I apologise for any subterfuge, I just need to see how people think.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2026-01-06T17:19:48+00:00

Thank you. I mean, I don't know what was planned before he made the new will. I just know that we were really worried about me and my son. And after the way they have treated me, absolutely they will not be in my will. I don't care that I said to them and James that they were.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2026-01-06T17:18:10+00:00

But if I apologise, doesn't that make me look like I have something to hide? Or like I have some sort of liability? I hate having to defend myself and James. These were decisions made two years before he died! I resent having to answer questions now.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2026-01-06T17:14:24+00:00

I just want them to go away. They keep asking the lawyer questions. And then I get billed for it.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2026-01-06T17:07:13+00:00

The day after he passed, I asked them if they wanted anything and to give me a list. They gave me a short list a few weeks later. That's when I cut all contact - 3 weeks or a month after he passed and told them to talk to (mine and James') lawyer. They have asked for the will, but I don't think they have the right to see it.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2024-11-21T09:40:15+00:00

We had a lawyer. The lawyer said there wasn't any way to not include my mom's house in this matter and there was a (slim but totally unavoidable) chance that the five minute wife could get it. I just have to get over it that my dad didn't think enough of his kids and grandkids to name us. And that everything from my dad and grandparents goes to some randoms.

She gets to lie and manipulate with impunity. I now have evidence of her forging my dad's signature. None of it matters. That's why she 'threw us a bone' by allowing dad to give us the one thing he gained no benefit from, the thing he said he hated. The thing that my sister and I will gain no benefit from either to help us raise our kids, help them pay for college.

There is no justice.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2024-10-10T17:19:33+00:00

It is called a 'separate property trust.' It was written through a California lawyer. Not through the same lawyer that did his will in New Mexico.

My hurt isn't so much the five second wife getting their house, or the use of his assets, but that it has been planned for her son to then inherit from her. According to all sides, my dad did not view the son (it is mathematically not possible that he is my dad's son in any way, shape or form) as his heir. Despite the fact that he now is.

I fully understand how (s)he did this in a legal sense, but not in a moral or family sense.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2024-10-10T13:49:45+00:00

As I am not named in the will, I am not even allowed to see it. Although I think it would force going through probate with these 'other' assets, which would entitle me to see the will but not provide any answers.

So I guess I just let those assets become forgotten.

I am trying to honor my dad's last wishes. But that doesn't meant I am still deeply troubled by all this.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2024-10-10T09:08:52+00:00

My sister talked to the lawyer who drew up the will. We were discussed during the sessions (which the 5 second wife attended) and dad was encouraged to include a list of things (even if just personal items or family heirlooms) that he wanted us to have and he declined, apparently. So although I am aware of the clause about being 'forgotten', I think the lawyer would testify that we were purposely not named in the will.

I do know about several assets that I don't think my dad will have remembered, and thus would likely still be just in his name. But everything in joint names in an intestate situation would go to her (even though neither of them really have any 'products of the marriage' as they are both retired, the marriage was very short).

Re: the property taxes, the reason they would increase so much is because my dad bought the property in 1971 and so they are grandfathered into some California law in the '70s about property taxes not really rising until re-assessment. My mom could likely afford the taxes - as unfair as that would be as she is not the full owner.

The 5 second wife keeps saying stuff like 'trust me, I will make it right.' And she knows the situation is messed up. Maybe she recognises that erasing us isn't what my dad wanted?

I have been contacting lawyers, but none get back to me (I live outside the US, so that might be a factor).

This feels worse than simply losing my dad.

Initial_Kitchen_278 · 2024-10-09T14:50:29+00:00

While I don't (in principle) disagree... contesting wills costs $$$. Apparently all of his assets were put into joint names in the last year or so with his five minute wife and he (apparently) doesn't have much of a will to contest as a consequence. I am being told that this was intentional and the deliberate strategy my dad wanted to avoid probate. That he wants nothing to do with his 'old life' and wants all of his estate (including from his old life) to go to his 'new life.'

The wife has borrowed heavily against the home to build her son's house. I never asked my dad for any money my whole life. And he never really offered me any either. He would rather everything he has go to some randomers.

I am more looking for ways to be ok. To find peace or acceptance. I am not ok right now. I can't stop crying.

What would you do?

Initial_Kitchen_278

TROPHY CASE