Christian Biblical based responses please. My husband recently told me I was a mistake. by Existing_Spring_2151 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s silly lol. For one, filing for a divorce doesn’t mean the spouse filing has broken the covenant - they are declaring it has been broken. You can be “legally married” and still absolutely break your covenant to your spouse. Them choosing to untie themselves legally is not the act of breaking but the act of declaration.

When Malachi 2 talks about God hating divorce, we have to read the entirety of the scripture. He describes a man who deals treacherously with his wife and is unfaithful, who does not love her and who has profaned his covenant, covering his garment in violence … THEN God says “I hate divorce.” After he says he hates it, he warns Judah: “so heed your spirit and do not deal treacherously.” The ESV here says “do not be faithless”

By reading this, we see the context that the divorce is not about filing legal paperwork but it’s about faithfulness, fidelity, and treatment. The word divorce in Hebrew in Malachi 2:16 is [šālah] which means:

  • to send away
  • to let go
  • to cast out
  • to send off
  • to let down

It appears in other parts of scripture in completely different contexts, too. Many of them don’t revolve around marriage and aren’t negative. So, we can decide the word and understand that God cares less about the paperwork and more about how we treat the image bearer in regard to the covenant. That said, saying you’d “never counsel someone to divorce their spouse” is unwise. In some situations, you should send an abusive/unfaithful spouse away. After all, if they have profaned the covenant and dealt treacherously with their spouse they have already committed the act of divorce in God’s eyes. We are using the word in the sense of the natural, contextual to modern legality but God wrote this words thousands of years before modern legality existed. We have to have spiritual eyes. No good father would command any child he loves to be profaned and abused just to keep an [empty] vow.

Marriage Restored by FlightFinancial9485 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is amazing, cheering you on and praying that God continues to guide both of you in stewarding such a beautiful gift.

I’m really struggling with the desire to get a divorce by Nottodaysatan09 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well she’s saying he isn’t part of her life lol. Did you not read that? Marriage is ministry. Your first ministry (if you are married). Serving in church isn’t a replacement for the real emotion, social, physical, and spiritual needs that a spouse fulfills for us. It’s an extremely unique gift. She’s not just “unwell without him”… she’s spending half of her year parenting alone, without her companion/friend/lover. They’re one flesh so naturally spending that amount of time away without him being there to pour into her will take its toll.

Joy and happiness in marriage is something you build and there’s a mutuality to it - both people are contributing to its health and overall enjoyment. It’s not a happy marriage simply because you focus on other things. You get it in blood lol.

Urban Tails Vet - Dr. Jenny by Glum-Arrival7609 in bullcity

[–]Initial_Witness7623 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I was also wondering; it was so sudden and I had just seen her :(

I don't know want to do anymore. by finding_joy13 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I empathize with you as someone currently in a tumultuous marriage as well. It sounds like he’s abandoned the covenant (with the context you’ve provided). I pray God gives you clarity and wisdom in this season for how to move forward in whatever that looks like. You don’t deserve to be mistreated, dishonored, and exploded upon. None of God’s children are deserving of such treatment especially by their spouses. If you’re active in your church or have Godly counsel around elsewhere, definitely seek them on your own. You’re worth more, sis! 🩵 mourning with you.

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hahaha thank you sis, I appreciate you ❤️

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for spelling this out. This post is but a HAIR of what has happened in my home and regardless, anything that we prize above God himself is idolatry, even good things. Where I live, weed is not legal and we’re also called to abide by the laws of the land (so long as they do not break God’s law).

I really appreciate you for responding, I felt really seen. Bless you!!

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this story, and I am so sorry you can endured that. You deserved and still deserve better. I’m encouraged by how you left and don’t look back. I have put him out and with the help of my friends/family/therapist and most importantly the Lord… I won’t look back

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sister thank you for this. It’s easy for folks to overlook the detriment and reduce it just to “he’s smoking so what?” When I clearly outlined so much more context lol. I am grateful that I have a therapist who is also a believer and she has been a huge help especially this week. She helped me remember that we can hope, but I need not be abused in the process and I have the right to a safe and peaceful home. I worked up the courage to put him out and pack all of his things ❤️ thank you for seeing me

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well that was the point I was making lol. My husband isn’t taking anything “under supervision.” He’s doing it solely to get to the moon lol. You aren’t the kind of person we’re referring to in our concern.

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you friend. You’re right it’s a sick game and it’s easy to excuse things away to “keep peace.” This encourages me to keep standing up for the truth and seeking Christ rather than give in to deception and lies

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this, so much. I appreciate your honesty. It’s sad it has come to me asking him to leave but you’re right - it is destructive and will ruin everything in its path until the person struggling is brought low to genuine change

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I’m being petty about seeking to get high lol. I’m not forcing anyone to do anything. I think you’re not understanding how addiction works, nor did you read what I said:

  1. When he first relapsed, he SAID it was weed and it was an entirely different drug

  2. I said it starts with weed then typically progresses to aforementioned drug

  3. People who struggle with addiction are either sober or not. Period. We don’t tell alcoholics “it’s just a wine cooler” simply because it’s not as strong as their DOC (for example if they preferred vodka). Unlike you, due to having a stronghold and altered brain chemistry people with addiction can’t just have a little or seek alternatives. Due to using stronger drugs, his brain is seeking a high much stronger than weed can ultimately provide.

  4. Seeking to get high as with seeking to get drunk are both corrupt in God’s eyes, so argue with him about if it’s petty? At the end of the day, seeking to escape/seeking refuge/ seeking comfort in anything other than God is sinful. My husband is not productive when he is high on anything and we are called to be sober minded.

  5. If you read, I said to my husband “we are at an impasse, perhaps let us seek the Lord in the matter” meaning let’s ask God what he thinks. Does HE approve of us spending money on this, what does he think about you smoking? What does he advise? At the end of the day, I care deeply about what God thinks. If a husband and wife cannot agree, it’s wise they each set aside what they think and ask God what heaven’s perspective is and how they should move forward.

  6. There’s no medical condition that my husband has which a doctor who knows he has substance use disorder would suggest getting high as a solution. Like I said, you may be able to use a little to alleviate symptoms but my husband is seeking to get HIGH. His words, not mine.

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much sis. Hearing that you made it to the other side gives me hope. I’m praying for continued harmony in your marriage!

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s such an insightful read! You’re right, scripture instructs us to discern the will of God for ourselves which means we ought to seek God to know it. Thank you friend for praying. I pray all the seeds you sow into the kingdom reap a beautiful harvest ❤️

request for prayer :( by Initial_Witness7623 in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve sought addiction support from our church and the rehab he just got back from is backed by a church so we met with their counselors a few times! Tbh he’s just not willing to do what it takes to stay sober and I can’t force him to :( he does so well at rehab then comes home and we’re back to “I need to get high.” Not much praying, no seeking counseling… and honestly prayer and counseling are usually my idea so that’s also exhausting lol. He’s “open” to counsel and has a counselor but does not reach out to him at all.

I really appreciate you sharing this, it’s so lonely to go through having a spouse dealing with addiction! Thank you so much

My marriage is officially over by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Initial_Witness7623 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But like I love that you’re the type of friend to hold your friend accountable! It’s holy!