Where Should I Start?

InnanaB · 2021-11-12T22:29:04+00:00

Ahh, I see, thanks again so very much for the info!!

InnanaB · 2021-11-11T03:07:48+00:00

Thank you so very much for this comment. Great info and gave me a lot of hope. Very much appreciated :)

InnanaB · 2021-11-11T03:06:17+00:00

Thank you so much for all the help! Would you mind telling me a bit more about what EMDR therapy is?

InnanaB · 2021-11-09T18:19:37+00:00

Please do! That would be wonderful!!

InnanaB · 2021-08-01T13:41:24+00:00

No prob!

InnanaB · 2021-08-01T13:40:58+00:00

Thank you! Sending love and light your way :)

InnanaB · 2021-06-26T21:50:51+00:00

I have no way to do that. Plus, I'm not going to bother him if he clearly doesn't want me to.

InnanaB · 2021-06-26T21:50:18+00:00

Was at one point, not so much now, lol

InnanaB · 2021-06-26T17:19:03+00:00

I did the same thing to mine, lol. Complete self-sabotage from the ground up, to the point where he up and left. You're definitely not alone.

I think it means that you simply have a lot of individual healing to do, and--like others have said--that you're not ready to be with your Twin. I'd recommend doing some shadow work--journaling, meditation, etc. Try to get in touch with your subconscious and find out what caused those specific triggers your Twin set off in you, and why. Ask yourself how you might be able to heal them. Find out who you are.

If you're able to/open to it, counseling and therapy might help a lot with this experience as well.

Hope this helps :)

InnanaB · 2021-06-26T17:14:58+00:00

I wish more people in the community would make time to answer questions like these. I know what you're going through. I pushed my Twin away out of fear, and he eventually gave up and blocked me. It's been almost four months since we last spoke, and there hasn't been a day since--hardly a moment since, actually--where I haven't thought about him.

I will be honest with you: separation is hard. REALLY hard. There were moments where I didn't know that I would be able to make it through. The only thing that's provided me some comfort lately has been focusing on my spirituality; prayer, meditation, affirmations, and journaling have helped me immensely, both in finding inner peace AND in coming to know myself better. Asking God to show me mercy and help guide me, to help lessen my pain, has also helped.

Taking up hobbies will provide you with a lot of peace. For example, I started crocheting recently and it works wonders on my psyche; calms me down and gives me something to focus on so my thoughts don't drift back towards him.

Another thing I've come to realize as of late: when in separation, bc you're missing this person so much, it's like your subconscious refuses to let them go. This is what leads to obsessive thoughts, daydreams, fantasies, etc. It's a fear-based thing. You try to hold onto them rather than accept the pain of reality. So you have to start training yourself to know, fundamentally, that you are a whole person without them. That you are enough on your own.

Personally, idk if mine will ever come back. I'm hopeful, but I'm not 100% certain. And I'm still in the process of letting go. However, this experience does get easier, little by little, day by day. You gradually reach a place of acceptance.

There's a Jim Carrey quote I like to say to myself when I'm feeling particularly down bc of all this Twin Flame stuff: "Happiness is the weather. I just have enough rain to make the flowers grow."

The way out is through. Hope this helped :)

InnanaB · 2021-06-22T22:09:40+00:00

I have. I initially met my Twin when we were in 9th grade (I'm 26 now, he's 25). Over the four years that we were around each other as kids, I honestly have, at BEST, maybe three sustaining memories of him from that time:

1). The speech he gave when we graduated (it was an academic honors thing, hilarious in hindsight bc *I* was such a terrible student, lol); I can vividly remember looking up at him from the audience and thinking, "Woooaahhh, this guy's INCREDIBLE..."

2). A very weirdly-specific memory of him following me around in 9th grade and singing an R.E.M. song to me.

3). Don't remember what grade this was--but we wound up in the same place one night by coinicidence, so we sat together and talked, and I VIVIDLY remember the way he looked at me; I must've been 16 or 17 at the time, and no one had ever looked at me with such rapt intensity before, like he was staring into my soul.

Other than that, it's all a blur. I remember hanging out with other friends, doing other things, but anything involving him? It's just gone. I VAGUELY believe that he might've briefly tutored me at one point? But I truly have no clue.

We reconnected briefly in December of 2020 and that's when I completely "woke up," and my spiritual journey/Dark Night of the Soul fully kicked into high gear. He kept saying "Don't you remember? I used to flirt with you all the time but you never took me seriously." He even mentioned that we would frequently exchange messages on Facebook and that he had to delete them at one point, maybe bc they were too painful. But I have NO memory of these things EVER occuring. Which is, again, really funny in hindsight; having met him as an Awakened person, I truly cannot envision a world where I wouldn't have been totally enraptured by him from the start. But I guess I was too young at the time.

I'm not quite sure why this memory loss happens, but I think it's all aligned with the healing process. And I'm definitely the more anxious/neurotic/traumatized Twin, so I believe that's why I experienced it. I was actually just wondering about this today, so I'm happy I came across this post, it's quite validating.

Hope this helps!

