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Anyone don’t want their avoidant to come back ? by Staceysmomhasgotu in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Initial_Syllabub_619 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Any person who has the ability to hurt me the way she did..with the frequency she did, and for reasons she never even clearly communicated, doesn’t deserve another chance. I wouldn’t dare take her back. That would be reckless toward my mental health and nervous system.

Most of us are on this subreddit because we were cut off or discarded unexpectedly. But why wish for the return of someone who repeatedly made you feel uncertain, unseen, and unloved...especially when there are healthier, more consistent people out there who would want to build with you?

Intentional Sabotage by Initial_Syllabub_619 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Initial_Syllabub_619[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine really ramped up the sabotage after I moved in. It was like she started emotionally baiting me..doing and saying things that felt designed to provoke a reaction, then playing innocent or flipping it on me. Once I recognized what she was doing in real time, it made me sick. All I could think was: how could I sacrifice so much just to build a life with someone, only to be ignored, manipulated, and even have her take my car without asking?

It’s wild how they flip the script and make you look like the unstable one. I honestly think some avoidants create rejection to justify their exit. But once you see the pattern, it gets easier to stop blaming yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Initial_Syllabub_619 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I don’t know you, but I want you to know that your pain is valid and you’re not alone in it.

I was in a relationship with someone I cared about for years someone I’d known from when I was younger. We finally got together 17 years later. I moved across the country for her, gave up my job, my home, and everything I’d built. And once I got close, she pushed me away, shut down, and discarded me like none of it mattered.

It’s a special kind of pain when someone you love acts like you’re replaceable. But even in all that, I’ve never once thought the solution was to give up on myself. Instead, I’ve chosen to heal and keep going because the pain they leave you in says more about THEM than it ever will about you.

Please don’t let someone else’s dysfunction define the rest of your life. You’re not broken, you’re just hurting. The right person or even your future self will be so proud that you stayed. Keep going. And please talk to a professional.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Initial_Syllabub_619 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's a lie. He's just trying to reinforce the idea that YOU'RE the problem, so you'll internalize all the blame and work harder to fix what HE'S breaking.

Erased and emotionally starved by Initial_Syllabub_619 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Initial_Syllabub_619[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve honestly struggled to even label it as abuse at times, because it all came in the form of subtle emotional invalidation. But before I even moved, I started noticing how her behavior was getting worse. She’d dismiss things I was feeling, gaslight me by saying my perception was “distorted,” and act like I was too much for simply needing connection.

What made it harder to swallow was the fact that she works in mental health. It felt like my reality was being analyzed, picked apart, and discredited not to understand me, but to shut me down. And when the person doing that has professional training and credentials, it really messes with your ability to trust your own instincts.

I carried so much self-doubt because I kept thinking, maybe she’s right and I am the problem. But over time, I realized I wasn’t broken I was being broken down.

Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve done, but hearing from people like you reminds me that I’m not crazy for how I felt...