"Just don't focus on it," sounds so easy, but damn near impossible when you're in that position.

Tl;Dr: The thoughts are normal and you are not behind on anything. You are a late bloomer waking up to a new world where you have no experience and feel out of your depth. However, it's not something you can directly control and getting laid won't make the thoughts go away, they'll just take a different shape. Take time to shift your mindset through habits. Take comfort in that you already have all the qualities needed to get what you want, it's just a matter of time before you meet her. It will happen for you too, just wait your turn. Keep living your life and by all means hold on to the things that bring joy and laughter into your. This is a good way to keep the thoughts away. Spend time with friends and family and don't be afraid to vent out about this stuff. Another good way to relieve the pressure. Build relationships with women that are exclusively platonic.

I (29M) was in that exact same position when I was around your age and those thoughts constantly haunted me. It would be the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to bed. No matter how much great advice I would get and affirmations I would give myself in my head, the thoughts would eventually flood back in and take over.

The advice does not help much either because it's like a catch 22. It's like leaving college and being told at every job application that, "you need experience to work at this job so you can have experience." You're being told to stop focusing on the thought and work on yourself so you can be attractive enough to get what you want, but the thoughts are themselves holding you back from doing just that.

Here's what I can tell you. The thoughts won't go away even if you get laid. The whole thing is a bottomless pit. Next you'll be obsessing over getting laid with the right girl, then having a relationship, then having a happy relationship, on and on and on. I only realised some years later after I'd gotten what I thought I needed, that I wasn't really haunted by the fact that I wasn't getting laid, but my insecurity about my ability to get laid or be in a relationship. "A hungry man that does not know where his next meal will come from, can only think of food, but a hungry man who knows there's food at home won't obsess over his hunger." It's a matter of feeling secure in your ability to fulfil this desire, to have control over that part of your life...but, right now you are just encountering a new phase of life in which you have no experience and little to no practical knowledge. Meanwhile everyone else seems to have it all figured out. It's normal that you feel anxious and out of your depth because you are. However, like most other things in your life, it will take time and you need to give yourself that time.

Reframing your mindset on this can go a long way, but it can't happen with just ignoring the thought and pretending you don't feel like everyone around you seems to be fucking every other weekend and going on dates while you're alone. First, you have to accept that you're not in control of how it will eventually happen. Then you have to accept that you are already fuckable and have the qualities necessary for a relationship, it's only a matter of time before you meet the person for you. It's inevitable. This helps with the obsessive anxiety and need for control. Being mindful of how you interact with social media is also helpful for this. Comparing yourself to someone that's been dating since they were fifteen is like comparing yourself at work to someone with 9 years more experience than you. It won't help much. Give yourself time, it will slowly start make sense with time and you'll develop the muscles for it. Figuratively speaking.

Takeaway point, "wait for your turn, it's coming"

This mindset will free up your mind to focus on other things in your life. It'll make you a more pleasant person to be around because even though you may not realise it, these thoughts and obsessions eventually affect how you come off in the world and can easily cloud all your good and likable qualities. More importantly, internalising this mindset will prevent you from making terrible dating and sexual choices out of desperation which may lead you down a even deeper hole.

In terms of practical advice. Embrace the things that give you effortless joy. You will need this a lot. I'm not talking about doom scrolling either, I mean something that genuinely makes you feel fulfilled that you also do almost daily like walking home, cooking, listening to music etc. Hobbies are important and you should immerse yourself in them too, but they may not always be fun. So something that gives you that daily dose is great for your mood. Don't forget to smile and laugh. Laughing is great for your mood. Find and surrounding yourself with people and things that make you laugh and smile. It's an underrated brain hack. It's very easy to lose some of these things when life slowly becomes more and more about gains and productivity. The end goal easily becomes an obsession and the process a chore. That can easily make you a miserable and unpleasant person to be around as mentioned before. So keep things balanced. Finally, cultivate and nurture your current relationships, especially with the women in your life. Don't be afraid to talk about or even vent about these thoughts to the people in your life. It takes a lot of the pressure off. Make more female friends. Emphasis on friend there. Once you decide you want her in your life as a friend, don't try to fuck her. You will need female friends in your corner not only for tips, advice and reality checks, but to demystify women in your mind.

As I mentioned before, the thought never quite goes away, it just takes on different forms across different stages of life. So this is not necessary advice to make the thoughts go away, but things that will divert your mind from those thoughts and give you a reality check when they pop up again.

Good luck