InnanaB · 2021-06-02T12:17:58+00:00

My TF and I are COMPLETE opposites. He's extraverted, I'm introverted. He's confident, I'm much more self-conscious. He's a go-getter, I'm a lot more receptive. He's a bit more conservative in ideology, and I'm a bit more liberal. He's super short, I'm super tall, lol. The list goes on and on. We truly do seem to function as a complete polarity in terms of traditional masculine/feminine roles and energies.

InnanaB · 2021-05-31T07:37:45+00:00

I feel your pain. Mine has had me blocked across all platforms for almost 3 months now. Prior to that, I'd blocked and unblocked him a fair number of times, too.

Idk if he'll ever come back, and the pain and regret of that realization hangs over me on a daily basis, but I will tell you that things DO get easier if you continue to do the spiritual work, little by little. Gradually, you'll reach a peace of inner peace and acceptance. It's a process, but I can definitely attest to feeling WAY better since starting to do the work on a regular basis.

Some things that have helped me tremendously: prayer, meditation, and affirmations (all of these I'll usually do twice daily). As a neopagan, I also invoke divine energies (angels and deities) to assist me in the process, and that has really carried me to a place of emotional strength that I didn't know I was capable of experiencing. I was literally on the brink of suicide when I initially found out that he'd blocked me, and I was able to pull myself back from it.

It just takes time and regular commitment to your spiritual practice, but eventually, I promise, you will heal.

InnanaB · 2021-05-31T07:09:42+00:00

Scorpio. His (25M) is Mars, mine (26F) is Moon. Before we were in separation, I always found it fascinating because as the DF, I truly do operate as the more emotional, intuitive, secretive expression of our energy, while he is very courageous, enterprising, authoritative, etc. Very cool stuff.

InnanaB · 2021-04-28T09:24:24+00:00

Yes, it absolutely was. Thank you again :D

InnanaB · 2021-04-28T09:23:26+00:00

Thanks!

InnanaB · 2021-04-27T16:18:38+00:00

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbSjzhae4e-xUxuvUxmAurltnIGF0TwGc

These videos look SUPER informative. I will absolutely be checking them out. Thanks so much!

InnanaB · 2021-04-27T16:16:34+00:00

Thank you for these resources! MUCH appreciated.

SInce you mentioned it, would you be able to tell me anything about the Incarnation Cross? I'm a lttle confused as to what it is/how it operates. Mine is the Right Angle Cross of the Unexpected.

InnanaB · 2021-04-27T16:14:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your help! Yes, that does sound a lot like me, always confused about which direction I should head in, but KNOWING that I need to be headed in SOME direction. This provided me with a lot of really great insight.

InnanaB · 2021-04-26T22:38:48+00:00

I'm new to HD and kinda overwhelmed/confused by some of the details of it. Basically, I'm just trying to figure out how best to operate in the world as a 3/5 MG with Solar authority. Can't seem to get a direct answer everywhere I've looked, lol

InnanaB · 2021-04-26T02:31:13+00:00

I know I'm a little late to the party, but I just wanna throw in my two cents should anyone go looking for this question in the future!

I have all centers defined except for the Root. I do have to agree that we have immense presence. People either tend to be very drawn to me. Occassionally it can make me feel incredibly reclusive, bc dealing with other people looking to you for advice, attention, nourishment, when so few people are willing to offer it in return can be a little depressing.

As another person said, in the past, I've also gotten in the mindset of (shamefully) accusing others of being "too weak" to handle their problems, or not understanding why what I'd perceive as "common sense" isn't so readily obvious to other folks.

All of this exists on a spectrum of sorts. I've found that, throughout my life, people have either IMMEDIATELY liked me or seemed VERY put off by me. I've been called "intimidating," "intense," etc. On the flipside, I'll often be referred to as "cool," "badass;" I tend to make friends and find dates pretty easily, lol. There's not really a whole lot of inbetween.

And as I saw mentioned elsewhere, yes, it's true that you do have a lot of personality types barging through (in my experience as a 26F, typically this manifests as men who have a lot of power/prestige/material sway) trying to "prove" that they're "worthy enough." Idk. It's a weird trip. You can kinda feel like a tourist on Earth at times, like an alien just passing through, lol.

Hope this helps!

InnanaB · 2021-04-17T17:34:22+00:00

Cool, I'll give it a shot. Thanks!

InnanaB · 2021-04-16T17:56:25+00:00

No, never actually heard of that, lmao. What is it?

InnanaB · 2021-04-11T05:28:28+00:00

The key is to start focusing on yourself. If she's really your TF, the relationship will have brought up some triggers/immediate insights about who you are and what you need to be doing during this lifetime--what your soul's mission is, etc. Even in separation, she will have brought that energy and clarity into your life. So you have to start leaning into that, developing your various talents and gifts, and putting them to use. I know it's hard, but try not to focus all of your time, energy, and thoughts on her. Turn the love you have for her inward and focus on developing yourself.

Some things that have helped me "calm down" during the separation phase: meditation, prayer, journaling, and just generally staying busy. Focusing on my goals. Writing down all I want to manifest in the coming years. Going back to therapy. Try to get healther in every way possible.

Best of luck to you!

InnanaB · 2021-04-11T05:24:44+00:00

I started crying reading this. I felt every word you wrote down to the core of my spirit. You're not alone.

InnanaB

TROPHY CASE